Getting into the groove

Well day by day the groove happens even if we don’t want it to. You might as well take a hold of it with both hands. So embracing that dreams that I have of making this blog successful and wanting to help others, and for others to see what my life is like and that it Train-Wreck-1is no different than any other. I really don’t like Jenner hell we have given her 2 years so far and what has she done other than line her pockets. Opps off track…..

Okay so back top it I wanted to look at what can be done to help improve my blog. So I am looking at starting a stay at home business model which will be added on to this blog as well. So I wanted to look at cosmetics cause a lot of those who are in the trans community are still a bit spooked by asking questions and just don’t know who to go to for  help in that area cause trust me not all of us want to look like a drag queen not there is nothing wrong with that mind you.

So I have taken a look at a few of the bushiness models and I was not really all that impressed of the a lot of them and I wanted a bit of training as well. Cause you could never get enough help sometimes. I wanted to work with something that had been around with a proven track record and not a fly by night program. So I sent in a request today of a company I have used in the past and while it is not top of the range it is reasonable for the cost output as well. So we will see more about this as time goes on.

I am coming up on a new month done and have been lcalendarooking at what took the place of the last month. SO keep an eye on the My book page for the hormone update.

 

 

Just as a side note I am sure you have noticed that my Dyslexia gets in the way sometimes writing and I am sorry for that but it is after all a real fact of my life. Though to be honest I am humble enough if something needs to be corrected and someone tells me I am happy to fix it for you. But I am not really willing to fix content.dyslexic

Look at it this way if I can do this blog i know others with Dyslexia will also be able to hurdle this little bump in our roads of life.

 

I came across a YouTube video the other week which concerned me a great deal and started a research binge for a few days. What it was about Transgender regrets. This old man sat there and claimed that 90% of us have a mental disorder and that is why we follow down this path in life. That our core issue of feeling like we are not in our right skin is linked to that.skin To be honest I have taken a long hard look over the years at this subject and I can see that to a little part he is correct. Anxiety, Depression, Introverted and the list goes on and on. But I do not agree that what he was saying is that 90% us suffer from greater issues. That if these issues were addressed we could be cured. I think he takes this path as part of his regrets as if you can follow this line, he was once a she who once was a he… I think his own issues have clouded his judgement of the core issues that sit with 99% of Trans that we all had to hide some for a very long time and that kind of hiding changes a person. The bullying of friends and families and even the ones we marry is very harmful. Even I have heard lines like why can’t you be a real man. That line is a very painful one but I am not alone in hearing those.I guess you can look at it in this light Just be the best person you can be and if others don’t like or cannot handle it to bad for them.

 

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Changes to my life

I am being dragged kicking and screaming to a new life. Now note this is not meaning that I don’t want it. In fact the thought of reaching this part in my life I never foresaw. Okay now let me explain.

Sometimes you have friends who do things to make you life better. Case in point Rowan who offered money to help the children and I get on out feet. Lucky I was thinking ahead and that was not needed, but in the end what a great friend. Something has happened here in the last couple of months I have met this friend at a games night held by another friend. We lost track of each other for qa few months then out of the blue this crazy woman contacted me and our friendship has grown from there. Well a few weeks ago we went looking at material for curtains and there were a few I liked. Next thing I know I am really thinking this is a great idea…..

A couple of weeks pass by and we go in again and boom 30 minutes later we are leaving with the material for curtains. I told her I don’t sew but as the great friend she has become boom no worries I do. So real curtains are on there way. Then we were in Bunnings a place of  my dreams that when I am done I am in nightmares cause I have so many plans and some are started. So when we fled our home I left a bed that meant a lot to me cause it was purchased with my oldest children in a very dark time (yup i don’t think i will get that back). We started talking about making a four poster bed. In my mind and hers we looked at the parts and next thing you know I am home setting up my room seeing if this can be done. The kids see me changing my room and so it begins they CLEAN their rooms and start to move things around like spring cleaning. I have been in a battle trying to get Niamh to clean her room and now cause my friend is making curtains BOOM it is clean. WHAT……did I miss bride 101 for children, no I know it well but this bribe worked…..Thank you my wonderful friend.

Four poster bed…….LOL it is in the works, lol. I am not really kicking and screaming I am loving this new life that is without the EX-to-be. I am so going to have a party that day I really mean it. Cause there just has to be one.

The Second visit

Well the fact remains the same it just works. I went in for my second laser hair removal treatment. Less pain this time and I can tell it is working. I love the way my face feels after it is done sure it stings a bit, though wow it is amazing to feel no stubble as all cause you can smell it getting burned off. My next appointment is in  3 weeks due to school holidays though in a couple of weeks I should see a major drop in facial hair. I love the look of my face no hair and nice looking hair. Things are coming together bit by bit. I am so very happy right now. I really do think that the ladies at Vogue in Launceston do a great job.

Need to put this out

Hello everyone, Thank you so much for all the feedback that I get. I do try to reply to all of it in one form or another. I need to remind that I will not reply to abusive messages or emails. I am however happy to talk and listen if you need some wisdom.

Sometimes (rant warning)

There are days you feel like you are the fourth page of a google search. Well I was feeling a bit ordinary all morning could not find the mojo. I was a bit angry that the Ex-to-be would forget to inform me that our daughter had a good crash on her bike and she was having a hard time walking. We get home and she is complaining a bit about it all and the that she is having a hard time bending it. I take a good look at her knee and it is the size of Grapefruit. Wow give it the first aid treatment, cause I am trained in that (yup i am pissed). I am unable to say without a doubt that there is nothing wrong so off to 3 hours of the LGH (Launceston General Hospital), the doctor who took the time to look at it was not sure so X-Rays are ordered. Phew no breaks that we can see. Good home we go with the orders of very little walking and keep it up and ice it. If pain arises give anti-inflammatory pain relief. Msg ex-to-be (not accusing anything) to say hey here is what is going on and I get back SHIT. WTF at some point just because you have been a parent for 20+ years does not make you a know it all. Those of us who are trained can’t tell how are you going to tell, give me a break. All I asked was next time could you please inform me of a accident so that I am informed.it in not like I am asking for the GDP of a country. All I was doing was also being a good parent in telling her that we went to the LGH. RAGH!!!!!!!

Niamh still has a knee that looks bad I am going to have to get her to the GP and have them look really good at it. Cause without a break the swelling should have dropped and some of the pain resided. Which it has not done even after a day of elevation and ice.

I love being a parent going through a divorce. Wow what stress on simple stuff there is. What a waste of time at the LGH for several hours. Oh yeah That Jackass of a family assessor  can kiss my ass. The mum is better suited, and I am telling the kids bad things about her. I don’t have to do any of that she nukes everything on her own. In the car tonight asking Niamh about how things are going she brushes Niamh’s concerns off like it was nothing. Then tells Gabriel that he was wrong that there is no more WII’s being sold that they are not made anymore and you can’t get any games for them. That I should give the one we have back to her, cause her father bought it for the kids. We surprise me we agreed I could take it so you would keep the PS3. How many lies have you told yourself? Plus he knew that you can’t buy new ones but places still have a few games here and there. Cause he just got a new game a couple of days ago. Gets off the phone with her and yells out I hate when she lies to me.

To say this divorce was ever going to be smooth was a self dissolution ion progress. Glad it is going through Grant cause I think I would have been fucked in the end.

 

Friends……..

I really love all of my friends, I count myself very lucky to know all of them and I am inspired by some of them. All of them are very kind, loving, and friendly people. That said put the in a group setting you will lose track of time. I did that yesterday my day started with me getting a hair cut and the fear that come with that. Then the day just went on and on. I was having so much fun. I even had a wonderful time talking to the children who were at there mums for a visit(normally I miss them so very much, I am still not used to seeing them everyday).
All we needed last night was camp fire it would have been a beer commercial you know the ones “good friends, good times, good beer, blah blah blah” laughter all around serous talks as well. Talks around gender and surgery stupid things we have done. Would have loved to have had a few others that I know there as well. Though I have a few friends who I love so very much that when the talking of the black item came might have run out of the friends house screaming.
I think of the times and the friends that in have and the life I have built before and after choices made and the friends I have did not change only grew. Am I defined by my friends well in a way yes we are the company we keep. If the people we are calling friends are shallow and without real soul………just saying that if you have friends like that what does that say about you?

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What a good friend the person who took this photo is. I got home to another friend waiting and checking on me. In return I could not wait to gas bag with her. I wish I could introduce all of my friends in a small way but all of them have such redeeming qualities that two pages would not be enough to write about them and I could not have do justice to how I see all of them. So here is an offer if you see me talking to a friend don’t be scared come join in you will never know who you might get to meet. You know what I am saying, it could the loving caring soul who is Rowan, it could be the friend that I talk to who gives it to me straight Denise, it could even be the woman I call my mum Jackie you never know. Though I do promise a wonderful person. Oh BTW the way I do have a this one friend who I simply adore have has reignited my love for signing so if you see me with this amazing multi colored hair woman talking and broken signing please be kind and come talk but wait until we can focus on you. Cause once you get to know her you might even ask like my kids do when can we see……. Again. Notice I did not give you her name that’s cause I would rather you ask her😁.
Well my dear readers it is 9am and I need to shower

by the way I can’t wait until the end of the month guys you can stop reading at this point, lol. I have hit a stage that I did not think I was going to hit for at least another six to twelve months I have gone up a cup size. I can only feel really funny about this. Cause I look down and there they are getting to a point where I am not being able to hide them.

P.s.I am finding out that I am not the only person in the lgbtiq…..who wants Jenner to shut the beep up. Sad in a way the fall from grace this once hero has done. I don’t think that all of it is due to the trans woman issues. Just saying that if you are hollow………reap and sow kind of thing, eh?

The hair cut

OK, after waking up looked like I tied one one last night I made the choice to face my fear of hair cuts. So I had met this person at price cutters this week Elle. She invited me to come see her when I was ready for a gender affirming haircut. Well being it took me also a year to get it to this length I was worried about someone messing with and I would be back at square one at again. Elle talked to me for a little we set a plan and a course for the future. Once my hair was wet out came my curls. Surprise yup I have something other women want and a lot don’t, nice natural curly hair.  After a few snips Elle did a small styling pop my hair looked better.
We talked about where I was from and how long I have been here for.  We talked about a small about gender issues and my children. I was so pleased with the amazing treatment I was given, when Elle asked if I would suggest to others who are trans to come see her I told her that I would blog it. Elle you made me feel great and I look forward to the future..