The activist in me, OOooooo…….

Dianne (Beep) It’s shameful that a transgender woman isn’t happy believing in his/her heart that he is exactly the same as a real woman, the simple fact is he is not and never will be genetically a “real” woman. Real women grow breasts that comfort and nourish their young. They have a womb, they begin menstruating as a young teen and from that moment on she knows she has the power to create another human, whether she acts on it or not it is her choice. Most women conceive, carry and deliver a child from her body, nothing in the world compares to that. You might like to think it does, but no man could ever understand how it feels for 9 months to share your own body with another human, it cannot be explained, it must be felt to truly comprehend. Real women bleed, they ache, they swell, their bones are smaller, their muscles weaker, yet they care for the entire family, and most have a career on top of that. Women are the soft spot on which their husbands and children land when they need comforting. So no, no man can understand what it is truly like to be a woman, and no, no woman can understand what it is like to truly be a man.

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Aleana Robins
Aleana Robins Dianne I respect you views, but at the same time you are missing major points that is part of every Trans it is that we have not felt “right” since most of us can remember. This is not a choice we are making we did not get a choice. I bet if you asked any Trans we all would say, yes life would be easier if we could stay the same as everyone else.
Though staying the same is not a choice we have if we want to thrive within our own skin.
Yes you are 100% correct we don’t know what it is like to be what we were not born with. At the same time we do not know what it is like to be what we are born with. I identify as a Transwoman, I was born with the parts of a man. Though in my mind I never was a man. This will never make sense to CIS gendered people cause you don’t have the issue. We are fully aware that we are the ones who do not fit into both sides of the binary.
So what do we do? First we try to find some group that we identify with the closest for me I was always Women. I know my limits but at the same time those limits are only placed there by those who have never understood what it is like to be a soul without the correct home.
I would like to welcome you to read my blog it is about my Transition and what I go through on a day to day basis. I think once you take the time and learn about me you will see that I am not any different than you. Have a peek at www aleanasjourney com. If you have any questions while reading my blog ask me I will do my best to answer. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Like · Reply · 5 mins
Aleana Robins
Aleana Robins Dianne L(beep) Once again I respect your voice and the way you are feeling. You have asked and made a lot of statements and I would love to try to help your understanding. First I respect you when you talk about your confidence in your gender role. There were days as a youth when I begged for God to make me just like you. Now we need to air out a few small misconceptions. I am not here to tell you tell you how to think or feel when it comes to you being the Gender role that you are comfortable with. These are your rights in a free country. The points that you bring up with your regards of God. There is a huge hole in this argument as mankind in one form or another has played the God game. God, in agreement with you (yes, I am Christian) has created each and everyone of us. All of us with our flaws and strengths. I want you next time you need to get an Immunization think about the idea that someone played god to save lives and you have played god to save yours. f you are going to use the God/Bible attack you might want to review the words on women, adultery, blacks, and slavery……..many many more. One who pick and plucks through the word of god is creating a sin as well. Yes I know your next argument, so without going through verse by verse and people thinking this is just a religious rant. No one needs to cast that stone.
I am not denting that DNA is the structure to which we are built upon, but if you are going to take the Argument of God then you must agree that DNA is flawed, do you see where this part of the argument could go? You cannot argue the God line and switch back to the science line as well. Cause the next part is an attack upon the structure of mankind to understand God and the written word or you have to look and think that science is flawed. There is only a stalemate to this line of thinking.
Now the last part of you reply was a line that you might want to rethink ” Once we choose to demand people accept us for what we want to be, instead of accepting” So the status Quo was back in the 50’s still allowed race discrimination. When did women start voting 1894-1923. Is the status quo that you are requesting what you really agree to?

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Aleana Robins
Aleana Robins Dianne L(beep) To be honest I am not here to force you to agree with me. I am only asking you to rethink your reasons for the you points of view. There is nothing wrong with saying “I just don’t like it” or “It’s not for me”. We should always be careful when we need the past to support our stance in the present.
Now I understand that I am speaking in a “We” when in truth I am speaking for “Me”. I hope she takes the time and has a read my be even ask me questions. As I have said in the past I am very happy to answer.Well I have a feeling like this person is going to drag this on once they read what I wrote, lol. I though I would share this with you as pointing out that you can stand up for yourself without being militant towards others. Allow them the right to feel like they do. We too have a right to disagree.
I hope your day is filled with love and happiness…..
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They are home….

Well it is nice to have them home again. So that we just sat down and had dinner in the living room talking and enjoying good food. Bed time came and we were happy once more. Kids were happy to be home.

It is strange that I missed the snoring of the children and when it was back I missed it so much I stay awake in my bed and enjoyed it. My heart was full to the brim.

Gabriel told me today that the mum of one of his friends does not like me. We had a chat about it and I told him “mate that is okay I never asked her to like me, all I did was when she was in need I gave her help. If she does not like me it weighs not on my soul cause I am at peace”. Gabriel listened took what I said and asked “What is it like to be at peace with her hating you” I told him “Peace is a wonderful thing, it comes at a cost. That cost is not mine to pay, I have paid kindness for the hatred and I will not hate for another persons problems”. He looked at me and stated that he though he understood, we chatted a bit more and he repeated what he thought I said back. He was very close and close in that matter was good enough for Karma to be happy.

 

Back at my favorite place

So here I am on a new day with good friends to surround me. The board mills market. I love this place for a few reasons. It has spawned an amazing new growth let’s share………

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Wow, this is the start of something wonderful. Now they are adding a bar….. This is not the finished product but it is a start. I have been told of what is coming. If you want a place to sit and enjoy a wonderful afternoon with food that is to die for. Simple yet that sense of comfort food.

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The inclusion cafe is still here as well. Good hot chocolate and coffees. Wonderful company.

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I am so excited for my friends and what they are building. With James making the bar it will be am amazing place to relax and enjoy time with good friend. If you are in Tasmania or visiting come for a peek have a seat. Come now and watch the birth of something wonderful. It is not like surprise it’s here type place your input and ideas are listened to. I can’t wait a mini stage is in the works as well. So live comfort music at times. I am loving this place for writing good people and good company. What else could a person want for a Relaxing place on a Saturday.

Well I would write about something but I am so happy right now I think someone might be confused. I am not going to wear black in respect for my mum. I’m not going to look about it as well. I am just going to live and have a good life. I know that my mum never understood me but why sook about it. I am going to live and be happy. Thanks God for who I am……

The problem is all in your head

To barrow a line from Paul Simon….. Somethings are not worth the paper they are written on I find that seems to be the case with the ex-to-be. It really is a pisser.

Well I don’t wont to focus on her issues. I lost my mum yesterday my day, since I got the news I was rather unproductive even after a girl friend told me to get my ass moving. I spent sometime searching my memories finding some of the better ones that my mother and I had. I looked at how my mums relationship with her own mum was a bit toxic and I looked at ours it felt more like a roller coaster of some fucked up times and some good times. I don’t want to mislead people in thinking that the times were better than they were. Though when she ignored my issues and looked at me a just one of her children it was great. We used to go out for lunch here and there when she was lonely. Bridges got burnt from time to time and that is a very sad thing. I would spend time rebuilding them in hopes that they someone in my family would not place TNT at the base of the bridge. But you get to a point where rebuilding is not something you want to do anymore. I think the Mormon church has caused a few problems in my family and some of those have created a huge gap between my sister and I and when she called to tell me our mum had died it was like talking to a stranger on the other end of the line not my sister and 30 minutes after she passed. It is Strange when those who take a path that seeks to destroy another person yet proclaim to be Christian. I try to find forgiveness in my heart for my sister and her actions but I am not really at the point were that is possible. I am not sure if I will reach that point for a long time if ever.

I was really sad when my niece passed away a number of years ago. At the time I was coaching my step-sons soccer team for the second year and the stress of losing her to cancer really left me with a angry personality for a short season. I wanted my children home before my mum passed but time in the hourglass ran out before it was to happen and I did not think she was going to make Sunday the way she was fading. But my ex-to-be refused to hand the children over and that makes it hard as well. It is very sad to point out that our family is not very healthy at all surprisingly I think of my Mum, Dad and Sisters and I, I am the healthy one. One of my sisters is going to drink herself to an early grave and the other one is on the way to eating herself there. If I dig mine faster than normal it is going to be stress or sheer boredom.

I lost communication with one of my daughters and that is due to the fact that my sister. I know that this daughter never liked the Ex-to-be yet her and the ex-to-be seemed at a point to be snakes together when we were starting the divorce. It in a way is sad how negativity seeks others just like itself.

I have been trying to rebuild parts of my soul that were damaged by years of hiding, letting others walk over me, abuse me,. lie to me and all around not being true to myself. When I stopped hiding there has been a huge release of stress. I find it strange and a sense of comfort that comes with not having to deal with finding time to be me. I wonder at times what my life would have been like had my mum just loved me instead of being mad that I was not a perfect little Mormon boy. I am very glad that I have my seven children. Yeah I can see your face right now as you read that. Yup 3 are adults, 1 is a young adult, 3 are still under ten. I saw a photo of the daughter who gave birth to my first grandchild. I wanted to tell her something that I knew that no one else knew cause it was my memory that took the photo. I was looking at her most likely just after the birth of the baby and she was a spitting image of her mother when she had her. Joy was so beautiful when that child was born even though she was high as a kite due to the nurses….I looked at that photo and was taken back seeing her mum, Joy at the very same look. Both were so beautiful, it is sad that she will never know the joy I had seeing that picture and the beauty her and her mum shared.

I have a wonderful older Daughter who is getting married and I am so proud of her and the happiness she brought in to my life. My oldest son has been talking to me a lot these last few months. I am so happy getting to know him, I cant wait to see him once the house sells. My child who does not want to be named is a teenager so we will leave it at that, lol. I do love her.Then my three little Heroes if you read the blog your know my love and pride. I may not like the actions of their mum but I am thankful for her being their mum and the happy years.

I hope you can see what I am saying. Being Trans has nothing to do with it all. What is the blessing is that I have learned a number years ago to be thankful before time runs out. I am sad that my mum did not find that part in herself to connect with the real me. So many things would have been better off. How much time do we waste on trying to change someone to fit what we think is wrong with them. Yeah I know I am saying that but I want my mum to have changed as well. I never forced who I was, like some of my family has been doing to me. That is what I am pointing out….. I think that spending the time today reflecting was my way to say goodbye to her. I like the feeling of a peaceful soul when it comes to her. I invited my dad to come for a visit, though I think my dad will pass as seeing me as a woman might not work for him. At least over the phone he does not have to face the truth. It is sad in a way cause he will miss out of my little Heroes.

I will say this much that I have learned unless you work on healing the wounds times does not heal them. It only dulls the pain….I wish my mum and I never had our issues, time is fleeting and you have no choice but to face an empty hourglass. But I also know somethings cannot be repaired as the damage is far to great. Well I could keep going on and on. I do tend to be a gas bag at times. even more so when I can’t sleep. Good Night

Be kind, forgive…..

Wow I am the first to admit

I am the first to admit when I am wrong. I am hit a bit harder than I thought I would be at mumthe passing of my mum. I am glad I was able to say goodbye before she left. So right now I am sitting here with a can of Dr. Pepper my mums favorite drink and a half filled glass for her. Thinking of the good times trying to avoid the bad memories. I am glad she is out of pain. I hope she finds the heaven she was promised.

 

 

 

 

 

Goodbye Mum

I want to say a few words, please understand how hard this is for me and I can understand if you are in my shoes as well. This week I was told my mum is losing her battle with cancer. Today I called and found out that my mum has only days left as she has stopped drinking and eating. My mum has never accepted that I am Trans or my identity. Though today I asked my father to place the phone next to my mum who is now in a coma for a lack of better terms. I forgave my mum and told my mum thank you and that it is okay to go I will be alright. I share this with you cause at some point we should find peace in our own souls. Learn to let peace be your guide, forgive and let your healing begin.

Life comes full circle

Life does seem to come full circle. Many readers have seen my battle with the LDS faith, Family, Loved ones and the list goes on. About a year ago my mum told me on the phone that she had 6 months to live and that she had cancer. I  grew up living with a parent who was ill in one form or another. SO as my mum told me this i was a bit upset and as I was able to adjust to the fact that my mum told the Ex-to-be not to tell until she was dead and in the ground and that my ex-to-be agreed to this wish of my mothers as she did not want me there due to being Trans and it might upset others in my family. I was very very angry and upset that two people who I would have and did do anything for did this to me. I was needless to say shocked that the ex-to-be would stoop this low and then the next day lie to the police. Wow I am amazed by the lack of decent human respect my family has shown over the last two years, this includes my Ex-to-be.
I have not kept my feeling in these matters silent and I never will as what was done was wrong on so many levels. This last week my mum and dad called to say she does not have long.  So I listened and I gave the opportunity to be honest and free her soul from anything she might want to leave behind. I got really mad when that chance was wasted. In fact I was really mad when it was just more of the same. My Grandmother was the same way with her and she was very hurt when my Grandmother passed away and did not take the chance to free her soul as well.
Today I received a call from my Father and I chose not to pick it up and his msg made no sense, so i did call back only to be told that my mum has a week left. My dad woke my mum and allowed me once more to talk to her. I gave again, I now know my mum’s pain with her mum as I am feeling it with her. I am lucky to make sure that I will not repeat these two women’s errors in this life. My second oldest Daughter in the wold sent me a msg telling me to ring my dad, after I already did it. Then I got a msg saying thank you.

I told my Daughter that when she is ready I am here. We have not talked for many years due to the way she has treated me. Today I opened the door allowing her to talk it out and free her soul of the weight that she is carrying. It did not happen all i got was more vile tossed at me. So in the an opportunity was wasted. In the last I line I freed myself from the hurt and weight that I have been carrying from her.Her last line is that she did not want to communicate any longer. I sent back that I forgive her and when she is ready I am here.

A long time ago I learned that forgiving another person does not mean that you have to keep placing yourself in a position to be hurt. Okay lets be honest it was not that long ago.

It was this song that summed up my feelings towards those who waste love for stupidity of actions and words.

 Another tear falls from heaven…….