Divorce is not a Tragedy. A Tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage,
teaching your children the wrong things about love [sic]. -Jennifer Weiner
I looked at that and thought holy cow. It is so close to being right it is scary. The things I keep coming back to is a few facts. Most of them don’t have anything to do with the other person. But I won’t pull any punches. In the end there was no love at all it was more or less gone. What it was, was co-dependency for both of us. We were not teaching great values to our children. We were not teaching them how to love another person. What was being taught hatred and animosity. The teachers were the parents. Which in the end both of us should hang our heads.
But since we left so many things have become clear. Some of that being is the real facts of the difference in parenting styles. While both of us are not perfect by any means there is a stark difference in the styles. I am a more hands on and encouraging styled parent. I really have to be on my death bed to not be at my children’s school. Even when it is the other parents week. I make sure that the kids know that I love them and I am there for them. When it comes to the other parent, i don’t care anymore. It is not that I hate the other person as that is something I could never do. We had some great years, there was a lot of fun mixed in with a touch of deep sadness. Losing a child can really mess a family up. That added in with a bunch of other things. We left, packed up late at night and made the choice to leave. There were tears and sadness as we drove away. But that is something all will feel when a choice is made like divorce.
The loss of the marriage is sad and we both played our part. But since that night when we left life has changed for us. Remember the only thing constant is change, so expect it and you won’t be surprised by it. I look at all three of my youngest children and how happy they are when they are at my home. I even have rules that when they are at my home it is us, the other parent does not need to be talked about. I do this for a number of reasons. I am happy now, I am teaching my children the real meaning of love, caring, charity, friendship and the importance of a good education. Being honest that would have never happened in the other house if we would have stayed. Bring the other parent into our home here could open old wounds. No one needs that. Even when they get calls by the other parent I don’t listen. I don’t want it or need that person in my life.
No one is ever saying that you have to be friends with your ex. But if you have that thought “Would I be better off without you?” or “I wish you would die” asking that question is the answer you are looking for. Maybe it is time to review what is going on in your relationship. I remember driving down the road chasing the Ambulance as my ex partner was bleeding out in it. I thought dear god please don’t let her die. About a year later I was driving home from town and I thought to myself “I wish you would have died”. I pulled the car over and cried. I was shocked at that thought running through my mind. I had never thought like that before. I was ashamed of myself. But I did not know how to fix what had become for truly broken nor did I know if I wanted it to be fixed. So I started just trying to survive. But like that quote says there was the Tragedy. I gave up…. it was not for a few years later that we made the choice to leave.
So, I guess what I am saying is if you are at that point, change can be scary. But so is that monster that creates your thoughts of “I wish you would die”. Life gets better, SO much better when that burden is off your shoulders. Yeah there will be lonely times and that sucks. But don’t go running after a new partner for just a Root. Find out who you are as each relationship will change you. If you can’t be honest with yourself afterwards you might repeat what you were just in.
Well there are some deep thoughts for the day, lol.