Transition update Month 20

Month 20……..

Emotional  Development

Well not a lot of crap has been going on to judge what is going on in my emotional development. In fact things are very stable over all and I am very pleased. A few commercials have played a bit of havoc. Then I went to a Mental Health First Aid class and that was very hard at times. Mainly due to some of the subject material.

Physical Development

I am still having itchy issues without taking hay fever meds. I am over all very pleased with my breast development. Still have a bit of hair on my body that is driving my razor to levels of hate.

Skin Issues

Surprised at the level of dry skin I have now. Where before the hormones it was a bit oily. Even my hair used to be very oily now it is normal.

Hair Growth

My hair has been getting longer and longer. It is very nice to enjoy a full head of hair. Though I am learning to deal with the days when long hair is a bit of a curse. Then there are the times when you over heat due to the hair that covers your neck.

Olfactory senses

no change

New developments

Oh my I had to change the style of bra’s I am using I have gone to a sports bra as I am in that middle area of needing to up size but the sport bra has a few new issues. Like when my nipples might rub on the fabric. Oh my that is not a friendly feeling all the time. Then there are the times when you need to change the sensation and you can’t do it due to being in public. So you find a public restroom and solve the problem.

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I once knew this person…

I once knew this person who by all accounts was the most beautiful person I had ever met. I watched her from a distance as she grew up to make choices that changed her.  These changes were small to start with but little bit by little bit the beauty of the person I once knew was gone.

Be careful of who you choose to be with as friends, lovers or what ever. If you have to change things about who you are to keep a person or to attract a person. Then you might not know who you are. No amount of schooling can teach you the simple rule of to thine own self be true.

Yeah I did want to grab this person give them a big wake up call, but in the end it is their choice how they live their life. Of this much I am sure time is fleeting. When you die you can only take with you the weight of your soul. If it is as empty as a broken cup what will you have to be measured?

I have spent these last two years working on knowing myself without the other person in my life. I have had to mourn the passing of this person from my life just as if that person would have died. I needed a bit of grounding this past week and I called in on a close friend to whom I can trust. We talked a bit about being who I am and in time someone might just see me for the real me and be okay with that. Being honest yeah I would love to be in a relationship. Though at the same time I am enjoying the rest and relaxation of bonding with my children without distraction.

SO am I ready for someone in my life……maybe. But are they ready to meet the ghost of my past…..possibly. But this I know and I like so many others need to be reminded at times good things come to those who wait.

Watch out I have an Agenda

Whoops……

Maybe i should re think my title, yeah right no. When I stepped out of the shadows there was a lot of lies around external sources telling me I should just do it. But what it did was to give me the clearest vision I have ever had. I watched a number of people turn into horrific individuals that I have ever known. Now I know I say that I have never had to experience people being rude to my face, in public…… Family can be the biggest problems, you can chose you friends, but you don’t get a choice with family. Even the ones you were told they would never be like that until they are.

I started to think to myself how can I help affect change. I am in my 40’s and Trans. I started looking at who was close to me and how they did not care and took me for being me, I started to review what I could do. I started being vocal about being Trans. I stopped hiding who I was and what I had gone through. I was a subject on the Humans of Launceston, then a friend told me about The Human Library Project here in Launceston. That was a big step out of my comfort zone. It became a step forward in creating a path where I could effect change.

This past week this speaking project began to payoff. On Friday I spoke to small groups of youth 15-18 at there college / high school. When two lives came forward and asked me about being Trans. Because they had reasons for trying to understand. Then I was asked by three young men who did not understand and wanted to know more. We had a wonderful chat talking about being Trans and what it was like growing up. I was moved so very much by one person asking to understand. I was really shocked that I walked away being more and more educated on the future of Australia. They are asking why and trying to understand.

So back to my agenda, I don’t have one though I do hope that people will read my book, read my website / blog. I laugh every time I hear people say the LGBT+ community. I think it is a bit of a cop out. No not phobia, more like they don’t want to experience change. They listen to leaders who are creating fear and mistrust telling them what to think instead of thinking for themselves.

I started thinking what can I do for the future and right now that goal is on track. Last night I finished my test on being an accredited mental health first aider.  When about two years ago my Brother was mine. It is amazing fucked when people push another person towards Suicidal thoughts or even drag them down into depression. Lucky my brother saw what was going on long before it even got to that point. He stood up and said enough is enough time to get out and take charge of your life.

Yeah I still see all the hate from some of my family member past and present. But you know what they have enough baggage of their own that they need to work through and I am not going to be like them. In fact I am going to lift where I stand. I am going to be that voice that says “we can”.

 

Been Busy

Well to say things are busy is the understatement of year for me. I have chosen to go back to school in the hopes to be working in the community service sector dealing with LGBT issues. Being that I am part of the community it might be a wise choice. So I want to belay your concerns that the site might close down with my book being launched, it did not. Then because of school the site might be shut down, nope I am keeping it up. One more year has just been paid for. Thanks to the sales of the book!

So where is the site going well right now it is going to a stable platform for my transition and the timeline. I am going to be trying to add information as I find it. I will try to add other information as I can.

I would like to add a bit of plump to this post. There has been something I have been seeing around in the community and that is running before you walk. Stepping out of the shadows is a big deal. It takes a lot of courage and there are a lot of risks that we are not ready for. In the attempt to be our true-selves we sometimes forget to take small steps. We overbook our lives in a rush to be what we have always felt like. So as I look at what I did and even I know I did the same running as it is normal. SO I hope that if you read this you might slow down a small bit. Enjoy every pain, smile, fear, tear and every other emotion that we were never told about. Life is a wonderful experience that does not come with warning labels. But this is a friend trying to tell you to be careful.
~Ally