Aleana Robins

Most people don’t leave comments on my blog. That is fine, I never require people to stroke my ego as a writer. But I sometimes want to shift a bit of focus when things are dark and tough. Right now we all know the world is in that spot. So let’s do something fun.

Sometimes in our lives we are blessed to find a piece of music that resonates with us on so level. I am going to give you my top five albums and why they are. It is to help you get to know me a little better. You are welcome to follow me on Facebook and join in with your top five and why. Or even drop this post a comment if you would like.

1. Police – Synchronicity
   It was the early 80’s and I was starting to listen and find my love for music. I poured every moment into listening because no one in my home was talking to me and there was no friends in my neighborhood (use that loosely) that was my age or even within bike riding distance.
   I traded to get this album, I remember what I traded for it, Quiet Riot – Mental Health. At the time I did not know what that trade meant for my budding music tastes. People at school were laughing at my choice. I thought to myself “why?” as I did not know who this band was. All I knew what the other album was overplayed and boring after a single play through.
   I got home and put the tape in my stereo and that was when I learned I did not know anything about music. My ears opened up to a magical world of talent that even to this day I love that album.
2. CCR – Greatest Hits
   I don’t know why it took to so long to find this album. But for over 20 years it is one of my most enjoyed listening experiences. The volume creeps up on its own filling the house with music and joy.
3. Five Finger Death Punch – Got your six
   Yeah I like a little bit of angry music. Just love the edge of this album. We were fleeing from Domestic Violence. I was angry at myself for being duped for so long. This music just sparked that mix of power and anger that it helped my healing. It is still one of my favorites.
4. Vivaldi – Four Seasons
   There is something with this work from a master that pulls me in and says it is time to heal and relax. Every time it is played I am transported to a place of love and comfort. I leave it a better person.
5. Stevie Ray Vaughn – The sky is crying
   I got out of the hospital after my last failed attempt. There was some magic in that music that allowed me to reflect and change my path and outlook on life. It is one of the few CD’s that I have had to buy several times. Lights in the house are off, put down the pen and stop working on my books. Put on SRV and let life change for the better.

These are five of my all time favorites and subject to change. Each one having a large impact on my life. I would also like to say my top ten does include Queen, BB King, John Anderson, TOOL, and Depeche Mode. I hope that you can learn to enjoy music the way I have for close to 40 years.

When I was younger (12) I started to feel the pressure of not amounting to what my parents wanted of me. I felt so alone in life nothing I could do was working. Even more than that was when I told my mother that I felt so very different I was faced with the dark side of a parent. It took me a long time to learn of my own self worth and how that impacted those around me. It took me even longer to learn that I was worth more than others implied what I was worth.

I am looking back at five years for the most part it was a huge step to climb a hill that I should have been at the top all along. I look at the top of this hill I am still climbing. I took so long to get started and I face some part of this climb looking at it and listening to others telling me I can’t do it. I walked hand and hand with monsters who enjoyed pulling me back. I listened so many times thinking I was not worth anything. When you get to that point you cannot see the sun through the clouds of your life.

Sometimes starting over is a huge blessing even though it might not seem like it when you are fighting for the right to breathe. When I started looking at my self worth I needed to understand about why I was so different than others. Then I needed to learn how to put that to use in my new world. I started by taking the time and going to see a person who could help me rebuild me. It lasted for about a year talking it over and looking at what I could do. I will not that it is where I want it to be. Because it is not and I am not 100% I even know where the top should be. That is not a bad thing in fact I am glad I cannot see the top. In a crazy way it drives me to look over the next rock.

Some of the crazy things is I had to find out about what made me so excited to be me. I learned I had a passion for writing and how the accomplishments made me feel. That the failures that I have also learned in writing have been lessons of accomplishments. My first book I wrote was at the time to be a Autobiography. But it was more like a prelude to what was coming. It came so fast as I wrote each word. I thought to myself this is going to be easy to be a writer (I was wrong). I took the next step and wrote my dads story (I WAS so proud of him and all he had done). But I had a huge lesson to learn that even our heroes can fail us after all they are human as well. I also had to learn that we need to be careful how deep we dig for information. We might not like the monsters we dig up. That lesson was so hard to swallow because there were so many holes I was digging and so many monsters that I had to re-bury. I learned that valuable lesson that no one ever could have taught me because I was not ready to learn it. In the end I created a wonderful; story of my dad’s life.

But due to some of the monsters I dug up I feared for my dad to find out all the truth. In someway I am refusing to release this book at this time as I still love my father so very much that I could not wish the pain of the monsters on him. But I got to know my fathers mother, such a beautiful person. A person I was never allowed to know in real life. Even writing this I tear up from knowing so much about her. I think what a time we would have had if we could have gotten to know each other. But I am blessed to know so much about her now.

At the same time of writing that book I was writing a couple of other books. The Choice was the first to be finished after my dads book. It took me three years of off and on writing to accomplish it. But the excitement of finishing it is far beyond words that I can give it. I loved the moment it was in my hands. The smell of the gun used in the binding is so wonderful to smell knowing it is yours that you created it.

I am looking where I am at. I keep learning more about being Trans and trying to understand why. I am learning that I am worth so much more than so many others said I was. I still remember all the pain of being teased even by so-called teachers for being Dyslexic to the point that reading is still a huge struggle. I carried that pain for so long with each book I write I am destroying the pain as well as the person who caused it.

So where is this all going? Very simple it does not matter what you are faced with there is a solution. Sometimes that solution is not easy to overcome the problem with. But if something is worth it, you will do it. You will dig those holes and if you find a new monster you will know how to put it away. You will be able to find that magic that does make you so very special. I believe in you!

Well it is time to learn in one very simple chart and I would like to thank Scientific American (link). I am giving you this information just to enlighten many who might stumble on to my page saying there are only two and you are just mentally ill. I have done so much research as even I wanted to find the answers myself. As I have never been one for just accepting something without knowing the whole story.
This chart is wonderful with the amount of information given. take the time and really have a close read of it. If you are Trans take the time and copy the link and the chart. This really does shut down the argument that many like to give. Though I will say this is not a full answer to the comment we always have to defend against. There are many more issues in the spectrum. This is also a huge answer to people like JKR and her little science denying army.

Please read all the way to the end before sharing.

ALL

all/ɔːl/predeterminer · determiner · pronoundeterminer: all; pronoun: all

1. used to refer to the whole quantity or extent of a particular group or thing.”all the people I met”Similar:each of each one of the every one of the every single one of the every each and every every single the whole of the every bit of the complete the entire the totality of the in its entirety complete entire total full utter perfect all-out greatest (possible)maximum everyone everybody each/every person the (whole) lot each one each thing the sum the total the whole lot everything every part the whole amount the total amount the entirety the sum total the aggregate Opposite: no none of the little none nobody nothing
   • any whatever.”he denied all knowledge of it”
   • used to emphasize the greatest possible amount of a quality.”they were in all probability completely unaware”
   • the only thing (used for emphasis).”all I want is to be left alone”
   • (used to refer to surroundings or a situation in general) everything.”all was well”

Remember the above!

As an author I have to not only write something that is compelling but is truthful to the written word. What I mean by that is very simple if you write the following “All the boys were there” and change the word “All” the meaning will change. Or even remove the word “All” the meaning changes. All is a term used meaning every and complete.

I love being a writer, with every word I put down I can move the reader in a direction. But if I put down something like the word “All” and then I pick and choose things to leave out my reader will become lost. This will do nothing for me except to have them close my book and never read it again. That simple mistake can impact far beyond what the writer meant. So how does that link to being Transgender?

Remember what I wrote All means Complete.

In the US right now there are those who are for the majority are white who are saying “All Lives Matter”. But they are unwilling to do anything to support those who are saying “Black Lives Matter” they are unwilling to support the removal of dirty cops. They are unwilling to agree to equality in all forms. Does this mean that they do not understand the meaning of the word “All”? It is possible, but unlikely.

All means completely, that includes “All” colors, “All” ethnicity, “All” genders, “All” ages, “All” sexual attractions, and this list goes on and on. There is no end to it. But if you say this then you need to back it up with real action. Carry the sign with a Black lives Matter sign at the same time or better yet throw both of them away and carry the sign that says “Equality”. Fight for everyone to be equal and not just those who carry the power. Don’t allow celebrities to attack a group of society. Don’t alloy people to wear their hate on the outside of their shirts. Make a real stand, if all lives matter then you need to make sure that you support the woman who was raped. The child who lives behind a cage. The family that fled domestic violence. This list goes on and one as well. If you cannot support the word “All” then you did not mean what you said and the word “All” becomes a useless word that no one will trust coming from “YOU”.

So in conclusion of this thought. I am asking YOU to think. Is it “All” or “None”, because if you cannot include “All” then you should have “None”. No peace, no comfort, until “All” can have it. So drop your useless signs and carry the correct sign “Equality”. Fight for it, care for it and use its meaning like it matters. Because we are losing our rights to monsters. If we do not stand for Equality then we do not stand for any. That makes us one of the Monsters.

Now I know I have said it time and time again and I really do mean it. I don’t buy into the term Transphobia and Homophobia. I call it what it is being and Asshole. I am attaching a video that I watched and learned from. I support her on 90% of what she is saying and I think many can learn from it. I will leave out the reasons for my 10% disagreement as if you know me then you will know why I disagree. But in say that I share for the 90%.

BTW If you don’t want to date a Transperson I am okay with that. I cannot date a super skinny person they scare me (not a lie). I am not Skinnyphobic and you are not Transphobic. Unless you start attacking my existence then you are an asshole.

I enjoy writing when the bug has me. I can sit for hours just letting the words flow. Right now I was very concerned with making the Choice a Saga style story. But the more and more people started to reply with their opinions on the book I started to think this is going to be fun. Writing takes time and linking one story to another is not a very easy task.

With that said I am working hard on the next book in The Choice Saga. Right now I am 10k in words and chapters are all set out. It is a good time to buy The Choice as you might not want to play catch up when I release the next one. I will keep you informed on the progress of the second book.

There once was a time I thought I knew what it was to be discriminated against. I had seen it so many times in the US. I thought I knew what racism was. This as well I saw it more times than I liked. I thought I knew what hatred was. I did not know much looking back.

Those things being said should shine a light on to so many people myself included, I thought I knew. But it was not until I stepped out of the shadows and told the truth about myself that I really had an awaking so to speak. When I was born I won the lottery I was a White Male child born in the USA to a middle class family. This was not the place to see that you were going to face the dark side of humanity. Some of it was my father was in the military and he did not stand for that kind of shit. In fact if you tried you were going to be in for a RUDE awakening. But that appeared not to equate to those in the LGBT spectrum, or at least it seems that way.

I was brought up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My time in the church was more like a roller coaster ride. There were times that it did live up to the hype it brought with it so many dreams that later in life it could not live up to. Now before we go any further. I am not here to bash any belief structure it is their right to believe how they want. As long as it is not shoved down my throat or interferes with my life. I do believe in a power greater than myself a “God” so-to-speak if you would like. But I do not fall on my knees and beg for anything. But we do say thank you at dinner for all that we have. Because I have seen first hand those without.

Now that was said lets move on. As I was saying I thought I knew. But I really did not. In the church I went to there are not many in powerful leaders in the church who are black, Hispanic or anything other than white and there are ZERO LGBT people in them as well. As time marched on there were token spots of colors, maybe one or two. So I also lived in a town where when the University was out those of color was not seen to a point where you would notice. Or would you? I remember my dad befriending a family who moved to our small city and they were a mixed race family. They really were not given a fair go by the town in fact they left within two years because of all the problems that were caused and aimed towards them. But my dad was kind and fair to them to the point of friendship. This was how racism in our family was, it did not matter the color of your skin we all bleed red.

Now, I thought I knew…

When I stepped out I lost 75%-90% of those who I thought I knew and loved. I was even outed by my own family to others I had chosen not to tell at the time that I stepped out. Their reasons to them seem right but to anyone in the LGBT+ community we would all say WTF. It did not change the fact of who I am at that time. Though it did break my heart and was a huge slap in the face. But even at that time I thought I knew…

Now years later (3-4) I am starting to understand that I knew very little about discrimination. I did not see it and I did not feel it until I stepped out of the shadows. A couple of days ago I was faced with it once more. But this time was different. I was not expecting it. You see when I take the time and need to go into town I clean up well and can pass (if you don’t know what this means, ask me). As I was waiting for my Uber I saw this nice new Harley pull up and I told the rider “Nice Bike” because it was. Sometimes it is nice to hear kindness and that was exactly what I was doing. The guy even said thank you. But he could have just left it that way both of us feeling good about our choices. But as he was about to turn the corner and go into the store he said “You’re a Boy not a Girl a Boy” I was shocked. After all this is this is Tassie most of the time people who don’t know or like, say nothing. But what was even more shocking was the fact that he was okay to say thank you about me telling him he had a nice bike. But was to cowardly to tell me to my face about not liking me. I am not angry in fact it was one of those things in life that you do a double take and think did I hear him right? But I did and I think to myself that not everyone understands or likes some people are even so narrow minded that they hate what they don’t know. Hell, we even have JKR who once stood for all attacking the Trans Community.

Now I am starting to understand discrimination in far to many ways. From people who throw a tissy fits about bathrooms or those who stare at you from time to time. Sadly then there are the issues when looking for work. Yeah I know it is against the law anyone with a half of a brain can get around those laws. HR companies do it all the time and it is a shocker to many if you only knew the truth. Part of the reason I have a problem with people who say they are Christians with their mouths, but are no where near it with their hearts. It tends to be a bunch of lip service. I did not know this guy nor will I remember him if I ever see him again. Does he matter? Only in the context of this post and talking about it to some friends but after this, no. Why because it says more about him than it does about me. Just like my father and the family story it says a lot about my father. I wish it would say a lot about my father and the LGBT+ communities. When it comes to my sisters it says a lot about them as well. Can we change them, no you cannot. Change has to come from the person inside. I think the only reason my parents joined the Mormon church was it provided a better outcome for a future for my family than the road we were on. But that is a story for another time.

Yeah it hurts to a point if we let in. It is also very sad that so many people have problems that they need to say negative things to others to make themselves feel good. Or those who try to justify outing someone. Or even those who say you are welcome here but don’t use that restroom you have to use the disabled one. Or even the school who says the same thing. You would think in 2020 we as a society as a whole would understand more about science than we did in the 1600’s. But with the continued failures of Education we don’t and our children are paying the price.

If you look at a 3000+ year old book and toss out science that is tested and factual you end up with problems. We are in a point in history where the smartest and strongest are not the leaders of society. For example Trump this man is an Idiot and one hell of a conman. But right now in the US there are people who have said that is has been sent by god. He hates everyone who is not him. But I better stop before it looks like I am just out to be on a soapbox.

So in my last point I ask the following question that you might really want to look at. It is not a comfortable question and not one that can be answered in haste no matter what your color of skin is or who you believe in. I say I support #blacklivesmatter and #IamAntifa, not because I have a history with both. But because we are not supposed to be here at this time in history. We should be miles ahead reaching for the stars or solving the mysteries of the universe. But we are stuck here looking at a problem that should have been solved 50 years ago. But we are still looking at 3000+ year old books and rewriting history to fit our shallow thoughts. Our hate clouds out judgement, instead of our love leading us to understanding. So think about this question and see where it takes you.

Do you really understand?

More blog posts in the works.
Photos are updated (still in the about me section)
About me is updated
Link to purchase the new book in on the main page.

More coming soon!

I love and support #freemomhugs @freemomhugsOK

About a year ago my youngest daughter was in complete tears just before dinner. It was so bad that I could see on her face a look of terror. One of a child who is lost and confused in life. So we sat down after a few hugs and telling her everything is going to be okay I will listen as she talks. We sat in silence for about 5 minutes as she regained her composure. I was doing all I could to not cry as my daughter was trying to be strong.

In a soft and kind voice she told me that she was Bi. I looked at her and said “okay, so?” I know that she was not ready for this simple answer but to be honest nothing more could be said. It did not need to be said. I walked over to her and gave her a hug and told her I loved her. It was right then and there she asked me not to tell the other parent. Okay I was not going to in the first place. Not like it coming from me would help anything between the two of us. She was concerned that the other parent would be unkind to her. I could not argue with her, it was a concern of mine as well. But this past week my daughter told the other parent and it went okay. (Phew)

I watch so many parents get it wrong all the time. I see and hear the fallout of their actions and not the actions of the child. Children disowned, hated and even kicked out of the house before they were 18. I said it once and I’ll say it again. If your child gets more love and compassion from a strangers hug, then you are not a parent you are a donor. With the responsibility of children comes the ups and downs of their lives. Yes, we all make mistakes some we are unwilling to accept. But they notice and they will remind you in different forms. This I know all to well.

Last thing I want to say on this is that it is none of anyone’s business to whom you are attracted to. You don’t ever have to tell it to people. Live your life the best you can. Get your education! Then find someone who is right for you. Others have to adjust to your life. If that life is with someone of the same gender than if they love you it is alright.

Love is love and it does not matter who is in your bed or holding your heart.