I know it has been a long time since I have written, sorry. Life has its funny way of making somethings more import than others.
But with saying that I need to address something that happened this weekend. There is something that if you are reading my blog you need to know and that is.
It is not your right to out another person, ever!
About three years ago my family (parents, sisters, daughter in the US and I) were tore apart by my choice to tell my sisters (who I trusted) about me stepping out of the shadows. Sometimes trusting others is the worst thing you can do. I asked that not to tell anyone that I will do it in my own time and when I felt it was time to do so. But my sisters broke that trust and outed me to a lot of people without my permission.
My advice is so very simple you don’t know the pain that is caused by “Outing” a person. If you have been given the love and trust from a person in the LGBT+ community, shut up. Don’t tell another living soul it is not your right or duty.
I did not tell anyone about the abuse we were going through. I was far to embarrassed in what had taken place. I had never felt such shame in my life about the abuse. For years afterward I blamed myself for the actions of the others. When I also told my sisters they defended my ex. There is no excuse for abuse in any form. There is no excuse for a family to continue to befriend the abuser while turning their backs on the abused.
This past week I received an email from one of my sisters and I was taken back by the courage it took to send that email. All it was, was a simple “Happy Birthday”. But all I could see was the pain they both caused by their actions. I had to make a choice. So I replied and thanked her and forgave her. But that forgiveness was only for my own soul and the peace that forgiveness grants. But, in the reply also asked never to be contacted because I cannot handle anymore pain from her. It broke my heart all over again but I needed to cut away the poison. I will never be able to forget what was done and it will always linger in my heart as a pain that is beyond words. But by cutting away the poison you really are saving yourself from more pain. Some trust that is broken can never be fully repaired.
I have an old FB account in my old name for Legal issues that are in it. the other sister contacted that account to wish me happy birthday. Mind you she has my email in my correct name. But she refuses to address me in that fashion as well. But I made a choice to cut that poison out as well. I was already in pain for having to do it to the other one so it did not hurt any more to do it to this one as well.
I spent many hours in tears over the loss of three of my family (Mother and two sisters). It really did break my heart but as the days have moved on that pain has turned into something else altogether. You see what would have been hurt if my sisters would have kept their mouths shut? You see my mother never really liked me so I don’t think that would have effected her deathbed antics. But right now they might have been given the chance to know my children. Now they never will…..
This was not my best birthday I have ever had but saying that it was filled with a family of friends, smiles and love from my three children. Nothing what so ever felt better than the hugs of my children today. After a weird weekend stacked with highs and lows.
So I hope you can find my advice in there somewhere. It might even be just a touch of wisdom. Please never “out” anyone…..