What dreams may come

In 2008 I was excited by what was going on in the US. I even got my hopes up to only be let down. I watched over a total of 8 years some of my fellow Americans allow the Status Quo to continue. This year I felt it would be much the same. I left the US and over the years I have not regretted the choice of moving to Australia. I have learned that what I once thought was the greatest Country on Earth turn out to only be the state ran Propaganda Machine. Once I was free from that Machine I started looking at my country in a sad light one that made me never want to return to it.

Later in my life I found that some of this deception was driven by the church I was involved in since I was the age of 8. I left it as well……

In 2015 I found that my marriage was a sham filled with lies and abuse. The person to whom I was married to was not the real person that lied behind a mask. For 10 years we were the perfect couple for each other. Sure there were pit falls and bumps in the road. Then she took the mask off and just like my country and church, I saw what she was hiding only to late….. But we left and I vowed never to return to that type of a person ever again.

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In 2016 a man stood up and said no more, No we are not going to take it. Now once again I am going to sit back and hope that a new era of the United States of America can be found. Hope is but a small dream.

In 2015 I looked and looked for a new church for my children and I. Though as I stood by my beliefs I found that it was not easy to find a church that fits with my beliefs. So what has taken place, nothing I simply am unable to find one. So where does that leave it? I am not really sure at this time. I know what I believe in and right now that is fine with me.

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This week I am dealing with the fact that I am all alone with no children. I know I have done this a few times but it is not very easy. It is getting better the first time it happened I did not get out of bed in fact I did not get off the couch. I grabbed a blanket and that was where I stayed. The second time it was not as hard but I was on the path to a new life without her….. Christmas was the hard part though I was very lucky to have had good friends. This time I still miss them and I am wanting to tuck them into bed like I have done for as long as I can remember. Before I go to bed I talk to there doors and wish them a good night hoping that they can hear my love for them over the distance. I get to talk to them every night so that makes it easier. Soon they will once more be home in my arms.

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I spent some time with some good friends yesterday. I was very nice to have been building my friendship circles. It is getting bigger and stronger. I am starting to feel like I could allow someone in though I am still reserved. Cause to be honest I worry about the person and how they will deal with the horror that is part of my life. That is not even my Transition or my Kids cause both of those are such blessings. I am not even able to explain what it feels like to be “Me”. The freedom that is not dealing with the inner conflict that I have always known to this point in my life.

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De-Transitioning, I though I would touch on this a bit cause I was asked in an email. I am not sure why this person really wanted to know about if I would think of doing it. As I talked about this being something I have been at peace with for a long time. Once the Hormones took off I was so happy with the loss of the conflict that was taking place in my soul. The thought of going back to causing my conflict is not something that I am willing to do. So even to entertain this idea as part of a conversation is not a fun and peaceful idea. So to be honest this is all the time I am going to give it.

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I bet you wondering why this is post is broke up this way. So of it is normal post other parts are answers to questions that I have received.

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Why do this now? Well lets look at it. Yes I am 46 getting divorced and my children live with me. Okay so my kids have kinda like two mums (but I am dad). They are happy and I am happy, so why not be true to my own self. At least I am not trying to be something I am not. Say what you mean, Mean what you say. Do not be afraid to regret it is the ability of the honest soul that can look within to begin the change.

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okay off the box, have a wonderful week ahead. Do something kind this week.

 

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