Small things

I had this wonderful conversation with a friend last night and it started me thinking maybe if we start changing out thoughts on relationship away from the need for short term gratification. To a long term love affair what would be needed?

I have always hated the term “Public Displays of Affection” or “PDA’s”. The reason for my dislike of the term is so very simple, we need them we need to know that we are loved enough for it to be shown. This does not mean to the point someone is yelling out “get a room”. What I am meaning is the simple things holding hands as you walk together. The moment where you reach across the table to hold the other persons hand if only for a few seconds. The hug in the middle of the day in the middle of town. The soft brush of her cheek. Simple actions yet to both parties they whisper I love you to the soul.

I think we have come to a point in our society where we need instant gratification. Where if one person is not doing “everything” the way we want it and the time we want it in we throw a temper tantrum. Now I am not saying that being angry about the actions of another person that is hurting you is wrong. Far from it, if you are being hurt by god get the fuck out. What I am saying is that we should be taking the time and doing the small acts of love to build something different than instant love. To be honest instant love is not real, it never has been and it never will be. But you can turn infatuation in to love but it takes time.

I have always wanted what my grandfather had in his heart for my grandmother. Sadly they divorced, but on his death bed he called her. They talked and the connection of love had never left his heart. It was a different time and different actions that lead to their divorce but he loved her until the very end and even when they had both remarried. I have always wanted that love where two people die days weeks or a month of each other when they are old.

How is this done? How do the older ones do it? I have tried and tried even to the point of tears, unsuccessful. I have given my all to someone, but I have also learned that some people are not capable of returning that love. Next time if there is, I will do it all over again. I will hold her hair when she is sick. I will tuck her in when she is ill. I will reach across the table to hold her hand. I will kiss her and hold her. I will once again learn to love another person so much that they are my sun, moon and stars. I will cuddle at every drop of a hat. I will once again do the small things.

 

Why did I do it

Someone today asked me the 64 million dollar question why did I choose to write a book?  Well there are a number of reasons first I wanted to heal a part of my soul by letting go of all the pain that has been there for so long. then I wanted to give my children a bit of my past and teach them that true honesty no matter how hard it is to say is the way to clean one” soul. I also wanted them to know of my past before it gets to point that I forget not that I would or if I could but sometimes I would like to. I have by writing this book took back part of my creativity from a person who said I was nothing.

SO there are my simple reasons, no the more complex issue is that I have seen so many people just like me getting killed and abuse by people who just don’t understand. I have seen churches pick up the whip and the cane to say evil things as well. At some point the voices need to be raised and say No we are not going to take this any more.

The demons of self hatred and emotional abuse is deep and once they sink their hooks into you soul it takes a long hard battle to get them out of it.But top be honest it is a battle that is worth the fight. The reward being that you are free from the voices.

well I am back

I said I would return once i got the book done so here I am. so I started looking at the publishing side and I have come to the part where I am waiting on my readers feed back and if I am going to try to find a solution to the publish side of it.

Right now I am leaning towards finding an agent and looking at the Amazon online publishing as well. Though I am not sure if you can do both but I have seen that some people who have started with Amazon have been picked up after a run on Ebooks. I have also seen the benefit to self publishing. That is why I am looking at setting up Amazon as a backup plan and continuing to look for an agent. I have a lot of faith in my book except for the close of it so I am hoping the feedback will assist in the ending if it is not up to snuff I can fix it.

I never knew this much work went into a book it really is an eye opener. I think it is very healthy to know though gives me a lot more respect for the writers and the effort they put in. Maybe next I should make a music album, just joking…..

I did find Wattpad and I put up the first chapter on there to get some feedback as well… if you want you are welcome to have a read of the first chapter.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/86303948-the-shadow-of-ally

Moving right along

Well here it is I have taken the next step to being published. I have written the book. I have added a few photos. I have now placed it in the hands of readers. Now I deal with the panic of people knowing about me. I never thought I could do this I have in past believed when people told me I could not. In one year I have turned my life in a new and exciting direction. I stopped my abuser, and I have proven her wrong. I am worth it, I can do what I feared most in my life and that was to be open with everyone. There have been so many times where people have doubted me. Deep Breath Move Forward ~ Frank Jones

 

Now I wait for the feed back with a bit of fear due to what I have written might not be liked or enjoyed.

Book update!!!!

Okay the the is done!!!!

right now I’m looking for a few good readers to iron out before I send it to a publisher….Eek.

Never knew this was going to be so scary. These are part of my past that have been hidden for so long. It was not lying to hide it was self preservation.