I once said not every pitch goes the way we want. A few months ago I was on a path that was leading me to a deadline that I made to have a book ready for print in the middle of 2018. The batter stepped up the the plate and here came the pitch as wild as it could have been. Then the hit was right out into left field. The fielder was in a dead run he knew he could pull off a miracle catch if he could just keep his feet under him. Then just like that, just like his thought he tripped. Going head over heels, in a moment of quick thinking he tucked and turned it into a roll and quickly got back up in time to extend his arm and make the greatest catch in his life.
This is exactly what has happened in these last few months. My beautiful Daughter was the pitcher. Life was the batter and she threw a wild one. Life being hard in her young life hit that wild ball and gave her Suicidal Thoughts. That ball flew off into left field leaving her feeling lost and hopeless. But like every great outfielder who has saved a game I was running to catch that ball. I tripped and tucked my head and turned it into a roll I extended my arm and Caught that wicked ball before it hit the ground and ended the game. Our teams rallied behind our pitcher. She had just finished a long and hard game with only this one stumble which turned out not to be her fault the ball was warped.
We are now back at practice all the team is there right behind her. Trusting her to continue to trust us as we battle every demon that might come our way together…
I once thought that Sexual Assault was just something that could easily be overcome. That was until it touched our families life. I don’t know any other word for the feelings that surge through my veins except Anger. The Anger that resides to the actions that changed my daughter. The Anger that a young man got away with it. The Anger that I am working with my Daughter without the other parents help. The Anger that resides in the fact that the young man will do it again because no one taught him it was wrong. The Anger that I cannot snap my fingers and make it all better.
She asked my why I was not back to writing. I did not have the heart to tell her that the reason was because I was upset that she was struggling with a Demon that I knew from a long time ago as well. I guess I am lucky in a way that I understand what it is like to be a child with those thoughts. Unlike my parents I am working hard to open the lines of communication with her. We talk every night she is home about the feelings and how we can push those thoughts to just being a thought. We can find reasons and people to talk with who listen and care for us. I am so blessed to be on a team with my Daughter. I am so blessed to be there for her when a wild ball happens. I love the feeling the hugs I get when she knows that I am here to back her up always.
The team and I got her some help with those wild pitches and in time she will master them as well. I am once again back to writing, feeling a bit better about all that is going on. I love that little Pitcher of mine…..
Last week really was a bad one. Sorry to say but all books have been put on hold so I can sort out some real life issues. One Book Leaves might be getting a whole rewrite. Not happy about that. But such is the case when you come to feel a book about your father is deeply flawed. Every now and then I take time to do what is called checking ones six. What this is, is to look behind you. When I took the time to check my six. I found that the people who should be behind me were gone and they were replaced by great friends. The book called leaves was designed to celebrate my fathers life and show other what can be accomplished with Honor and Courage walk hand in hand.
I grew up thinking that there were two great men in my life that showed some of the best traits a person can have. I am sad to sad by all that has been seen last week, I am mistaken. I placed someone on a pedestal who has fallen and I don’t think he will ever be able to return to it let alone stand. Now I am not saying that there is not a book here. Because there is an amazing story to be told. But a story that is far more tragic than hopeful.
There is a deep sadness in this …….
The next book called The Choice is on hold for a completely different reason. I created a main character named after someone who is dear to my heart. I chose to place a problem that is at the core of this book around the choice that this character needed to make. But over the course of several months I have found that in real life this person has done something that even he does not realize the full impact of his actions. One of the impacts is that I have a personal rule “Never accept someone saying something about you if it is wrong”. I live and teach my children that and a few others like “Say what you mean and mean what you say”. When you chose to forgo these basic principles you chose to ignore right and wrong as a result. This person who was who character was patterned after. Made a choice and that choice was to walk down a dark path. Causing him to come into conflict with my own personal set of morals. These very same morals help me everyday. They even help me raise three wonderful children as well as one wonderful adult.
I cannot ask readers to look at this character and think wow that is a good person when they are clearly not. I am deeply saddened by this persons choices.
I am still writing but trying to figure out solutions to both of these problems….. Stay tuned
Last night while I was ill I had this idea to see if I could find my first ex-wife. Oh no shocker, I have been married more that 2 times. So while I was looking for her I found her mother’s obituary. We were very young and dumb kids who should never had tried to play house. In the end that is exactly what we did, for a short time. I really did feel for my ex and her loss of her mother. It is really hard to deal with the losses we experience when it is family or close friends.
I started to noticed that when I dug deeper, she really had taken charge of her life and changed. I was so very happy for her in these changes. I even found myself forgiving the issues of the past and forgiving her. It was a wonderful moment in time when you are able to release the past. I looked at myself and thought gee Ally you have come a long way to be able to forgive.
I looked at her photo and felt something different. I thought to myself for a short time. What I came to was, hoping that she was as happy as her photo suggested. I found out that she had remarried and was working in a stable job. I even think she has a couple of children. Like I said I really do hope that her life has improved. I felt at peace…..
So where is this wisdom I suggest. Well simple, while time does not heal all wounds it does allow us to change. To a point where we are at peace with the scars that remain. This also does not mean you need to be friends with those that hurt you. For that in itself is foolish. But forgiveness while hard is an ability to heal ourselves.
I know that I say this while I have not yet been able to forgive my own flesh-n-blood. But I think in time I might be able to. Though at this moment in time, I am not ready as the wounds are so very real and painful. I hope that someday I will be able to look at them and say, I hope the best for them as well. I want to be able to walk the path of peace when I can forgive them. I think in time it to will come as the same with my ex, just a flash in time. A look at a photo and a happy thought might cross my mind. But only time will tell I guess…..
Looking like it is coming on very quickly. I am so proud of this book. I am really not to sure if I can keep it to 75,000 words but we will see that is the goal. But some times goals are meant to smashed. I am still aiming for a release date to be some where in June.
I still am drawing a big blank for the cover. or at least a black where I can make what I see in my mind. SO the offer is still standing about the art work, the curse of being poor …..
A clue ho hum might be a bit hard
“I begin and have no end eventually i will be the ending of all that has begun what am i?”
Enjoy, no cheating googlers
Okay a new clue…..
This book is moving fast and I am serious about needing a bit of help on a cover design. While I am not rich enough to pay you for your work I will place a mention that you did it in the book. Drop me a line if you would like to give it a go.
Good luck on the above clue….
So proud of the effort
So here is your clue as promised.
What do you think this clue is telling you…..hmm think hard.
Ohhhh Boy oh boy it is moving now…..
As I promise clues, the clue is in the picture above. I am starting to think of a book cover. If you want to have a go at designing one let me know. I am not rich enough to pay you for it but I will give you credit for it in the book. It might be fun to see what you can come up with. Send me a msg or an email and we can look at the cover information you’ll need to adhere to. But remember the name of the book is “The Choice”.
Btw there were some great guesses on the first clue I gave but no one got the second one. Have a second look at the post and really pay close attention to it. Have fun…..