Life does seem to come full circle. Many readers have seen my battle with the LDS faith, Family, Loved ones and the list goes on. About a year ago my mum told me on the phone that she had 6 months to live and that she had cancer. I grew up living with a parent who was ill in one form or another. SO as my mum told me this i was a bit upset and as I was able to adjust to the fact that my mum told the Ex-to-be not to tell until she was dead and in the ground and that my ex-to-be agreed to this wish of my mothers as she did not want me there due to being Trans and it might upset others in my family. I was very very angry and upset that two people who I would have and did do anything for did this to me. I was needless to say shocked that the ex-to-be would stoop this low and then the next day lie to the police. Wow I am amazed by the lack of decent human respect my family has shown over the last two years, this includes my Ex-to-be.
I have not kept my feeling in these matters silent and I never will as what was done was wrong on so many levels. This last week my mum and dad called to say she does not have long. So I listened and I gave the opportunity to be honest and free her soul from anything she might want to leave behind. I got really mad when that chance was wasted. In fact I was really mad when it was just more of the same. My Grandmother was the same way with her and she was very hurt when my Grandmother passed away and did not take the chance to free her soul as well.
Today I received a call from my Father and I chose not to pick it up and his msg made no sense, so i did call back only to be told that my mum has a week left. My dad woke my mum and allowed me once more to talk to her. I gave again, I now know my mum’s pain with her mum as I am feeling it with her. I am lucky to make sure that I will not repeat these two women’s errors in this life. My second oldest Daughter in the wold sent me a msg telling me to ring my dad, after I already did it. Then I got a msg saying thank you.
I told my Daughter that when she is ready I am here. We have not talked for many years due to the way she has treated me. Today I opened the door allowing her to talk it out and free her soul of the weight that she is carrying. It did not happen all i got was more vile tossed at me. So in the an opportunity was wasted. In the last I line I freed myself from the hurt and weight that I have been carrying from her.Her last line is that she did not want to communicate any longer. I sent back that I forgive her and when she is ready I am here.
A long time ago I learned that forgiving another person does not mean that you have to keep placing yourself in a position to be hurt. Okay lets be honest it was not that long ago.
It was this song that summed up my feelings towards those who waste love for stupidity of actions and words.
Another tear falls from heaven…….