Well today was so nice and fun. Crapes and great learning opportunity. It was so fun to drop in on a good friend and talk counseling talk. I love when you have friends that you know are far smarter than you on a subject but they make you feel normal and then as you leave the topic you are educated and feel good about learning.
Case in point we were talking about friendship roles and how that relationship might change from one friendship to another. For example I have three really great friend AL, Rowan and Graham. in our friendship circle if I needed to seek higher information on computers that I no longer have I can ask these guys. While they are not required to play this role in our friendship cause it is not the core of it (thank god cause I value them for more than one simple small issue) but if I need them they are able to play it. Friendships like theirs have many roles and my part in our friendship has a role as well.
we can view some friendship that a single-sided and if that need is not being met can be lost without to much suffering. Sometime we need to cut those friendships cause they have become poisonous even if a need for that type of friendship is there.
While I am not an expert at this subject we were talking about the loss of the friendship between the ex-to-be and I, removing the issues of a physical relationship versus emotional. The removal of the poisonous part to assist in the healing of the body and soul.
What started this line of talk with my friend and his wife was the issue is that I am still finding myself trying to be kind to the ex-to-be. I am finding that I am just applying the poison myself and willingly. For example tonight the ex-to-be called after the agreed upon time and I allowed the call to happen cause it was a matter for the children. Niamh bless her soul get really angry with her excuse that her boyfriend had an issue and she worked it out with him. Niamh took that as her mums boyfriend was more important. Gabriel was talking to the ex-to-be first and was playing on his tablet he was also trying to explain to Katherine that Niamh was upset and Katherine kept trying to justify the late call did not matter and that was cause Niamh does not want to talk sometimes to her. I told Gabriel to give me his tablet so he could talk to the ex-to-be (I though I was being nice) she then said to Gabriel what is dad telling you to be quite and I said “no I asking him to put down his tablet to talk to you” well so much for being nice cause the next few words back to me was “leave me alone”. Well to say that she was not ready for the outburst of Niamh cause it came fast and quick “Why don’t you leave us alone” the ex-to-be without compassion or concern started to argue with an 8 year old and then hung up. Gabriel got angry at Niamh for her out burst so I had to calm the storm that was going on and fast which I did and pointed out to him Niamh was angry and had a right to be cause in her thoughts mum boyfriend was more important than Niamh. Once Gabriel could see than he hugged her and gave some comfort to his little sister. I told him he could recall mum if he wished, once the call was made the ex-to-be started to work on the fight again and said a few more hurtful things to Niamh and I started to calm Niamh the ex-to-be said to Gabriel leave the room I don’t want to hear Allen (my old name). Niamh was fast to reply again I don’t want to hear you. I could hear the comments as Gabriel left the room.
I look at this kind of relationship that has developed with the ex-to-be as toxic with me so I have made the choice tonight that if the children are playing on the tablets bugger her she can deal with the crap of a dull disjointed conversation with her. There is no need to self apply poison, I don’t need her for anything. The more she keeps applying poison to the children’s relationship it is going to be her problems not mine….