Pieces of your soul

Please try to follow me on this line of thinking. As I grow and grow in my wisdom of the years, I have read and looked into many different beliefs. Ranging from Buddhism to the state Zenism. I know your going to say what about Atheism, I have always felt we are far to great of a creation to end in a puff of dust.
So what if we are all wrong?  What if we have all missed the point of it? Okay there are over 300+ different beliefs in this world filled Religion. There is no way one of them can be right and the others are wrong. What if we are missing a huge part of the puzzle? What if all of them are right? Think about it, if you look at God being the supreme creator and all the others as his “Chosen” who at one point or another tried to come down and help us see that we are not just simple as something that crawled out of the slime.
Don’t get me wrong I believe in a balance in this universe meaning the Ying and Yang, the Light and Dark. One cannot be without the other. So I do believe in NDE (Near death Experiences) so I have seen the light. So where there is light there must be darkness.
What if the biggest clue we have is the very simple reason of love and kindness. We have all fanned the flames of hate for long enough and not one little bit has resulted in better living.

A question asked and replied to

Today, I got a funny email from a reader of my blog (thank you). The reader asked me “Why are you still single? What are you looking for?” Okay two very good questions. So I replied with the following…
“Thank you so much for the email. Let me start off with the following a very great person I know told me I am like a painting ” a work in progress” A year ago I was beyond miserable, it has taken me a long time to start to see who I am. In this one year that I have spent on me and my children. I have found new things about me that come with being honest with oneself. I have had the greatest time knowing my children without having the threat of abuse hanging over my head. I have looked at finding someone new, but being honest with myself has come at a price. That price is for someone to be with me they need to meet a high set of standards, ones I will not change for anything.
These standards are simple to here or read but hard to live by. They are Kindness with all things, Healthy in heart, body and mind, able to see beauty in all things, likes to try new foods, GENTLE, Does not see sex as a demand but as a beautiful act that builds the relationship, loves children, does not smoke, does not drink in excess, loves education, loves movies, does not flip the tv station when commercials are on, does not have the TV on during dinner time, is not hooked on the TV news, is not hung up on the little things I might do that are wrong, believes in forgiveness, loves my children as her own, loves that I am a complicated person, Loves music, loves art, most of all loves me even though I am Trans.
You see this is why I am still single. I am a very picky person, I have three little children who are still at home and four who have grown up and I am proud of all of them. Most of all I look out for the three little ones cause they are the air, water, fire, and earth of my life. Once upon a time there was a person who could be lifted up if the sun should fail to shine, she is no more. Now I have something even better I have my Sun, Moon and Stars my children. Many people cannot understand therefore they are not right for our family, after all it is not just me”

What do you do?

So here you are and you are now faced with a choice, cause I am. As you my readers know we faced this crime head on and our Daughter received no Justice. It was even so bad that when that child kept harassing our daughter.

So here I am looking at the overall big picture. I gave Micheal his fair go when it came to this issue. I trusted all the people on the Jury’s they had the evidence, i did not. Now that all the evidence is out for everyone to see what am I doing well it is very sad to say I am removing his music from my collection and here is why. When CeeLo Green was caught for rape and sexual harassment in my stand for women I removed his music from my collection. When Rolf Harris was convicted the Queen ditched his painting. Bill Cosby who once was the pin up for good fathers was shown to be a rapist, i refused to watch or listen to anything he did. When Cardinal George Pelt covered up sexual misdeeds we got mad

So where is the justice? If you don’t stand up and say No i will not support these crims. Cause to be honest you cannot be upset about the rapist whos parents were able to convince the courts that 20 minutes should not destroy his future. But the public has take to the internet not to let the public forget this perp / crim. So does what Michael Jackson did not the same as these other perps? Should we allow Michael’s talent to erase his crimes? Cause is that line of thinking not the same as Brock Turner defense of his actions that turned our stomachs.

So for me and my house we are removing Michael Jackson’s music from our collect. I Support all children who were harmed in anyway. Where do you stand when faced with the truth?

The Sun Fell Today

The sun fell today
The Darkness engulfed the earth
The Flowers did not grow
The rain did not stop
The sun fell today
The birds did not sing
The children did not play
The lovers did not walk hand in hand
The sun fell today
The air was stale
The cattle gave no milk
The seas did not rise and fall
The sun fell today
There was no one to replace it
The love I knew was no more

I wrote this a year ago………

I am coming close to a point in my life where reflection is all that I have left. Of a time, of places, of a person. I don’t think many would understand my feelings on this cause I have even a hard time with them. I think I am understanding my grandfather more and more. A long time ago my Grandmother made a mistake that Haunted her for the rest of her life. It haunted my Grandfather as well. Even on his deathbed he forgave her. They lived with different people cause they could never again be with each other. But it never stopped my grandfathers heart. Granted he could never love her the way he once did because of what was done. He forgave her none the less. What an amazing man he was. I used to be concerned how he would have handled me. But then I come to what I have always known that I was loved.

I am including a song that never made as much sense as it does these days. This was my Grandfathers song. There is more to it, that if you read between the lines you would learn so much.

Funny how songs link us to events and people.

Yet in time we all move forward. Even though our past at times is hurtful and filled with memories. I think my Grandfather found peace and happiness in life without my Grandmother and now I am learning that same path. Learning to be happy sharing some of my hidden talents. Sharing some of me at times with all of my readers. I hope as we come to a new year mark that more of my posts will be a bit more uplifting. I do wish each and everyone of you a good life and good choices.


Well here I go again

Yup back to the Laser once more. I think due to the little bit of shadows I will need 2 more treatments. After talking to the professional she agreed that two more were needed now just one more. I had forgotten that sting of the laser, lol. But at the end, I love the way my face feels. Wow nothing better than enjoying the feel of you face without whiskers. It is so nice not to have the scratches, sandpaper or whatever you want to us to describe the feel of your face.

Then to make these past few days all that much more enjoyable I am sick so posts have not been happening as much as I would like them. I know when I am sick, I start having issues with breathing. So much fun so you go to the doctors and boom now days they move on Breathing issues. Within minutes I was hooked up to all sorts of machines blood being taken oxygen levels checked. Damn they move on it, i love my doctors and I am very happy to take the drive to Westbury for good doctors. Of course I get the concern that the ex-to-be will say I am spying on her but I could give zero f’s about her.

I’m going back to bed……lol


What a Wonderful Night

Once a month I get to show my True Inner Nerd. A great group of friends and I get together and play D&D (Dungeon and Dragons) we have all been playing for 14 years on and off due to life and bad choices.

Last night while having out monthly game night something was said and I could not help myself and I slipped up with my normal twisted Trans humor  Which to be honest does catch a few people off guard. But I feel personally that if I can lighten life up and not take this transition so damn serious I might make it with the largest amount of new and close friends I have ever known.
Okay back to what I said. Once of my great friends said something about balls. Then without a second thought about what I was saying or who I was with. I said no thank you I’m trying to get rid of the ones I have now. BOOM mic drop and all of them looked at me with a I can’t believe you said that face. It was so funny I had to start laughing and that broke the ice. These great guys have been my mates for years. Even not blinking one eye when it came to my stepping out of my own shadows to show the real me.

Not one of us blinks and the night was filled with smiles and mystery. Who knows what will happen next month. “Don’t take life so seriously, no one gets out alive” Guys if I never say it often thank you, you really are an Amazing bunch of men. Thanks for everything, pronouns and my name.

Doing what is right, may not be easy

Wow here I have been thinking of what to write about today. So I will try share subject cause I have been struggling with the issues that doing the right thing may not be easy but it is worth every second you have after you have done it.

I told a friend today how I was feeling about this subject cause I have now walked in both shoes. I have had it hit me in the face and I was also able to pay it forward.

I was very heartbroken to see it happening before my eyes and there was nothing more I could do but be a good friend and help where I could. My wonderful friends did it for me once I was out. Though if I had accepted their help years ago right now might have been different.

I used to think that I was ready to go forward with my life and leave the shit behind. But the truth be told you don’t really understand what you went though until you see it from a distance in someone else’s eyes. Then you start to see the OMG part of it. That part you at one time never understood and might have even said Get over it….I have even said that to myself. But the one thing I have learned in this year ,it takes time.

I learned that why you are going though issues that you are still coming to terms with others knew of them for a long time before you were ready to accept them yourself. I found that having wonderful friends like the ones I have, are made for when times are hard.

We all go through them but we all need to be ready to Pay it Forward.

Please please please be kind…….

RIP Orlando