Have you ever been gifted information that explains your history? That opens door to the past and creates ties that bind. That leaves you with a sense of understanding of who you really are and why you are. But yet it came with a restriction that you can never tell anyone about the truth of the information yet you know of its validity….

Be careful of the doors you open into the past some lead to mirrors. You may not like what is looking back at you….Some stories of the past are linked into our very blood. A demon that sits in the heart of a person long ago might still be tickling your feet today.

I spent hours talking to an Aunt today that I have never taken the time to do so in the past because I felt like I did not matter to them. Far from the case as I have found out. I mattered but something dark drove our family apart. It was and is so very dark that some parts of the story are repressed into the people who had to go through it.

I learned of things that I am now a keeper of stories that must remain hidden until a later time…. Another curse of a timeless mind. After being told these stories and information I wept. I am starting to understand him better every day…..My tear stained cheeks will lock the information and the truth until it is safe and maybe I will choose to let it die with me…

Oh I love researching


This is a bold faced lie! This trying to talk to family members about my dad while writing his story has been painful to say the least. Mind you they are in Texas and I am in Australia. I have been trying to get in touch with one of my Youngest Aunts on my dads direct bloodline. How hard can that be you might ask well most people don’t like getting calls from someone they don’t know much less when that call comes from a number that is not listed or is not available.

In four days I have called over 20 times just to talk to my Aunt. She does not check her messages and she tells us so on the message. She asks me to Text her….Yeah right not going to pay for international texting to say “Hey please pickup the phone it’s your brothers kid.” (Yes i know I did not say Niece or Nephew. That part of the family has no clue and I am not about to tell them all).

So then I call my dad and tell him hey here is your sister’s number would you mind calling her and telling her I am trying to call. Then since my dad is NOT tech savy I had to send my son in the US my email address so he could give it to my dad so my dad can have someone scan and send me the much needed Military information.



Ahh the weekend

Well as you have noticed I have been a very busy girl working so very hard at doing nothing. So that is what many would think……

The truth is so far from the appearance. You see I have been working hard on  Nurturing the reality of new friendships. I have also been learning that the I need to just let go a bit more of the facts that I am not going to save some things, people, friends and the like. Not all friendships are cast with a brush of kindness and understanding. Though I remain understanding that while some friendships are fleeting as the seasons each one comes with its own gifts and rewards of wisdom. While not all are rich and diverse it is those ones we learn the most from.

I watch as dreams which once seemed obtainable are no longer. Now I sit and see the despair of those I am not able to help. Yet I know how to help and that with the right guidance a success it can be had. Then in the end you can lead the horse to water but you cannot make it drink. Not that once the horse if it chooses to drink that it is in time for it to be saved.

This is part of my personality, my chaos, and another one of my curses. I am a White Knight personality. So you don’t know what that is hmm I would suggest to google it but since I am the one pointing it out, it would be unkind to tell you what to do. So I will provide you a link

Now don’t get me wrong each and everyone of use have a personality traits. Some of us can be Narcissistic, some of us have addictive personalities and this list can go on. But it comes to a point where when we notice the traits and our weaknesses, we grow. It is okay to be a White Knight personality once I started to see and understood what was going on in the things I did and still do to some effect. I even know where I was taught to be a White Knight, that honor goes to my father. Read my book and you will understand more about what I am talking about.

Though at the same time I am learning what to avoid in the bad parts of being a White Knight.

  • Often help others without them asking you.

    I stopped doing this years ago. I offer my help and if they don’t want it I walk away. Though at times I still feel bad when I know I could have done something.

  • Don’t take the time to find out how you can help others, but instead help them in the way you believe they need helping.

    I don’t do this it causes far too much stress and at the same time the writer of the and the writer forgot they just told you not to do things without asking….

  • Hope your rescuing actions will get others to admire you.

    I am glad I am not this type of a person, at least I don’t think I am. Plus I really am not a type of a person who wants to be known as a rescuer. I have talents and if people need help and I can, I love to help.

  • Struggle to focus on or complete your own work because you are too drained from running errands for others.

    I did this for a long time, I was not important. I wanted to place all others needs above my own. I do know that it was part of hiding the pain that I was dealing with all the time.

  • Don’t ask others for feedback when helping them.

    I am not really sure if I did or do this, I hope not….. That would be like after everything you do to help someone, you want fame in some form “Look I fixed your car and you did not even ask me to do that” make me want to puke.

  • Hate it when people reject your assistance and feel ecstatic when they accept it.

    Oh I don’t hate it, I understand people have needs to make a goal and complete it on their own. But I do see how I feel horrible when they fail and I could have helped. I guess it is like having a child, yes you don’t want that child to fall off the bike so you leave the training wheels on a bit to long. But when they do fall they learn that some risks have great rewards.

  • Feel totally powerless and worthless when you cannot help someone.

    I have gotten over the issue of feeling worthless and powerless. If I can’t help I might know someone who can…

  • Cannot tolerate conflict and jump in to try and make matters right for others.

    Oh I do this and shits me to tears why I do it. Most of the time I stop myself. But once in awhile I slip up and oops.

  • Help others primarily because it feels like the best way for you to gain positive attention.

    nah not me, I just don’t care….Gad that sounds bad, I hate the drama of people in tiffs with others. Oh she said this and he said that. I have been known to say “I don’t care”. But I have learned to now say “Look your issues with that person are your own and I need it to stay that way, but I still care about you”. Man this saves hurt feelings instead of saying “I don’t care”

It is a bit funny how once you start to see the personality trait you have and know what is the good and bad side of it. Though I would have to say, I have yet to see a good side to Narcissistic Personalities.

So what is my point, Self Reflection is key to unlocking and understanding one’s own self. Now I am not going to tell you how to do this because we would be right back at the problem of being a White Knight and the stress it causes in my life.

well I hope you have a good day!


I have teeth and I bite

I have always said I will answer any question that I am asked because I am not afraid of the truth. I try my best to avoid the replying back to asshole and stupid question due to time issues and to not give light to bigots. But sometimes somethings need to be said and a defense needs to be heard. So please be warned my reply is not nice on this question but it needed to be done. ***Warning*** I am not nice on the reply……

Q: Well ain’t you the biggest snowflake willing to share your mental illness with the world. Have you thought about killing you if not do us a favor and do it?

A: Well thank you it was such a nice question? First things first I normally don’t take the time to reply to uneducated buffoons. However I have worked hard to achieve what I have and I will continue to strive for more. You are more than welcome to continue to read the blog.

But I think I need to address something you wrote. “Snowflake” wow, you backwards labeled “daehkcuF” if you have any sense in your god given brain you might know and understand I by no means am a “Snowflake”. I am a Transwoman and I know who I am. I know what I have had to survive to get to this point and your infantile comment for me to take my own life. Is Not going to work, you pathetic excuse for a oxigen stealing homosapien. It is time for you to grow up and get a personality. Stop using uneducated terms such as “Snowflake”. If you had balls to call me that in public on the wrong day, I like most women would chew you up one side and down the other. I would leave you a squalid mess on the ground like a baby wanting to suck on its momma’s titty while still in its shitty diaper.
Do me a favor and don’t send me anymore of you hate filled emails. I really don’t have time for you, I have a real life to get back to. But you are more than welcome to continue to read the blog and become educated.

Kind Regards,


FAQ update

As I have always said I will answer any question. I feel the more people are armed with education and facts the more we no longer need to stay in the darkness of ignorance.

The FAQ has been updated with all the questions that I have had to date with exceptions as to personal advice questions. If I get those I promise to answer you directly then I will choose to ask if I can post your question without your name.


Project Billy Update

Well as things go I tend to take on projects way bigger than I thought they were going to be in the first place. The next book I am working on called Project Billy is being written online for the most part just like what I did for The Shadow of Ally. My writing style is a bit uniques and might not all make sense as I go along but in the end with help from my wonderful editor they take an amazing shape and I am lucky to have been about to write it.

Well Project Billy has been updated with a bunch of new photos and information. I was so very lucky to really have a talk with my Aunt Barbara in Texas this is the only the second time I have ever talked to her. I am hoping that i will get the honour to do it a few more times. Though in doing so I think it opened my eyes to just how deep the rabbit hole Project Billy is. I am also learning so much about my father, it is such a rich blessing.


I don’t really like pointing out anything about Political based issues. But being that our family has Cherokee blood in it. I feel it is not only moral responsibility it is part of our family to support other Tribes in their battles. If you have two minutes please read the following and send a quick email to the address supplied in it. Say “Stop Ignoring the Treaties” in the body of the email. You don’t have to be a member of any tribe to understand what these first nations people are fighting for.

Thank you,





This notice advises the public that the Department of the Army (Army), as lead agency, is gathering information necessary to prepare an environmental impact statement (EIS) in connection with Dakota Access, LLC’s request to grant an easement to cross Lake Oahe, which is on the Missouri River and owned by the US Army Corps of Engineers (Corps). This notice opens the public scoping phase and invites interested parties to identify potential issues, concerns, and reasonable alternatives that should be considered in an EIS.


To ensure consideration during the development of an EIS, written comments on the scope of an EIS should be sent no later than February 20, 2017. The date of all public scoping meetings will be announced at least 15 days in advance through a notice to be published in the local North Dakota newspaper (The Bismarck Tribune) and online at


You may mail or hand deliver written comments to Mr. Gib Owen, Office of the Assistant Secretary of the Army for Civil Works, 108 Army Pentagon, Washington, DC 20310-0108. Advance arrangements will need to be made to hand deliver comments. Please include your name, return address, and “NOI Comments, Dakota Access Pipeline Crossing” on the first page of your written comments. Comments may also be submitted via email to Mr. Gib Owen, at If emailing comments, please use “NOI Comments, Dakota Access Pipeline Crossing” as the subject of your email.

The location of all public scoping meetings will be announced at least 15 days in advance through a notice to be published in the local North Dakota newspaper (The Bismarck Tribune) and online at

For Further Information Contact

Mr. Gib Owen, Water Resources Policy and Legislation, Office of the Assistant Secretary of the Army for Civil Works, Washington, DC 20310-0108; telephone: (703) 695-6791; email:

Supplementary Information

The proposed crossing of Lake Oahe by Dakota Access, LLC is approximately 0.5 miles upstream of the northern boundary of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe’s reservation. The Tribe protests the crossing primarily because it relies on Lake Oahe for water for a variety of purposes, the Tribe’s reservation boundaries encompass portions of Lake Oahe downstream from the proposed crossing, and the Tribe retains water, treaty fishing, and hunting rights in the Lake.

The proposed crossing of Corps property requires the granting of a right-of-way (easement) under the Mineral Leasing Act (MLA), 30 U.S.C. 185. To date, the Army has not made a final decision on whether to grant the easement pursuant to the MLA. The Army intends to prepare an EIS to consider any potential impacts to the human environment that the grant of an easement may cause.

Specifically, input is desired on the following three scoping concerns:

(1) Alternative locations for the pipeline crossing the Missouri River;

(2) Potential risks and impacts of an oil spill, and potential impacts to Lake Oahe, the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe’s water intakes, and the Tribe’s water, treaty fishing, and hunting rights; and

(3) Information on the extent and location of the Tribe’s treaty rights in Lake Oahe.

On July 25, 2016, the Corps granted permission to applicant Dakota Access, LLC, under Section 14 of the Rivers and Harbors Act of 1899, 33 U.S.C. 408 (408 permission), for a proposed pipeline crossing of Lake Oahe. Lake Oahe is on the Missouri River and owned by the Corps. The approximate 1,172-mile pipeline connects the Bakken and Three Forks oil production areas in North Dakota to an existing crude oil market near Patoka, Illinois. The pipeline is 30 inches in diameter and is projected to transport approximately 570,000 barrels per day.

The 408 permission was accompanied by a Finding of No Significant Impact based on an Environmental Assessment (EA), as contemplated under the National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA). The EA included a brief description and characterization of factors used in evaluating a potential alternative crossing location that was considered and eliminated during the analysis phase. The alternative route, which was eliminated, would cross the Missouri River approximately 10 miles north of Bismarck, ND.

On December 4, 2016, the Army determined that a decision on whether to authorize the pipeline to cross Lake Oahe at the proposed location merits additional analysis, more rigorous exploration and evaluation of reasonable siting alternatives, and greater public and tribal participation and comments as contemplated in the Council on Environmental Quality’s (CEQ’s) NEPA implementing regulations, 40 CFR 1502.14 and 1503.1. Currently, the Corps is developing a plan to implement the Army’s December 4, 2016 direction. This notice of public scoping should be integrated into the Corps’ plan of action.

Consistent with CEQ’s NEPA implementing regulations, an EIS will analyze, at a minimum:

(1) Alternative locations for the pipeline crossing the Missouri River;

(2) Potential risks and impacts of an oil spill, and potential impacts to Lake Oahe, the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe’s water intakes, and the Tribe’s water, treaty fishing, and hunting rights; and

(3) Information on the extent and location of the Tribe’s treaty rights in Lake Oahe.

The range of issues, alternatives, and potential impacts may be expanded based on comments received in response to this notice and at public scoping meetings.

Public Comment Availability: Before including your address, telephone number, email address, or other personal identifying information in your comment, you should be aware that your entire comment—including your personal identifying information—may be made publicly available at any time. While you can ask in your comment that your personal identifying information be withheld from public review, the Army cannot guarantee that this will occur.

Authority: This notice is published in accordance with sections 1503.1 and 1506.6 of the CEQ’s Regulations (40 CFR parts 1500-1508) implementing the procedural requirements of NEPA, as amended (42 U.S.C. 4321 et seq.), and the Army and Corps’ NEPA implementation policies (32 CFR part 651 and 33 CFR part 230), and exercises the authority delegated to the Assistant Secretary of the Army (Civil Works) by General Orders No. 2017-1, January 5, 2017.

Brenda S. Bowen,
Army Federal Register Liaison Officer.
[FR Doc. 2017-00937 Filed 1-17-17; 8:45 am]

a few updates

Shopping page
I have added a couple of new updates in the Shopping links. I will also repeat that if you find a link that is dead let me know.

Project Billy
I have done a little bit of work on it as well.

LGBT Books
Is now set up with as a gig for $5 usd. Not to bad of a deal to have a book listed on my site.

Transition Timeline
Well month 17 have come a few changes are starting to become noticeable.

Month 17 transition timeline updated

Emotional  Development

Well this month has been very stable with the exception of noticing that I have a cycle where the hormones are concerned. I have been keeping track of the feelings and what I have been doing in a personal diary.

Physical Development

Well Ive been having a few issues with itching on my lower legs. The solution was to get some allergy medicine (over counter). This did solve the issues. I’m not sure why I’m having the problem. It is not a known side effect.

Breast growth is still going on because I’m dealing with puffy nipples and aerola. They are a bit sore to touch at times. I had this event happen as well as I was driving I went to turn a corner my breast got in the way. It sounds funny but until you have it happen it does not make to much sense. 

Fat around the cheeks (face) have been getting a bit more day to them. I keep telling them as it is a bit unusual.

Man Hips are starting to take a bit more in the fat redistribution. This means I’m losing the man shelf and feminine curves are starting to show. It has made a few of my favourite clothes unbearable to wear.

Butt still has not been getting a lot of fat redistribution yet.

I started on cutting back on fat intake and going back to a healthy. So some changes are going to stay to take place in the physical features.

Skin issues


Olfactory senses

No changes

New developments

I’ve be noticing something new that has changed due to the hormones is that I’m now focusing on items a bit more. This is easy to see when I’m writing or studying. I wonder if this could have helped me learning issue when I was growing up…..