First let’s get rid of the term gay or even sexual attractions. Yeah, I know they told you that they were but please forgive your child and let’s forget the terms for just a little bit.
Since coming out and even while in the closet, I read stories about what it is like to be trans. I had to know more about what I was feeling. I don’t think that it is very easy to help you grasp what your child is going through and I don’t think that there is a way to help your child understand you.
So now that we are on even ground both of you knowing nothing about the other and what the other is going through. Lets begin……
As you have most likely been told hey (Parent) I’m trans. Wh3en the fact is we have always been Trans. It is easy to see it if we look at it like this lets say one parent is white and the other is black. Okay now you are starting to see a picture. Now lets look at it from there eyes, they have always been half & half. Not really white and not really black, in fact they live in both worlds while not living in any world. I know that it is confusing to try to wrap your head around. Now lets open it up a little more. Your child the one who is black and white wants to explore one of his sides just a little more and try to understand why god have made them that way or you have made him that way. So he being an urban background wants to move out to the country and live with his grandparents who are black.
Yup I have you on a journey. So you child heads our to learn more about being black. Did that change your child in any way? Yes it did, in many different ways that you were not ready for. Now they stand in front of you still the same black and white child you gave birth to. But now they are ready to accept who they are to a point and they are asking you to walk with them as they are just a little person learning to walk again for the first time once more. Remember that cute simple little hand reaching out for yours, well here it is once more asking for your help.
Did this little child you helped learn to walk really know what it was all about, no they never did. They were scared just the same as you are. What if I fall? Who will catch me? I know my parents….
Now that we have taken a bit of the time and the way we look at them telling you about them telling you is really a need for that hand in case they fall is because they need the one person in their life who is the MOST important and that happens to be you. Sure you can’t teach them this time but what can you do?
I can’t tell you how they feel at this point. That is something you need to talk to them about. I am a parent I know how you are thinking at this time. I am Trans, so I do know what they are thinking. We did not have children for them to go through what they are going through. We did not invest all the love hopes and dreams to have them struggle. But you need to face a simple fact that close to 40% of all Trans have felt so confused, so alone, without hope that they only see suicide as a way out of the huge amount of pain. We as parents do know how to save a life of our child, listen and love. God it seems so simple just like it was when that little child grasped your finger for the fist time. You remember that, don’t you……
I know that the loss and grief is going to be so very very hard for you to carry. Look at it this way is it better to have this young child who is holding your hand or you holding the lid of a coffin. Yes it can be that dire. Oh the things that have changed in me once I no longer had to struggle with everything that is around me. You might see it as a simple piece of clothing though to us it is a key to our jail cell.
I do wish you the best on your journey. I know it will be hard, in fact every single one of us who are trans know it is going to be hard. But we trust you as we want to once more grasp your safe hand……..