Dear Readers

I would love to look at the last week in review. It has been one hell of a wild ride with the pic 18-08-16 num 2highs and lows. From the highs of Rebecca making me feel like a million bucks. To the both of us in shock of the wonderful response of you my readers and the amount of readers who took the time to look. The Facebook response also shocked both of us. Life is funny when you are riding high and the tall poppy syndrome rears it head and is tall poppycut back down. That same day a teacher had to have a talk with me about my little girl. Once again my heart broke over the past. Then following that downward spiral an email from my attorney hit. Not that it caused worry or concern. It was the sadness of what I was reading knowing that what once was is almost all gone. Then that night as more and more kind words were said by so many wonderful people and friends the pain of reality faded into the hugs of my children. A wonderful opportunity came as I was asked if I would like to be interviewed for Humans of Launceston, of course i said yes (it was very fun). Then once more the children’s School St. Finn Barrs stepped up to the plate, knocked the dirt off their shoes, placed the bat on their shoulder, as the ball of life came in their took a swing and hit a home run. The principle made a few calls to get some help for our little girl asap! I do mean asap! A professional is coming in to listen to her. Then another thing that happened is when I did my bread run on Friday night after dropping off the children for a visit with the other parent. I was making a call to a friend who was doing a bit to help. Backed out with a bit of a judgement that made me feel a bit sad. But as I dropped off my bread to others who could help I went to see another friend we had a wonderful chat he and his wife are professionals in medical services. We looked over the letter and a sense of calm resided in my soul. Saturday rolled in with more excitement a wonderful text message and I told the person to knock it off cause it is getting a bit old. That it is time to start being a parent or get out of the game. Then I had the friend from the Friday night start complaining once more and I tried to help and learned that I needed to add a rule to my list of rules about people. *Never give advice to people who need and ask for it unless they are ready for it.
Sometimes people want the help but are not able to see past their problem to understand the advice and suggestions that are given. They become defensive and sink their heels in and are sure that the pattern they are doing is the only way to get something done. I learned from my dad years ago when I was little “Don’t fix it if it is not broken, but only a fool keeps doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. So when you notice it is broken fix it” Then when your day starts off with that much excitement you hope for something better. So I left the friend with her issues and walked away for my own self care. A few hours later I was able to enjoy a wonderful night with my friends being a geek or nerd whatever you want to call people who play Dungeon & Dragons. Yup I said it I play a geeky game. But these friends are the best mates I have ever known. Then their wives are also very kind people. I have a large amount of respect for these wonderful friends.
Then Sunday came and I had a wonderful drive to pick up the children. We drove to me second to last bread drop off. I am so very happy everything has fallen into place as the day came to an end as the children were on their call with the other parent Gabriel was playing a name game and said Allen, then the other parent said can I say Neurotic. I let it go cause I am not going to get into such a name calling issue or say something that might upset the children. Mind you calling me a name as your child can hear you is not a good thing to do.
So the to end the night I put a post up on my Facebook about Pronouns “Dear Friends,
There has arisen in the last few days something I would like you to think about. I say this with a gentle heart and love for each of you. I know that many of you have tried real hard on this journey of my Transition and I would first like to say thank you. I know that it has been a bit hard to deal with the pronouns. I want you right now to take a deep breath hold it for 4 seconds and release. I am and always have been your friend. With being a friend comes love and understanding. I am not nor will I be offended by this, cause we are on a journey that has taken both on a deeper understanding of friendship. I am sincerely thankful for each and everyone of you in my life.
Love Ally”
I felt it needed to be said cause I did not want friends feeling like I would get upset over something so simple. I want to also address something that I heard from another friend Michelle Sheppard who was talking about “Dead Name” I do not support this term. I love what Allen did for me he kept the real me safe.

It has been 1 year

Not only is August my year mark for HRT it is the month of my Birthday. I have been so very lucky to have a wonderful friend Rebecca Stosh the owner of Enchantress Beauty. The above photo is how she took care of me. Rebecca did not even know how special this month is to me in both areas. I timed my HRT with my birthday so that I could look at it in a light that made me feel closer to being the real me. The way it should have been so many years ago.
So here is what happened Rebecca was looking for a few models (lol, me a model). So I told her I would be more than happy to. I was so excited about doing this I was 45 minutes early sitting in my car until it got closer to the time she was ready for me. I went all day without any makeup on and made sure to clean my face one more time before I went in.
The time drew near in fact it was 15 til. So I walked with butterflies to the appointment. I was not really sure what was going to happen. As I walked up the stairs I kept fighting the feeling to run in abject terror. I was so scared it was another wall I was going to walk through. I was going to allow a professional to do my makeup in front of others. Oh I was scared to death. As I sat down on the couch cause she was not back from lunch yet. There were all these amazing looking women walking around. I could not believe my eyes, I was going to be doing this. A few minutes rolled by and she scared the living crap out of me! She did not know how bad my nerves were running.
We walked in to the studio and she told me to take off my glasses and sit down and be comfortable (yeah if I did not pass out it was going to be a good day). Sitting down, trying to calm down as she is asking questions left right and center. Lucky for me there was only a few questions. The next thing I know is I am being ask if I am a warm color or cold. Right then and there I was thinking cold cause I am going to be a corpse. Lucky for me I kept my humor out of this event and said I think I am warm. Next thing I know I am getting told I am both. The other clients and staff were so wonderful. It is hard not to blink, look this way, that way, keep your eyes closed, what would you like me to do and so many other choices. So knowing I was WAY out of my league I said what ever you would like.
I was starting to feel special cared about, and the best feeling that a wonderful friend can give another friend a feeling of SAFE. Minute by Minute time rolled on until 1 hour passed, then 1 1/2 hours passed. I started to wonder what I was going to see in the end, two sets of false eye lashes later and now there was a mirror in my hand. As I was bringing the mirror up all I could think about was what a great friend said to me “maybe this will help you to see the beautiful woman we all know”. To be honest as the mirror rises I was scared not that she had done a bad job, but thinking what if my expectations was to high. Then the comments from the other staff and what I saw in the mirror. The photos say it all, these feelings I am keeping to myself and Rebecca. I think I would have cried if it would not have ruined her artwork.
Here is my friend and some contact details.
RebeccaRebecca Stosh
Makeup Artist
Owner of Enchantress Beauty
0400917687
becstosh@gmail.com
Facebook: Enchantress Beauty

 

Well there is my story of my Birthday gift to myself without anyone really knowing.

I want to give a big shout out to Niamh’s Teacher. Thank you for making me feel so amazing after seeing Rebecca’s work of art

Some exciting news

Well if you have been following my blog you would known that my one year mark on hormones is just about here. On Thursday I’m having a wonderful amazing talented makeup artist going to work on me. Rebecca Stosh owner of Enchantress Beauty you can find her Facebook.

I will be posting an interview with this wonderfully talented artist very soon. Keep your eyes on the next post that will show what she has done for me. I would like to name drop a friend/reader who made my day. Thank you James Napier for saying when you heard the above News. Stating that you will see there beautiful woman we all know and love.

I’m so excited

The secret pain

I have written in the past about my little girl who was sexually assaulted. What most people don’t see is the pain that we the parents go though after the fact. The doubt that fills you to the core. The desire to never let it happen again. The want for your little child to be who they were before.
You get to a point where you think it is all behind you. Then suddenly you are thrust back into the reality that it is never going to go away. You end up having to go back in time where you were helpless when you wanted only to just hug away the pain of your child. I doubt that I can express the horrific set of feelings that I am going through at this time. The amount of heart ache that parents are left with after the event. Time does not heal all wounds it merely lessens the pain of some of them, this is not one of them.
What I would give to allow my little girl to just be without this monster under her bed…