To all my readers

Here are are coming to the close of 2018. I am not 100% sure that I will be able to make another post this year as I am beyond busy. So I am going to take this few minutes to tell you in this holiday season. Be kind, Be forgiving, Be honest, Be loving, Be good to others, Pray for those who have less than you, Be active in working to help those who are not as blessed as you and in the end do these to yourself as well.

So I wish you all the best and thank you for your readership. Thank you to all those who keep buying my book and hanging out for the next one. I really did not think it would take this long to finish them. Have a wonderful holiday season ……..

Love ~Ally

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Why are you Transgender? Yup I have been asked….

What a strange and personal question to ask me. But hey I would rather you send me an email asking me like you did than pester some young kid. So lets get this going, by the way it is going to be a long answer.

Birth Defect?

Well it could be a possibility, but to be 100% there is not evidence to suggest that being Transgender is a Birth Defect. Though I have seen some people in the Trans community saying that the “problem” of having the wrong “parts” is a Birth Defect. But this does not really hold much sway in the professional circles. Plus the use of the word Defect means that it is Defective. I have children and I know that they are mine. So my equipment did work. Plus we see news reports of Transmen having babies.

Mother used Drugs or was given Drugs.

Well while my mum was not the greatest in the world. I do know that my mum had a normal gestational period without any issues that might cause concerns. Plus we have seen time and time again that babies born addicted. having links to social based issues and health based issues, not Gender based issues. Though I could be wrong….

Gender Dysphoria is a western world problem.

Well this is not 100% true, but true to some part. In the South Pacific island there are some that have a 3rd gender. There are also Tribes in the First nations of the America’s who also do not hold to the 2 gender stereotypes. Then we need to review the issues of the Norse who also had a non-standard “Gender” group. Time and time again history has been twisted by Christianity and the over zealous nature of those who in charge of it at different time periods. So without really digging into the histories to much it might be safer to say that without knowing where the white washing took place is to not point vague fingers.

Took drugs.

Well, you should really have a think about that one. In simple Baby boomers should been a less anal, lol. While I have smoked a few joints in the past I doubt that would have done it to me. Why because I knew the feelings of something was odd, before I found drugs. I was six years old when things started to not add up.

Mental Health Issue

Well in a way yes it is much like Dyslexia is. Both are issues of the brain where something is not lining up. Both have treatment plans to reduce the issues linked to the disorder. As for me I am doing HRT (hormone replacement therapy) which have calmed a lot of my issues but not all of them. We also need to see that it is a physical based issue and not a mental health one. Unless the environment that a Transperson is part of is creating one.

The three following links are resources that you can read up on that will help you start to understand the Brain structures and being Transgender. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/05/180524112351.htm https://www.medicaldaily.com/transgender-peoples-brain-structures-are-different-cisgender-folks-study-423107
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4987404/

I believe if my memory servers me correctly that the last study was a blind study done on several cadavers. That included Trans and Cis individuals.

Next we need to address the confusion of Body Dysmorphia & Gender Dysphoria and the dichotomy that exists. I am including a couple of links that will help you better under the differences.

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/8-things-you-should-know-about-body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/expert-q-and-a

Also we as a society as a whole need to stop picking and choosing the science which we believe in. BTW science does not care if you believe in it. A fact is a fact, the earth is round, gravity works, vaccines save lives, and the science behind Gender is solid. The only reasons people argue otherwise is personal dislike or religious.

Conclusion

I hope this answers a few ideas on why I am Transgender. Don’t worry even I am still trying to understand everything about being Transgender. I have spent several hours and looking at countless resources. Just to understand the question of Why am I Transgender. Hope this answers your question.

Answers

Sometimes it is sad when you are forced to drop a anvil to make a point. But the answers sometimes are what you expect and it reaffirms what you thought all along. So what do you do now? Sometimes nothing, sometimes there is nothing you can do. It is hard when it is a friend, lover, or family. But those feelings are the truth of your concerns or emotions. When you cross that bridge it can be okay to look back as you strike the match that burns it down. Leave the footings if that person tries to make a new bridge. There is nothing wrong in the good foundations only the choices that were made later. No one says that you have to allow that bridge to reach your side of the chasm that once was a crack. Sometimes we have to accept that some gaps cannot be crossed. 

Learn to say goodbye and learn to mourn the loss. But do not learn to be consumed by that loss no matter who they were. You are you and only you can chose to make something better of who you are. So learn to be kind to you while being critical of your flaws. It will not be to painful to fix those flaws. But in the end you will be your own masterpiece. Be the you that little child once wanted to be, be your own captain. In the end just be the masterpiece you that only you can be. 

Have a hammer and chisel of a day.
~Ally 

Something I read today

Divorce is not a Tragedy. A Tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage,
teaching your children the wrong things about love [sic]. -Jennifer Weiner

I looked at that and thought holy cow. It is so close to being right it is scary. The things I keep coming back to is a few facts. Most of them don’t have anything to do with the other person. But I won’t pull any punches. In the end there was no love at all it was more or less gone. What it was, was co-dependency for both of us. We were not teaching great values to our children.  We were not teaching them how to love another person. What was being taught hatred and animosity. The teachers were the parents. Which in the end both of us should hang our heads. 

But since we left so many things have become clear. Some of that being is the real facts of the difference in parenting styles. While both of us are not perfect by any means there is a stark difference in the styles. I am a more hands on and encouraging styled parent. I really have to be on my death bed to not be at my children’s school. Even when it is the other parents week. I make sure that the kids know that I love them and I am there for them. When it comes to the other parent, i don’t care anymore. It is not that I hate the other person as that is something I could never do. We had some great years, there was a lot of fun mixed in with a touch of deep sadness. Losing a child can really mess a family up. That added in with a bunch of other things. We left, packed up late at night and made the choice to leave. There were tears and sadness as we drove away. But that is something all will feel when a choice is made like divorce.

The loss of the marriage is sad and we both played our part. But since that night when we left life has changed for us. Remember the only thing constant is change, so expect it and you won’t be surprised by it. I look at all three of my youngest children and how happy they are when they are at my home. I even have rules that when they are at my home it is us, the other parent does not need to be talked about. I do this for a number of reasons. I am happy now, I am teaching my children the real meaning of love, caring, charity, friendship and the importance of a good education. Being honest that would have never happened in the other house if we would have stayed. Bring the other parent into our home here could open old wounds. No one needs that. Even when they get calls by the other parent I don’t listen. I don’t want it or need that person in my life.

No one is ever saying that you have to be friends with your ex. But if you have that thought “Would I be better off without you?” or “I wish you would die” asking that question is the answer you are looking for. Maybe it is time to review what is going on in your relationship. I remember driving down the road chasing the Ambulance as my ex partner was bleeding out in it. I thought dear god please don’t let her die. About a year later I was driving home from town and I thought to myself “I wish you would have died”. I pulled the car over and cried. I was shocked at that thought running through my mind. I had never thought like that before. I was ashamed of myself. But I did not know how to fix what had become for truly broken nor did I know if I wanted it to be fixed. So I started just trying to survive. But like that quote says there was the Tragedy. I gave up…. it was not for a few years later that we made the choice to leave. 

So, I guess what I am saying is if you are at that point, change can be scary. But so is that monster that creates your thoughts of “I wish you would die”. Life gets better, SO much better when that burden is off your shoulders. Yeah there will be lonely times and that sucks. But don’t go running after a new partner for just a Root. Find out who you are as each relationship will change you. If you can’t be honest with yourself afterwards you might repeat what you were just in. 

Well there are some deep thoughts for the day, lol.