Feeling A bit upset

Tonight I was informed by a good friend that a post made me look like a twat. I went back read it and saw nothing wrong. I did it three times and it sank in the errors I made.
I really hate being dyslexic. To me it has been far worse of a problem in my life than being trans. I was 17 when I learned how to read. Still to this day words move on me when I read. Proof reading, I do my best but even there I can fail. I’m a lot better these days, but the errors still take place. Numbers like 6 and 9, b and d and sometimes I and l if the font used makes them to close.
I avoid reading in front of people like the plague. Nothing more embarrassing then having words as they move as your reading out loud. I learned in radio that you can read without trying to understand this solves a huge part of it. But if the area you are reading is large…..you’re screwed.
I used to get teased by the ex-to-be cause I would not read. Until you have words move nothing can make you understand. Nothing is more frustrating then reading a book for hours and you understand nothing. My friend gives me a bit of flack about it some time’s as well. Not many people grasp the mental tricks you learn to get by. In my head I sometimes see a whole paragraph different than you might, thus my understanding of the paragraph might be different as well. If I need to read something that the attorney send me, I read it about 5 times. Just to get to an understanding. It can drive you a bit mad at times. Uni was hell…….
I felt so bad after it was pointed out, my screw up, I had to go and sit with Niamh to calm down.
I am very lucky in a way while reading can be a huge hurdle in my life. I am blessed to have a memory that acts like a flashback. Give you an idea, I remember everything about each of my children’s birth and like a flashback I can relive them. The smells, the sounds of everything going on. I remember the first time I kissed my children’s mums. I remember everything around that one moment in time. This memories can be a curse as well I remember the day my daughter told me about what the boy did… I try to forget those ones that hurt but they are all there lumped in with the good ones.
Tonight I sat at the foot of her bed, tears rolling down my face over my dyslexia and the error. I closed my eyes and I was in the memory of her birth. I know there is a lot of pain when it comes to her mum. Though going back to that day all I can feel is love and the beauty that is a child being born.
So as you read my blog please forgive if you see errors. I try to fix them as I go, some of them are a bit sneaky. I hope if you every have a child like me who has dyslexia, take it easy on them we learn very different than others.
I do love writing this blog even when I make errors. I’m getting better at the writing, just need to slow down the typing and not talk to others as I write. My mind start multitasking several things and something goes bonkers.
Thank for taking the time and having a read.

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One thought on “Feeling A bit upset

  1. There’s a post going round the internet that looks like a jumble of words but can easily be read by most people. Don’t worry about your dyslectic posts as most of us read them clearly too! šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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