Isn’t is funny when you are in the throws of the stages of Grief. Now what I have learned that while going through these it does not always mean they happen in pattern of 1-5, it could be mixed up. have a small little read about them and I will explain a bit on what some of my posts have shown in the past.
1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning of terminal illness, loss of a relationship or death of a loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.
Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it. But take the time allow yourself to walk through the process. But also make sure that when you understand that you have been angry to say you sorry to those who might have crossed your path on the wrong day.
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
- If only we had sought help sooner…
- If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
- If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality. We all do this to some extant.
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words.
The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Loss may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.
Now the problem I have been running into with blogging this last year is that I have done it with my heart on my sleeve and talked about how I felt. There were number of reason why i did this. The main reason that I have done this is to show the treatment that Trans people receive from legal bodies even though they say they follow equality.
I also wanted to show the struggles of building a new life after disclosing that you are Trans. This includes Love, Social Networks, and Employment.
Today I have come across this little story that might help.
HERE ARE 5 SIGNS THAT “THE ONE” IS STILL OUT THERE:
1. SYNCHRONICITY APPEARS OFTEN.
There are times that meeting someone is just a step up to then meeting the next person. Don’t allow a sign to go unnoticed. Imagine this: You meet a man on a plane from Australia on the way home from a business trip. He goes back home while you stay in the United States. You keep in touch. You meet another woman from Australia. She introduces you to another person who is in the same type of business as you. Before you know it, you are guided to visit the Land Down Under. You get there and you meet the one. Had you not entertained all those signs to get to Australia you might had never met this person. Signs come in many forms. The One might just be down the road from you and until you follow the signs to meet you will continue to travel apart. Let your heart guide you.
2. YOU AREN’T PAIRING UP WITH ANYONE.
Some of us go through an array of disastrous dates before the one shows up and it’s usually not on a planned event. It could be as simple as the grocery store. You may have spent countless hours, and years, with online dating and one day the right woman shows up at the deli counter. You might have even given up and fallen into the second part of our belief system that a soul mate is a myth. But, it is exactly then that your “one” shows up to love you. Love has no expiration date. You might have to endure all those others just to get to this one person. This is the place most people feel exhausted and just settle for Mr./Mrs. Right Now rather than wait for Mr./Mrs. Right Forever.
3. EACH NEW RELATIONSHIP TEACHES AND HEALS YOU FROM THE PAST.
You can’t appreciate kindness and true love unless you’ve had some deep heartaches from past relationships. How can you know what you want until you pass those lessons? There is a reason you experience all those relationships. They catapult you into figuring out exactly what you want out of a loving union. You cannot cherish light until you have been in darkness. It’s duality.
4. YOU FEEL AS IF SOMETHING IS MISSING IN YOUR LIFE.
You might not be looking for the “one,” but there is a feeling of loss that is not clear. You have tried to fulfill your life with work, hobbies, travel, and other relationships. You might have been married and now divorced with children. You still feel this ache as if something has gone missing. That is “the one” searching for you. The moment you allow for this awareness the universe starts to align with your desires. Let go of old programmings and begin to envision your future partner.
5. YOU HAVE LEARNED TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST.
The moment you start to love yourself unconditionally, as you would another, the universe conspires to bring you the one who will love you the same way. You cannot possibly love another if you don’t know how to nurture and cherish yourself. Being alone is important. If you are going from one relationship to another without being alone, there is no way you would appreciate that one special someone to enter your life.
Social psychologist, Zick Rubin researched romantic love. He devised questionnaires to assess attitudes towards different types of love. He concluded that love is made up of three elements: attachment, caring and intimacy. Since the beginning of time, we have been searching for love and how to attract the one to us. The reality is that there is no simple formula. True love does consist of attachment, caring and intimacy, but it also contains a magic that joins two hearts. Personalities, passion, compassion, interests, culture and a million other elements create love. It’s a matter of allowing yourself to believe with the awareness that you have someone out there who is looking for someone exactly like you. Until then, do not settle. Allow yourself joy and experience all that comes your way.
After reading this lovely story from the site www.powerofpositivity.com . I started to look at the future in a bit of different light. I also started looking at the past as well. I am not sure what the future holds nor am I willing to accept the future of being single. I know there has to be someone who will accept me for me. I have to say that my list of the qualities that I am looking for is getting more precise as time goes on.