As many of my readers might know I have been going back to school. For me this is becoming a wonderful choice for a number of reasons. I love to watch people and how they interact with myself in or around their circles. SO new to all my wonderful class mates I am learning from watching you. This is not a bad thing nor will I ever make it out to be. In fact some of the lessons I am being taught have really opened up my eyes to Male/female interaction. Now I am not talking about Male Privilege what I am looking at is from my point of view how men talk when women are around them.
For example today I was questioning a quest speaker when experienced something that I have seen men do to women quite often. I am not going to talk about Mansplaining, what it is or seems to be is a disconnection of polite conversational skills. This is not an issue of being rude but more of a point of quite possibly hierarchy and the outdated ideals that what a man might say carries more importance.
It was very unusual experience but when I looked at another woman in the room it felt like there was a form of unspoken conversation that took place between the two of us. So much so it felt like she was saying welcome to womanhood with just a look. I think that men don’t know when they are projecting this form of communication. Much like most men might not understand the nuisances of nonverbal female communication. It does not make it right or wrong but possibly a form of normalization through years of male patriarchy. Now all and all I could be 100% wrong, but I can never recall seeing a woman doing this act.
Learning new things from close interacting thanks to my class mates is the openness that some of them have to say such kind “Female Gendered” compliments. Such as “Ally, you look nice today”. In the beauty of the kindness it took me back a bit as not being used to such a compliment from someone I hardly know. There have been other events that have raised an eyebrow or two, mind you all of them very positive.
The school is also in a learning stage when it comes to dealing and talking with Transgender community. In fact it has been done with so much respect that I feel like I am cared for as a person not just a student. I look forward to each week and the new lessons that I am being taught.
Well better stop wasting them. I am sorry I haven’t been posting much the new books are keeping me very very busy! Cooking to Connect is about 1/2 done and soon it will be taken off my site before getting ready to publish. So if you want to enjoy it right now for free and for a short time you better do it fast.
Much love Ally
As I have not been scared to talk about mental health in the past and how it has changed my life and the lives of my children. Something happened and I felt it important to touch on an event that took place this past month. The name is made up but what happened is real.
We will call this wonderful person Ashley because you can’t tell if the person is a Boy or a girl. Now I’ve been friends with Ashley for a long time. Ashley is and will always be an addict. Now before you start thinking drugs the are a lot of things to be addicted to. But in this case drugs is spot on.
One of the most horrific issues thanks to drugs is the mental deteration of a person’s overall mental health. The more the person uses and the types of drugs they use will have adverse effects. I love Ashley to bits, I have picked Ashley up when no one’s else would or could. Ashley has a way of popping in and out of people’s lives.
Ashley comes as soft as flowers of spring in the morning air and leaves like a shop in a storm on the Cape of good Hope. Over time the storms have started to increase and become less predictable. It is not the same type of storm one normally sees due to standard mental health issues.
I awoke to the smell of flowers one day Ashley had returned. At the time I welcomed Ashley back into our lives with open arms and heart. Over time more social side effects from the drugs that Ashley took in excess became more and more noticeable. The ripples of the storm were staying to form. I began to see the loss of the friend I was so glad to have back rear is head like the dragon that Apple Ashley from is in thistle horrible thing we call addiction. When the waves began most of us were ready to row to shore. But sadly as we watched Ashley could not make it and drifted off to sea.
Ashley is still alive but like some storms Ashley left a bit of damage in its wake. The part of Ashley that knew the lives that would be affected is now gone. Due to the side effects of drugs and what they have robbed Ashley of this normal part of most of us. The that says hey jackass don’t act like that others will be hurt.
So now the friends are left to clean up after the big storm. Which each of us are doing in our own way. We knew the storm was coming this time we were ready for the damage. The storm still hurt but not like it had on the past. Ashley is not able to see the damages that part is also gone. Sometimes as destruction gives new life we will be ready for the flowers to Blossom. Ashley will come back and those that love will be ready with open arms. We once again will be shocked of the losses due to the drugs. But love will be in our hearts good thoughts will be in our minds.
Coping with mental health issues sometimes will never get better but you can become purposeful in your readiness to avoid most of the pain that survivors deal with on a regular basis. Some drugs Rob so much that the addict will never fully recover. But love and hope we can bone together and create hope in a place that when they flower they can return.
Now saying this there are times when cutting the cord had to be done. That is a story for another time. Love and understanding of the mourning process helps. Best wishes Ally