I shared this on my FB. But I love it so much I think more should have a chance at reading it. When I was younger I struggled with my view of self. I could not enjoy who I saw in the mirror and it only got worse as the years moved on.

Image may contain: text that says 'You can rest now. You're exhausted. You've You tried to protect me for way too long. I'll handle the stress of it now. It's going to require a lot of bravery. To just try and live my life, and hope that everyone sees that I'm not some dangerous, bad person. I got this'

When I made the choice to step out of the shadows I lost so many people that I once counted as friends and loved ones. I was really shocked about the response to my honesty about “ME”. It had no bearing on anyone other than me and my children. So many others wanted it to be about them. Some even told lies about me. I was still the same person that helped others when they asked for it. I was still the same person who opened my home to feed others. There was nothing really new except that I look different. It was really sad to have that happen.
My heart was really broken when someone that I helped so much started to attack me publicly. I was so hurt I could not see a rhyme or reason for their attack other than they were always filled with hate for others who were different than him. The sad thing was his children are severely disabled. I wonder if his hate for what happened to them was just directed towards me.

I hear these same stories over and over again. So many in my community are angry with all the constant attacks that we have to defend ourselves from. Can you blame a community for being angry when so much hate is directed towards them (i.e. The black community). I am concerned that the truth about being Transgender is being lost in the defense of who we are. We are becoming outwardly angry about the constant attacks from the bigots.

There is so much beauty in a person who knows who they are inside and outside. It matters when you understand your true self. I only wish so many others in and out of my community could find that sense of peace. It matters in life to be at peace with your view of “Self”

Lets make something clear

In the information age where every person has to opportunity to rise above their station in life. We also tend to be keyboard warriors. I am solidly shocked that I have been called a name. Even so shocked that I was called this that I questioned the persons age. Maybe not my best reply… “What are you 10”

So lets look at what I was called, truscum. Which is a derogatory term for a person who supports the validity of the need for the medical involvement in being diagnosed as Transgender vs. self-identity. Confused yet? I had to look this up…

Truscum also known as transmedicalists are a commonly misunderstood community on Tumblr. They follow the medical definition of transsexualism i.e that it’s a medical condition and that you need sex dysphoria to be trans.

So setting the record strait there is a HUGE damn difference between receiving a diagnosis and self-identifying. Which also means we should treat these individuals differently as well. When children say “I am Batman or Wonder woman” it does not make them so. But we allow that child to explore their dreams and fantasy in those ideas. So should be the same with those who self-identify. But we should advise for them to see a professional for their future health. There are huge risks in self-identifying as foolishly many of those feel that they can also be their own doctor and seek to use medicines without those supports in place. placing their health at great risk.

There are also mental health issues that mimic Gender Dysphoria and Gender Incongruity. Now for those who don’t know that there is a trend that is gaining support among professionals. With the use of Gender Incongruity for those who are not showing signs of Gender Dysphoria. But they are identifying as Transgender. So meaning you can have Gender Incongruity with or with out Gender Dysphoria.

Next we need to look at calling people names. It is very Juvenal to begin with and is also a way to divide and conquer a community from within. Yes there are those of us who support the medical diagnosis as a requirement for being Transgender. We also understand that not everyone can afford to see a healthcare professional and self-identifying is a reality of the modern age. But I reiterate that self medicating is NOT SAFE and should be avoided at all costs. We are talking about your physical health.

Furthermore, if you self identify you should look into seeing a mental health professional. This is one of the base requirements of medical transition should you chose that in your future. As well as helping you face the challenges of being Transgender. Understand that being Transgender is NOT a fashion statement and will change your life in many ways that you cannot prepare for. I wish you all the best in your journey but lets avoid applying stupid names that divide our community.

It’s my birthday…

What a wonderful day of kind friends wishing me well. It does fill my heart with happiness. Though in saying that there were a few friends who were concerned that I was having my birthday dinner alone. There are a lot of things people don’t understand about me, So I am going to explain a few things.

I am okay with how my life is going right now. It may not be perfect and I am in a large amount of pain 24/7. But I have my children that make life all worth it. I am scared of losing my ability to walk as I can see that in the near future. But I am at peace with it still. I am working with my medical team to work out a path for a bright future. I cannot say enough for all their efforts.

Now as to being alone I am asexual. What that means is I am not really clued into romantic relationships and sex just is not that big of a thing for me. But there is also an underlying issue that is part of the reason I am also alone. What happened to me in my last relationship has scarred me and it will take someone amazing and with a large heart to make me trust someone like that again.

Though in saying the above I love my children and pour all of my emotional energy into making sure that they know that they are cared for on so many different levels. That is enough at this moment in time.

Once again thank you for all the birthday wishes.

I love where I live

What many might not know is I live in a small piece of heaven. This is in more ways than one. The magic is in the people of this wonderful place where things happen a bit slower than others. The magic is in its people as well. Launceston Tasmania, Australia.

Something happened today in my travels. What many might not know is I appear to be losing my ability to walk. I get about a 1 km worth of pain free walking. But I refuse to allow this monster rob me of life and so I push that small distance as much as I can. But yesterday I went way to far over my limit. It really started to show when I was doing my shopping. I knew I should be using the online service but I love to choose the food I buy. I don’t trust my veggies being chosen by someone else as I have high standards (FRESH!).

But as I was saying I love this place. Someone who knows me more than I know them saw me struggling ton walk and stand offered me a ride home with my shopping. I was in no place to say no as I was about to collapse due to the pain that has set in. This wonderful person took the time and drove me home then brought in my shopping. They even told me to go inside as they did all the work bring in my shopping. As a kindness I gave them a copy of my latest book as a thank you. Though all he said was that he was paying it forward.

What the person did not know was that my heart was breaking as I knew the rest of my day was going to hell. I hide this level of heartbreak from my children as I don’t want to be “That parent”. As the night was closing in the pain levels became a monster in so much that all the pain meds could not hide or solve. I even got to the point laying in bed and the shaking began due to the level of pain. My reality began to sink in as I might have to look at going back to the doctor and talking it over again.

The magic of the kindness of the person who gave me a lift home was one of the best things for the day. Had he not been there I think my day would have been worse. I am going to try to force myself to go on a diet and might even look at reducing my weight by cutting back on a number of things that I enjoy (a tall glass of coke with ice).

I have even been told that I need to look at moving to a move friendly to those with a disability living arrangement. But I love my view from my front window and that is something that many places that are like that don’t have. but I am thinking that they might be right as I am very concerned about my future if not scared.

Something to ask your child

A few days ago I posted something rather wonderful on my Facebook. Now I would like you to give it a go with a child you know and love.

We need to provide the change we want to see in our children. That starts with understanding how they are feeling. These questions might just open the door for change. At this time during the pandemic we need to be there for them.

I care!

As a person who thinks more of others than I do myself at times. I am once faced with a choice that many might not make. That being doing something for my fellow man in their times of trouble.

As we all know COVID19 is wrecking havoc on earth. Many might lose hope in the shut downs or even those in isolation. I would like to do something for each and every person who needs a hand up. I just finished publishing my book called “The Choice”. Like my main character I am making a difficult choice. As we all are starting to understand that our mental health needs a lift during difficult times. I have created a promotion give away for my latest book “The Choice” starting on Friday the 8th (US time) the Ebook will be free for 5 days to download from the link below. All that i am asking of you is can you please leave a review. Now follow the link at the end of this post and enjoy. There are no strings attached to this give away. I just really do care for you and I want you to stay safe and healthy.

PUSH ME | Will You Press The Button #3 - YouTube

Wishing you are yours all the best during this difficult time.

Spare a thought

STOP, COLLABORATE, and listen!

ticking clock gif - Google Search | Clock, Important inventions ...

There are 1440 minutes in a day. Right now the death toll of COVID19 is 4.5 per minute. Did you think of that when you refused to wear a…

Coronavirus: wearing a cloth face mask is less about science and ...

Now I know that some of my readers are in the US. Right now in the US the death toll is 1 a minute. You can be a hero you can save lives. Wear a mask it is that simple a mask would reduce the virus being transmitted. Now I know that some of you have your excuses. But I am going to let you in on a small secret. Did you know that there are software’s that are designed to do facial recognition. There is a know problem that the governments are worried about. That being the software gets confused when a person wears a mask. BTW this is not deep state. I am giving you reasons to save lives. Simple right? Yea, so why are you so scared?

Think of the fashion statements that can be made!

Have a favorite sport team why not show it on your face mask.

Want to show your support for a cause (Black Lives Matter, Trans Lives Matter).

Want to match a outfit.

How hard is it to save a life?

Please put one on the life you save might be yours.

There is no rest for the wicked.

As you know I have published my second piece of written work. But my first into Science Fiction, when you buy the book you will find out that there is a second one coming. Well I want you to know I am not leaving you in a lurch. I have just hit 13,000 words on the story and it is going well. I expect to have it out in 11 months. I will keep you updated on its progress. Though if I return to my normal speaking engagements this time line might shift a little.

I have not created the music playlist for this book yet but it is in the works. Though I did notice that I made an error on the first book in this saga. I forgot to give the link to the first play list. So here it is should you wish to enjoy the music that I feel supports the book and its story.

Well, I need to get back to writing and I will update the blog real soon. I did put up a new podcast if you did not catch it. So until next time …..

Now for an personal update

I wrote a few weeks ago about my battle with pain. This past week I was able to go see my doctor. It appears that my chronic pain has grown a new partner. I now have Arthritis in my knees that is also adding to my pain levels. Now I know why I am always in pain. He is sending me to Physiotherapy in hopes that we can see if it might be muscle based? But I have done Physiotherapy so many times for this issue and it never helps me. But maybe it will help my Arthritis. New pills which I am not sure I want to take as my mum poisoned herself with so many different pills. I just don’t know overall I am scared more and more I am going to end up in a wheelchair.
I even had a phone call with some damn idiot asking me “Do you have a car and can you drive?”. A car fuck no I can’t walk half the time. At what the… do you think it is wise for me to drive right now? The dream of a new motor cycle is over. I just want to walk without pain (fucking dumb ass question). That is a crushing result as well as balance is not really great right now as I fall over without warning.
Pain high enough I want to vomit, but I cannot so I breakdown and cry. I really know my body hates me and has since the day I was born. Sorry feeling a little down after walking for only a short time. I only was walking less than 1 km. My knees are retaining water, oh btw that is also something new I am learning to deal with.

What was the biggest blow was I saved money to take my kids out for a fun dinner but due to the pain making me feel ill I could not even eat my whole hamburger from BurgerJunkie (this is an amazing burger joint). I like it more than Pizza and that say a lot, lol.

Well before I sink into a dark hole of “Poor me” which I would have written myself into I am going to stop talking about it.