Frustration!

Warning this is a bit of a rant because I have had it up to the point of writing about it. When I sat down and wrote my first book I had dreams that it was going to sell and sell well. But I started seeing a trend that has become a bit of a concern that was raised by a friend in the Music Business and that was people love what you are doing but don’t want to pay money for it. I thought to myself Jo (singer – The Sign) can’t be right 100%. When my first batch of books came to my house I was so excited. This was my life, my struggles, my efforts and failures, all in a book. So many people were excited about if being published. That first 50 books was a real struggle to get, I pinched and saved to afford them. I could have found outside sources to help fund that part of my writing. But I did it all on my own. Then when the books came I asked and asked who wanted to buy the first 50 books that I would number and sign them because this was the only time I was going to sign and number books as I had plans to write more.

But as people said “Me… me….me” I had a list of 50 people I was over the moon that I did something I thought and was told I could never do. I started looking at the list and went out and sold about 30 without much effort, five of them are holding for people who could not afford them right away and they told me right up front. But the last 50 became a real fucking struggle to bet the people to pick up.

Here is the problem the Rub you might say. I am a single parent of 3 kids. I Don’t get child support so my income is very small and I am a writer and a student at the same time. I don’t go out drinking or partying. I don’t buy fancy things and I skimp and save to get something simple for me once in a blue moon. I would work at the same time if I could find a job that fits my already super busy schedule. I don’t waste my time on TV or shit. But when it came to my book it was a struggle. I wanted to lift my family out of a tight budget. Those last 20 books could have made so much more for us. But here I am struggling with 20 books that I signed and numbered for others because I trusted they really did want them. But I have learned now never to do this again because what some people say and do are two different things. So this week I gave up on two people and pulled out the page I had written on and sold them to a person who really did want the book.

But them what Jo said came right back in my mind people wanting shit but don’t want to pay for it. Okay I get it to a point, $15 bloody dollars for a movie that is shit and you can always trust what is said on the reviews kills you when it dawns on you you just wasted money. Then what is up with in the US a CD is $5-$10 dollars when in Australia they are sometimes over $30. I get it pisses people off when you can’t afford to support the artist because of the cost. But here I am, I’m not rich and I am not asking a mountain for a book even after a person asked for it. So why in the fuck am I chasing you…..It ends today I am not going to chase you I am go8ing to sell these books and when it dawn on you that I had a book for you and then you want it i am going to say I’m sorry I needed to buy shoes for my kid and to put food on the table. No, I am not sorry you had a chance but you kept saying you had no money. But then you posted on Facebook your wild night out drinking or that wonderful party you had at your house. My kids, bills and food comes first not our friendship.

Sorry for my minor little rant but I am sick of people bitching that people are sucking off the welfare system and not getting a job to help themselves out of the hole they are in. While I am scratching for every little thing I can do to get out of the hole and someone can’t keep their word. This is why I teach my children say what you mean and mean what you say. Have a nice day……..

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