A bit of advice

I know it has been a long time since I have written, sorry. Life has its funny way of making somethings more import than others.

But with saying that I need to address something that happened this weekend. There is something that if you are reading my blog you need to know and that is.

It is not your right to out another person, ever!

About three years ago my family (parents, sisters, daughter in the US and I) were tore apart by my choice to tell my sisters (who I trusted) about me stepping out of the shadows. Sometimes trusting others is the worst thing you can do. I asked that not to tell anyone that I will do it in my own time and when I felt it was time to do so. But my sisters broke that trust and outed me to a lot of people without my permission.

My advice is so very simple you don’t know the pain that is caused by “Outing” a person. If you have been given the love and trust from a person in the LGBT+ community, shut up. Don’t tell another living soul it is not your right or duty.

I did not tell anyone about the abuse we were going through. I was far to embarrassed in what had taken place. I had never felt such shame in my life about the abuse. For years afterward I blamed myself for the actions of the others. When I also told my sisters they defended my ex. There is no excuse for abuse in any form. There is no excuse for a family to continue to befriend the abuser while turning their backs on the abused.

This past week I received an email from one of my sisters and I was taken back by the courage it took to send that email. All it was, was a simple “Happy Birthday”. But all I could see was the pain they both caused by their actions. I had to make a choice. So I replied and thanked her and forgave her. But that forgiveness was only for my own soul and the peace that forgiveness grants. But, in the reply also asked never to be contacted because I cannot handle anymore pain from her. It broke my heart all over again but I needed to cut away the poison. I will never be able to forget what was done and it will always linger in my heart as a pain that is beyond words. But by cutting away the poison you really are saving yourself from more pain. Some trust that is broken can never be fully repaired.

I have an old FB account in my old name for Legal issues that are in it. the other sister contacted that account to wish me happy birthday. Mind you she has my email in my correct name. But she refuses to address me in that fashion as well. But I made a choice to cut that poison out as well. I was already in pain for having to do it to the other one so it did not hurt any more to do it to this one as well.

I spent many hours in tears over the loss of three of my family (Mother and two sisters). It really did break my heart but as the days have moved on that pain has turned into something else altogether. You see what would have been hurt if my sisters would have kept their mouths shut? You see my mother never really liked me so I don’t think that would have effected her deathbed antics. But right now they might have been given the chance to know my children. Now they never will…..

This was not my best birthday I have ever had but saying that it was filled with a family of friends, smiles and love from my three children. Nothing what so ever felt better than the hugs of my children today. After a weird weekend stacked with highs and lows.

So I hope you can find my advice in there somewhere. It might even be just a touch of wisdom. Please never “out” anyone…..

Transition Timeline Update

Month 25

Well not many changes have taken place this month. Though since being on the the pill my hair on my back has almost all but fallen out. I still have a few here and there that are white but they will go as well. I also started going to the pool 5 days a week working on getting my weight down to a more manageable area. in case you did not know that you should not be over weight for the surgery. SO I am working real hard swimming 1k or more a day. I am trying to get up to 1.6 which for Americans will be one mile a day. I am Tracking it on Fitbit as well. (if you can find me you can add me)

Though this month has been a bit more emotional than some of the past ones. You see I have shared care with my ex and the time with the children we do a 50/50 split and it is a week about basis. When the hand over day comes and they leave I am shattered, I end up in bed tears flowing like mad. Though after a really good cry I am alright and the rest of the week goes fine but that cry has happened 3 times now. But I am sure this is very normal and nothing to be concerned about.

I did run into a weird problem that I went and talked to my healthcare professional about. I was woken up in the middle of the night with an erection that was very painful (btw erections are normal in humans). So I had to wait until it went away and it scared me a bit. This is due to the fact that on hormone blockers I normally don’t get them. On a scale of 1-10 it was about an 8. Which made it even more of a concern. When talking to my medical professional we looked at my levels and they were fine in fact they were really good. We also looked at the issue of that it is a muscle and had not been used for some time and thus the pain. What should you take away from this simple go and be a regular at your doctors office during your transition.

I dropped into my social worker this month as well. I call it checking my six and I just empty the stuff that might be on my back and a bit hard to carry. It helps to do this.

Well like I said not much this month in changes…..But keep your eyes open, I am going to lose this weight..

Want change? Act !

Well I was tell everyone a while back that I was ready to start to lose weight. Sometimes I wish my Nephew Frank was around I bet her would have me into shape in no time. But since he isn’t a good friend stepped in and changed the desire to changer to an action. I have been going to the Pool/Gym for 5 days now and I am starting to feel better. Today is my fifth day and compared to my first I swam 250m compared to about 50m.

What does this mean overall well lets take a hard look at it. I am going to lose weight and a side benefit I am going to start to feel better about myself at the same time. In case you did not know a lot of fat is not wise when going to Gender surgery. Then I have 3 amazing little kids who need me more everyday and I need to be here for them. Healthy is the way to go. Then the next thing is no more fat clothes. Lets be honest those suck unless you have a bucket load of cash.

My next goal is 300m my end goal is 1000m in one hour. I will reach that and hold there until I feel the need to push harder. I am swimming in a 25m pool and I am not a very fast swimmer right now but with the lose of weight comes a speed and muscle memory. I warned my friend once I get hooked into something I go for it and I go hard. So we both are going to reach our goals.

I am so thankful for her help that first day. You see as a Transwoman I was scared of being judged. But once again Tasmania is showing me the beauty it has. Yeah I get a few people who Cisgaze (I wrote about this a long time ago) but you know the more I am out the better younger Transwomen will have it. So instead of sitting have home wishing my friend help me Act. Give it a go.