I love being ill…. Last week while feeling sorry for my health issues I was doing some lite reading. I came across this wonderful post called Cisgaze. I’ll place the a link to it..
Now to be honest I never really thought about this. I never even crossed my mind before Transition. But now looking back I did the same thing in fact I have even posted about people reverting back to the age of noticing they were trans when that Transition. You don’t really know your doing it until you look back and have the enlightening moment when you go “oops”. I’ll give you a few photos so you can know what we are seeing….
No to be honest most people just are trying to do a brain sort, i get that. But think of it if I were to look back at you with the same face how would you make me feel.
Sometimes when I look at being Trans from a distance I can see the problems we face on a daily basis. But while you are struggling with them you don’t notice them. You see we are after all trying hard to reach a physical goal that matches our mental state. This for a lot of Transwomen can never be reached as we are faced with three sets of different judgments. One of the judgments happens every time we encounter a Cismale. This looks above are what we see. Sometimes we even get a few vocal comments as well. The look can covey so many ideals from objectivity, confusion to disgust. The second being from Ciswomen, this one is a bit more strange. Easy to see harder to deal with as it sometimes can come as a self reflection. We have to make a choice if it is directed at us. It is that look that can say “I see you, but I don’t like you” or “I see you, your dressed wrong” or even “I see you, your trying to hard”. The third is what every woman deals with and that one is so hard to deal with. It is the one we wake up doing every single day looking in the mirror. We are our own worst judges. I’m to fat, I’m not doing my makeup right, I don’t feel right in these clothes, and the hardest one is the one where we looking in that mirror and question ourselves knowing that we always come back to the same answer “Do I have a choice?”. Have a read of this post as well.
Looking at it from different points of view it is a bit of society once more objectifying women. Now I can only speak for Transwomen. But as this objectifying is so heavy that even Ciswomen sometimes don’t know they are a victim or making someone else a victim. For example to this issue lets look at the issue of magazines how are 90% of women in them are not realistic of general population. So in return Ciswomen judge Transwomen with the judgments that we might be thinking are associated with the cisgaze but are in fact self reflection upon themselves.
I am not saying saying it is not real in fact once you see it you can’t forget. Nor can you forget the comment that can come with it sometimes “I don’t understand, but it is your choice” this sometimes can end with “I don’t like it”. What most Cis people don’t understand is that everyday a lot of us wish we did not have this issue as well. We did not get a choice, we are born into skin that does not feel right. A lot of the struggle we walk with is not seen as it is “Behind closed doors”.
So I will end with the way started this post….. What if I…….
Have a wonderful day……