I just finished a wonderful day of doing something else I never thought I would do. I spent a few hours enjoying talking to Doctors about what it is like being Trans. This was done to help them be more in touch with understanding the issues that surround the Transcommunity. I was so impressed by these young and upcoming doctors. They asked questions that most would be to scared to ask. Oh if I could do it more often I would be so happy.
I am still part of the Human Library of Launceston who this year just hit there 10 year mark. If I could stress something in my little blog is for you to take the time and join the Human Library in your town. If you don’t have one, start one. The only way out of Ignorance is through Education.
I have met a ton of hate this past few months. What is so sad is that most of these people who like to express their hate waste their breath on me. I brush it off like dust on my shoulders. I had a Doctor who did not like that I was Trans and my children are with me. Do something very shocking and reprehensible. My youngest Daughter who has been dealing with demons after being sexually assaulted a number of years ago. She was suicidal and I started to get her assistance. But this doctor even with evidence in the form of a written letter from a Therapist called Child Services. Who then called me accusing me of not taking care of my child. I had to defend myself and show proof I was doing everything I could for my child.
Talk about being treated like I was a bad parent without evidence. The MAN on the phone kept telling me that this was a serious issue and that I needed to take it seriously. It was all I could do from having a come to Jesus meeting with this man. I had to remain calm and present the evidence and contact details of her Therapist. Oh it can be so hard sometimes. I so wanted to grab the man and tell him what it is like when your child tells you they feel like ending it all. Not to mention that my Ex and I are in a shared care agreement. Both of us should be doing all we can for our child. But to this man that shit did not matter it was my fault even though I had already done what needed to be done.
There is so much unseen trauma that surrounds the Sexual Assault of a child. Not only in the child but in the parents. While I might not care for my Ex and her actions these days. I know the pain we both suffered in seeing our child hurt to this extreme. Her battles have taken a toll on us in many ways as we struggle to be there for our child. I see some many of the adults who were once children who suffered at the hands of demented priests (pedophiles). Who have scars so very deep that it has ruined some of their lives. Some have even ended their lives due to the actions. Now these monsters are only slapped on the wrist but that is only my anger showing.
It hurt so much to have this man treated me like shit. All because a doctor did not like me. I really had to look at what took place before the call and who we involved in our lives. This doctor was the only new person who knew very little about our family. I saw her a few days ago while seeing my personal doctor and that doctor could/would not even look me in my face. What makes me so upset is that there is no way to prove it was her. Because child services don’t give out that information to protect the reporter. In someways that is good but as in this case that doctor needed to be retrained.
What many don’t understand is that I tried several times as a child to end it. My parents were all to blind to see something was really wrong. In fact they did not even notice that just a little love and listening without judging could have helped. It took years to address my problems without help from my parents.
My soul ripped apart when I heard my own daughters words. I knew that I had to do what my parents never did. I listened, listened and listened again to everything she needed to say. I got her help where I could not help. I have picked up my child held her comforted her while tears of pain rolled down both our faces. I have watched her sleep, hid knives, power cords were shortened, cleaning products were hidden, medicines were hidden and even slept with my eyes wide open. I would do it all over again if need be. What has this event done for my daughter and I, it brought us closer together. I told her about my past and the feelings that we shared. I told her together we can overcome the pain. We talk ever night about how things are going for her. I listen and listen again. I let her tell me about the monsters in her life. Then I tell her the tips to beating the monsters.
Where are we at now, there is always a bright light at the end of every tunnel. We just need to make sure it is not the train. But for my Daughter it is the sun light of being loved and cared for.
I have also dealt with the anger from my Ex for things that make no sense. I really felt sorry for my attorney/friend. He had the full anger of my frustrations dealing with her.
I don’t know why she wastes so much energy of hating me. She knew what happened to my mother and how she poisoned her body with so much hate. I would hate to see her end up like my mother years down the road never really knowing what happiness is. I have learned to document everything. All the rants and nutty things that go on. I make sure I even keep my receipts from shopping. Just in case she tries to say I am not feeding them. She is always trying to find problems where there are none. She even goes so far as telling my daughter tell your counselor about that (that being almost anything that she wants to make into a mountain). That’s great make our daughter look like she has got more problems than what she does. She keeps trying to convince the children to live only with her. Well anyone with two eyes cans see that is never going to work as long and she keeps acting like this. At about 10 kids start seeing the truth in adults. They tell me everything even when I don’t want to know. Like how her boy has said he uses their mum’s boobs as pillows. What a piece of (BEEP) telling a kid that, it is kinda creepy…
Then finding a new school for my son who is going into High school. Wow what a event this has been. Working my ass off doing that. I am so proud of him. He has been working so hard on getting his grades up. He has also played a big part in choosing the school that was best for him. I trusted him as we went through the process of the choice. He interviewed all the schools writing down the Pro’s and Cons to each only asked questions that would help him choose. In the end I think he made the right choice for his future. Gosh it feels like he was just a baby a few years ago. Now I have a young man in my home.
It seems like that every job I go for and that I am more than qualified for. When they meet me, I must have a huge “personality” that scares them into not wanting me on their team. I am sure you can read in between the lines on that one. Because it is against the law to discriminate based on Gender and Sexuality.
But they would never do that, would they….
So yeah, my writing has taken a bit of a back seat. I would say I am sorry but I am not sorry. So much going on that has put a big cork in the creative side of my writing. Trust me the ideas are flowing but not onto paper.