Time for an update

Well, I was sitting here working on about three book at the same time this past week. When it dawned on me that I might want to tell people how things are going. So i’ll do a book by book breakdown….lol


Oh I love this book currently it is going through a semi small edit to check for errors as well as flow. I am starting to add in the photos and a few things to make the right reader think a bot more on a unique level. You will have to see when the book is out but there is a hidden message in the pages. One that unless you really pay close attention to you might miss. I am very excited about that. Current word count just reached 50,000. It is going up and down faster than a roller coaster.

The Choice:

Well this being my first real dive in to full fiction it is a bit strange with all the angels I am trying to create. I did not think it would get as deep as it would. I am hoping that I am on the mark with it. Current word count just hit 12,000. Some days I just don’t know what to write in it and others like today I am 2,000 words so far.

Cooking to Connect:

Right now this book is on the slow burner as I have lost a bit of spark in it due to a few other projects. But I am very sure that it will start to pickup once one of the others is done.

Things the doctors never told me:

Working title, but saying that I still love the idea. I am working out the context in my mind before I start to put it to effort. I like where it is going and the idea behind it all. Needless to say this is a book about transition. With my crazy sense of humor it might be a good read.

Well those are the ones I feel okay to talk about. I am so surprised that I am working on so many others as well. But not really ready to talk about them all. I heard a quote this past week that changed my ideas on some of the books I have been working on and I think i will share it with you. The worst book on paper is better than the best book in your mind. In a weird way it helped out with the idea that maybe people won’t like my Fiction, but you never know there might be someone out there who loves it. So I am not going to give up, there is more books in me than you could ever imagine.

Well I need to get back top writing. Thank you for taking the time.

Missing links

Well in the redesign of the page I have removed a few links to pages. But I have placed them in links page as to not remove the whole page. The new design is going to mainly focus on my life as a writer who happens to be Transgender. But not as the Transgender Writer. The reason I did this was to make a very valid point that seems to be lost on so many people. First I am a Human who has a set of skills but with the added bonus I am also Transgender. I have been finding it very hard to find work because of the elephant in the room. It seems that when people look at me they see a Transperson not a skillful person first. So in changing the mind set I have also started to change my website / blog to reflect this. I want you my readers to see that while I am trying to place information I find. I also want you to see where I might not be finding work, I am working and not giving up. Following a bit of advice “If you can’t find it, Make it”.


Everyone stumbles

I am a firm believer in a lot of Buddha’s teachings. But not a follower of his religion. A long time ago I came across a passage. I was really consumed in anger over a person’s actions. While I was reading a website this quote from Buddha caught my attention “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” I walked away thinking to myself how true that statement was. So I went on a search and that thought process became expanded with the following:

The Reviler

Once while the Blessed One stayed near Rajagaha in the Veluvana Monastery at the Squirrels’ Feeding Place, there lived at Rajagha a Brahman of the Bharadvaja clan who was later called “the Reviler.” When he learned that one of his clan had gone forth from home life and had become a monk under the recluse Gotama, he was angry and displeased. And in that mood he went to see the Blessed One, and having arrived he reviled and abused him in rude and harsh speech.

Thus being spoken to, the Blessed One said: “How is it, Brahman: do you sometimes receive visits from friends, relatives or other guests?”

“Yes, Master Gotama, I sometimes have visitors.”

“When they come, do you offer to them various kinds of foods and a place for resting?”

“Yes, I sometimes do so.”

“But if, Brahman, your visitors do not accept what you offer, to whom does it then belong?”

“Well, Master Gotama, if they do not accept it, these things remain with us.”

“It is just so in this case, Brahman: you revile us who do not revile in return, you scold us who do not scold in return, you abuse us who do not abuse in return. So we do not accept it from you and hence it remains with you, it belongs to you, Brahman…”

I walked away with a different view after reading this. It was from that point in my life I started trying to return gifts of hate with love. Though last night after a wonderful day with our children. I thought it would be nice to let my Ex-partner know that the children would be singing in their school carols. My intentions soon became twisted when the person chose not to support our children once again. I let the anger fill my cup to the point it flowed out. I told the person how about next year the children come live with me full time so she could go live with her new partner who lives 3 hours away. I offered her every other weekend and half of the holidays. I would carry the responsibility of the children’s school and extra circular activities. That simple offer was met with vile anger and her response was met with my own. I allowed myself to spill forth the reasons for why she needed to do it. I told her of all the problems the children were having while in her care. At this point I just should have said no thank you for your anger and walked away from sending that message.

But in doing what I thought was right for my children she replied in hate and anger over the fact of the truth being presented to her. She chose to take target at many things but not least to the issue of myself being Trans. She also said “I always place my children first”. I then caught sight in my reflection and it startled me. It was a face from a long time ago, one who thought anger was okay to be met with anger. I relaxed and tried once more for the children and said “So we shall see you tonight for the carols” and I left it at that. I knew that she would not show, but I wanted her to show up for the kids sake. I had noticed that her lack of caring in regards to the children were starting to frustrate me. These messages were the perfect example. I was shocked that I was dealing with a Disneyland parent and I allowed it to anger me. I did not see the clear blessings as the anger clouded my eyes. I could not see that it was such a blessing to enjoy a picnic with our children without her interruption. But once I began to step away from her it allowed me to focus my energies to the children and what a wonderful blessing it was. We sat and listened to the music and all the smiles of so many parents enjoying their children’s wonderful singing. We ate and enjoyed our food without competition. This is the reason this part of the season is so magical.

I now come full circle to what Buddha said (pardon I am paraphrasing) The gift of love is love, the gift of returned hate is that it is not yours. I think to myself in hindsight I could have had such a wonderful day if I would have never bothered in trying to move the Mule. But even looking at it I notice it is okay to stumble from time to time it allows us to see the clearer path that we should be taking. Who knows what will happen in the future, but one thing is for sure that I will no longer waste any time or energy trying to get the other parent to focus on our children. in closing I will leave you with one last thought and a small little lesson to reflect upon.

“One’s mind finds no peace, neither enjoys pleasure or delight, nor goes to sleep, nor feels secure while the dart of hatred is stuck in the heart”


Time Changes All Things

Time changes all things and thus if we are unable or unwilling to change with them we are left to the sands of history. Such is the case with this blog. The concept of my blog has evolved over time in attempts to grab a market who might be interested in what life is like to be a Transwoman. Over the last three years I have met some amazing people and experienced some wonderful events. I have played my part on many different stages of life and these three years have been no exception.

Before I get into the up and coming changes I would like to address something that I have noticed in the Transcommunity and it brings with it a great deal of concern. That being that as the Transcommunity becomes more and more visual we are being met with a set of unrealistic expectations. Those being but not limited to the issue of Pass-ability, Employment, Sexual Objective-cation, and Sexual Attraction.
The issues that surround  Pass-ability are nothing new. But the trend that is now starting to form is that if a Transwoman does not fully conform to the looks of Janet Mock, Lavern Cox and many others who are blessed to be able to look as stunning as they are. Then we are less valued this is extremely disturbing to say the least. We are worried about the unrealistic expectations place on young women and girls. But we seem to accept that these very same issues are being placed upon Transwomen. All I am asking is for the reader to take care of themselves and don’t shoot for the moon all the time. The fact is you might not make it and where you land might be a very difficult position to maintain.
Employment, I started my journey thinking that everything was going to just fall into place. I being educated would be able to find employment with ease. This has not been the case at all. In the last 200 jobs that I have applied for I have been interviewed about 10 times. All of those ending with a thank you but no thank you. To which I can only say it is the Elephant in the room was me and being Transgender. These were realistic jobs that I was more than qualified for and that Gender was not an issue. Though I must say the one job that stated “we really were looking for someone a bit more Masculine” took me back a bit… Though at the same time I felt great about how I looked, lol. So what can I say to bring all of us to reality. Simple this is life, you are going to have to get used to the fact that while the world is changing for the better there are still some people who cannot see past their own noses. So what can be done, build your own employment opportunity, if you can’t find it make it.
Sexual Objective-cation & Attraction, wow I thinking now I should have placed this right behind Pass-ability. The three walk hand in hand as we try to pass as what ever gender we feel closer to we are expected to be attracted to the opposite.  When in fact this is not very accurate. We find out that those who are attracted to men have to have the overall pass-ability with a factor of 10. When in truth just like every other woman we vary on a scale of 1-10. We need to keep in mind that just because we might not make the 10, it does not mean we are not a 10 to someone else. Then there are those who are attracted to the same gender. This too can be a bit of a struggle as well. Due to the fact that being a lesbian but Trans at the same time is also an acquired taste. Requiring a person to look past the bits and bobs that are part of our body. The truth is that you might end up being single for the rest of your life. Get used to it, I am very sorry to point that fact out. But just like me I hope you are able to find someone special.

Now onto the future of this Blog.

For many months I have giving you a timeline with the ups and downs of my Transition. After so many months I have hit a developmental plateau. Where I am no longer seeing big changes to my body and that without surgery things are going to stay this way. When am I looking at surgery, in the future. We will leave it at that, it is kind of personal….So after thinking long and hard about my future as I am not finding employment. I need to become the change I want to see. I want the ability to have a life beyond what I see in the mirror every morning. So what I am going to do is really focus my efforts in writing. The blog is going to change it has to. But I am still going to keep all that I have done with it to this point. Why? well simple I am Trans there is nothing I want to change about that. But I want people to see what I have gone through, what I am going through and what I am going to do in the future about it.

So lets break it down. I am a Transwoman who is an Author. The blog will reflect this. I will give you updates on how things are going. I will also let you know when new books come out and when you can find me at speaking events. Or even how to have me come and speak at an event you might be having. I have gone through a lot and I have a good bit of wisdom getting to this point. I am going to remain part of the Launceston Human Library as I have really enjoyed my role in this wonderful organisation.

So now lets look at what the future holds…..

In 2016 I released my first published book, The Shadow of Ally. In this time I have grown to love writing. I have felt the sting of writers block, the crush of losing a valued source and the overwhelming joy of publishing. I had hoped that this year would also be a year in which I could release my second published work called “Leaves”. Due to events beyond what I was prepared for this has since been pushed back to 2018. I have also been lucky enough to get a wonderful jump into several other books as well. One called Cooking to connect, with this book I am hoping to bring to you the joys that my family has had over the years of cooking simple meals for wonderful company and family. These recipes bring together what we should never take for granted and that is Family and Friends. My next book that is underway is my first attempt into a fully fictional writing and it will be called “The Choice”. I am keeping this one very quite. Last but not least by any means is a book called “What they did not tell me about……” this book is still in concept phase. But those who know me know my crazy sense of humor. This book will be a tongue and cheek look at……I am not going to give you the full title yet.

Well closing this post all out the new year will see a change in posting as well. I will be scheduling in regular posts. Once again 2017 has been rough year. I would like to thank all my readers and friends that I have so come to know and love. I would love to give everyone a little Christmas gift. I have dropped the Price on the Kindle version of The Shadow of Ally to $2.99. This is for a limited time to say thank you to everyone. In the coming days this blog will change. But change can be a good thing!

Take care of yourselves and be kind to others. After all it is by our deeds we shall be known and you will reap what you sow.