I have come to an issue in the book. I want those who read it to enjoy it but at the same time understand the impact of what being transgender is like. I am trying so hard to avoid the I,me and my usage in the book. But it hagotten back to me that this makes me sound like I have multi personality disorder. But at the same time I want the reader to get a sense of the impact that my life has gone through. The only way I can do this is to write in a way that highlights the usage of we, our and us. In respect of writing the book. I think if I wrote the blog that way people might have reason to be concerned.
Now on the funny side I have run into a new problem / issue. I have once again noticed that men really don’t have a clue about boobs. Okay I have this wonderful Top that I love but today I noticed that my boobs have grown to much to wear it. This is something men will never understand. This is a mother reason for always needing new clothes,lol. What the hell is up with the issues of makers not knowing how to use real measurements. My God it is not hard to understand that 18b should be the same by all makers but no that is not the case.
Now that my hips are starting to take shape new undies are required. Just when you think thing are going the way you want.
I did have a small muscle mass issue last week that is was not able to talk about. I was with a wonderful friend, my body guard James. He had to open my drink for me due to the fact that my hands could not open it. Try to understand that one. Well I’m sitting here at a café one0six in George Street Launceston. It is time to wrap this up and head out. Have a great day everyone!
Well I am at the part of writing a synopsis……. Ekk I did not think writing the book was all that hard in fact I am very proud of it but for days now I have had my head stuck in a hole trying to write a synopsis. Okay this has to be the hardest part of writing. I am taking 226+ pages 70,000+ pages and put them into 1 to 2 pages. WHY ME!!!!!!!!!
The page Transition Timeline has been updated with the following:
The Fourteenth Month
Well this was a month of community awareness and not always acceptance. I feel that some features have changed as far as my appearance is concerned. I also think that there have been some changes as well in the facial area. I have been called a woman and people have been using the correct pronouns that do not even know me. This is a mental health issue that I did not really grasp until it started just happening everywhere.
I had the most amazing month as well so many things going the right way, eight different goals were reached. it scared me and I started creating my own little world of anxiety that was a thought process “something bad is going to happen”. It took a good friend taking me out for coffee for a reality check that the world is not going to end that it is just time for me to start receiving some blessing that I deserve and that it was the right time and I was ready for them.
I am still having issues with body hair and the way it is triggering a bit of Dysphoria nothing to bad that I cannot control. I few deep breaths and some music on and away it goes.Breasts are still evolving and are still a bit tender. I am still keeping up with the breast massage and the higher fat intake. I think as summer is starting I am going to have stop finding excuses for no exercise. Writing my book has been a big excuse as well.
Okay I have never considered myself to be a lucky person. I am just not, I might say in passing or as a phrase. But in reality I am not, I am blessed but not lucky. I don’t know what happened on Monday this week, it makes no sense. You see everything is starting to come together and so fast my head is spinning. I was almost in tears last night over it all because I still cannot see why. What have I done to be so blessed and at the same time. It confuses me don’t do anything so special that 5 separate thing are starting to fall into place. I will list them and you can see how major they are.
- I found this missing piece of Jewelry it is beyond priceless and I have been heart broken since it went missing. It was a gift and it meant a lot to me.
- I’m getting closer to going to school
- I might be part of the Human Library of Launceston
- Finally the light at the end of the tunnel starting to show in regards to the divorce.
- I was more than Gendered correctly, Someone asked how I came to Australia. I told them I fell in love. She replied back Oh you are a lucky woman he must be very special. I did not have the heart to correct her that we were getting a divorce that I was married to a woman.
- There was no stress in getting the kids to school
- My book is getting some amazing reviews
- My book is getting closer to being published
While to you some of these might not seem so big but to me there are Huge. Number one speaks for itself. Number 2 is a a goal I set at the start that I did not think towards the end of it I was going to be able to meet. Number 3 look I am not shy about this divorce being a shit storm. I did not like how it went down, I don’t like how I was treated. But I have always wanted my children to be a part of the other parents life equal as they are in my life. I think that is the best thing for the children. So some things are moving in the right direction and that is huge. I hope we can keep it out of the courts and finish this for the children sake. Number I work hard on my makeup I listen to my great friend Bec Stosh the owner of Enchantress Beauty who is an amazing Makeup artist. When all things come together at the same time and people say the correct pronouns it just lifts your day. Number 6 first day of Term as every parent knows this is a stressful day and for me it fell right in to place. Number 7 I was so scared to write my book let alone let someone read it. People are coming back to me and what they are saying is very kind and lovely. Number 8, I am so very thankful for all my test readers and their comments it has given me a boost to go to the next stage of my book and Publish it.
See it just boggles my mind how this all happened in one day…..
I don’t know why I am doing this challenge, lol. Why not….
- I love the color red
- I am a V8 kinda girl but can only afford 6’s
- I love Fords
- I wear my heart on my sleeve
- I blush when someone says I look nice or other complaments
- I hate TV
- I love to cuddle
- I like silver more than gold
- I have tried to name all my dogs after Winnie the Pooh
- I do not do stress well
- I have sleep problems
- I want a bull dog and name him Piglet
- All Watches stop working once I put them on, if I take them off they start working again.
- I am scared of the book I have written or should I say I am scared of what people will think
- My first car was a VW bug super beetle 1600, I am so in love with VW bugs
- I have only had 3 car wrecks in my life and all were before the age of 25
- I listen to music all the time,but my secret love is Opera
- I can play the drums
- I love the art work in video games
- I love vampire movies
- I love getting dressed up
- I love John Denver Music
- I am scared of Needles
- I have a memory like an Elephant, but I forget peoples names
- I have the feel of grease from a car on my skin
Okay these are my 25 things most people don’t know about me. Now you can do it if you want.
I had this wonderful conversation with a friend last night and it started me thinking maybe if we start changing out thoughts on relationship away from the need for short term gratification. To a long term love affair what would be needed?
I have always hated the term “Public Displays of Affection” or “PDA’s”. The reason for my dislike of the term is so very simple, we need them we need to know that we are loved enough for it to be shown. This does not mean to the point someone is yelling out “get a room”. What I am meaning is the simple things holding hands as you walk together. The moment where you reach across the table to hold the other persons hand if only for a few seconds. The hug in the middle of the day in the middle of town. The soft brush of her cheek. Simple actions yet to both parties they whisper I love you to the soul.
I think we have come to a point in our society where we need instant gratification. Where if one person is not doing “everything” the way we want it and the time we want it in we throw a temper tantrum. Now I am not saying that being angry about the actions of another person that is hurting you is wrong. Far from it, if you are being hurt by god get the fuck out. What I am saying is that we should be taking the time and doing the small acts of love to build something different than instant love. To be honest instant love is not real, it never has been and it never will be. But you can turn infatuation in to love but it takes time.
I have always wanted what my grandfather had in his heart for my grandmother. Sadly they divorced, but on his death bed he called her. They talked and the connection of love had never left his heart. It was a different time and different actions that lead to their divorce but he loved her until the very end and even when they had both remarried. I have always wanted that love where two people die days weeks or a month of each other when they are old.
How is this done? How do the older ones do it? I have tried and tried even to the point of tears, unsuccessful. I have given my all to someone, but I have also learned that some people are not capable of returning that love. Next time if there is, I will do it all over again. I will hold her hair when she is sick. I will tuck her in when she is ill. I will reach across the table to hold her hand. I will kiss her and hold her. I will once again learn to love another person so much that they are my sun, moon and stars. I will cuddle at every drop of a hat. I will once again do the small things.
Someone today asked me the 64 million dollar question why did I choose to write a book? Well there are a number of reasons first I wanted to heal a part of my soul by letting go of all the pain that has been there for so long. then I wanted to give my children a bit of my past and teach them that true honesty no matter how hard it is to say is the way to clean one” soul. I also wanted them to know of my past before it gets to point that I forget not that I would or if I could but sometimes I would like to. I have by writing this book took back part of my creativity from a person who said I was nothing.
SO there are my simple reasons, no the more complex issue is that I have seen so many people just like me getting killed and abuse by people who just don’t understand. I have seen churches pick up the whip and the cane to say evil things as well. At some point the voices need to be raised and say No we are not going to take this any more.
The demons of self hatred and emotional abuse is deep and once they sink their hooks into you soul it takes a long hard battle to get them out of it.But top be honest it is a battle that is worth the fight. The reward being that you are free from the voices.