I don’t know who you are. I am not Black I am not wearing a Hijab I am not wearing a Kippot I am not homeless But I see you, I support you, I care for you, and you can sit next to me. I will share it with you. I will help you carry the burden of those who hate you.
Good news to a point. With the exciting release of The Choice as well as the first retailer being Amazon. Here is where you can purchase it from them in the US (LINK). Though with that information there is a huge sad note. This is only a temporary way to purchase the book. As of June 2020 they are not shipping my book outside of the US. The reason I have been given is due to COVID-19. But you can order it the hard copy if you live in the US. If you are outside of the US you will have to be content to ordering the Kindle version on that “LINK” supplied. I would like to say I am sorry for the chaos created in this.
I have GREAT news for those outside of the US. I am current in talks with Ingram Spark to take over the printing and distribution of The Choice as they have world wide presses including some in Australia! So please understand that there will be two versions of the book but the content will remain the same in both books though I will not be providing signed copies on the US format of the book. We are however looking at two weeks out from starting production of the book in Australia. Sorry for that delay to those outside of the US. The cost will not change on the book. But I will be having a book signing but I have not set that part up yet.
Even Better News!!!
The Choice – Proxima Centuari, is underway and I will be working hard to complete this book in the series as soon as I can.
The Greatest of News!
Soon with the COVID-19 outbreaks being under control for over 14 days. I am looking forward to the day when the Human Library Project can resume. There are talks underway right now. What does this mean to you? Well that means I will be taking part once again with this amazing bunch of people working to inspire others. So if you buy a book and see me at one of the Events please feel free to ask me to sign it.
Last and best wishes to everyone keep yourself safe and healthy.
Think about those words. The power that lies in that statement. How making a start in the face of adversity echos through time. I remember certain times in my life where I faced others hate towards me. Hate that seemed so large that it felt like an anchor that was dragging me down into the darkness that was their hate. I have said the statement to myself a number of times when I made a stand against those who have tried to extinguished the flame inside of me. It has not always been an easy path that I have walked. Sometimes I felt that I was not right for this world. There were even times I wanted it to end.
It was about 17 years ago that something started to blossom in my life and in the way I accepted who I was. It was 5 years ago that life took a change for the better. It was 4 years ago that I was also able to take the first leap into the unknown. I had been told so many times that “You can’t do it.” sadly I listened. Then one day I stopped, I stood up and worked hard at it and I accomplished what someone once told me I could never do. I wrote the Shadow of Ally. I thought at the time it was my Biography. I thought it was a book about my life. But what it really was, was a moment in time where I grew into who I was becoming as a person.
It has taken me a number of years to write my second book. This time I stand and I still say “You never won!” but this time it is for a completely different reason. This time I say it to myself as I have become my own challenger my in my own race. This week I am waiting on confirmation that my publisher will accept my manuscript called The Choice.
As I have said no story is ever new. But how we tell a story can be. I learned a lot about writing my first piece of fiction. I learn a lot about me as a writer. The self-reflection left me knowing I will be writing more as the thrill of creating something that will outlive me. That will be my mark in history (if you know me then you know why history is important). But most of all I am able to stand up and say to the biggest hater of them all “You never won” self-doubt.
It is my biggest pleasure to announce that my book The Choice is finished and will soon be able to be purchased at major retailers within a week. Never hide your talents, be the person that can say to the hate ‘You Never Won!”. Here is a sneak peak at the cover design as a way to say thank you to all the believers, please enjoy.
What many might not fully know that all my life I have fought depression. Fought not suffered from. Not all of it was linked to being Transgender. So let’s start with you knowing that.
I know that many of my friends are having a hard time. I read their posts on Facebook and I see their tweets. You might think that I am having a very hard time right now without being able to see friends and go out for a coffee with them. But surprisingly I am not here is why am not and I hope it can help all of you who are having a hard time.
In time, this too will pass. I, you, no we will sit down with our loved ones and enjoy the coffee and drinks. We will hug and express our love for each other. We will look into other eyes and a sense of overwhelming happiness for all of them will be there. Then we will look at the empty seats where other loved ones should be as well. We will bond in a sense of loss and love for the missing. We will talk about them like they are right beside us.
We the human race has done this before. Time has mended and lessons have been learned. If you did not know the events that are the hardest are the greatest of all teachers. So like our teachers of old, those who returned from Wars, Great Adventures, near misses to death. Let us look forward to the time where we can once again share in the happiness of each other and let us leave a drink for the ones lost.
I know sometimes it looks like I have my shit together. But in all honesty, I am just like so many others. I have many a bad day with questions on how to live in a new world. One that I seem very ill equipped for. Being out of an abusive relationship for four years now and each day is a step forward to reclaiming a new me as an old me is gone, is a bit hard at times. I know it might seem like I am a bit aloof but there is just so much to take in on this new world. I do it in small doses to process it all. Someday if I write part two of my life I think that will be the one that might just be the most emotional.
That will be the one where I try to explain just what it is like looking out and trying not to be like the 12 year old kid I once was. The kid who did not know what the future holds. The 12 year old kid who got lost in others eyes but had no clue what to do past that point. So it was safer to retreat to my room, but now my house and a computer screen where I can write away. I really at times think this is a new way to watch the world pass by as I don’t know what to do in it or where my place is.
I am really okay with that. But that is the part I don’t like…
I sometimes wish I could once again know how to talk to people I am attracted to. But I find myself asking close friends “What do I do” still feeling like a 12 year old kid. I have tried in the past but that is where I become like a new born deer stumbling while trying to learn to walk. I guess one could call it a duplicity of being me. No one would really expect me in a personal setting to be very “Shy” I must look like I am a Doe eyed deer. One who looks like they are trying to decide if this person I can see wants to eat me or just let me be beautiful.
In a way this innocence is wonderful and new. I am part of a community that I know very little about. One who’s honesty is refreshing and enjoyable. They really hide nothing when you get to know them. But I am one who looks at them and is confused to the core about being attracted to someone. Where does the new safe lie? Or is that a dream of the closed door? Would, could or should someone understand the crazy world that is my life. Could they handle me?
I don’t want to end up in another abusive relationship it really does scare the piss out of me. Hell, waking up at three in the morning because there are two or more events that seem to have found a time to reside in my memory and like to beat down my walls when I sleep (they can all piss right off). To just wake me up with nightmares causing me to have to self comfort must be the biggest turn off for others. So yes, I am flawed but I am an adult and it took a long and winding road to get here. There were potholes and speed bumps that left this car a bit pitted on its paint job.
It really is confusing what to do when I look at someone and think I am attract to you… But then I once again close the door because it is safer here. Will there ever be a time where I can be strong again and take a risk? I really don’t know, these feelings are very magical for a 12 year old kid. But when you are (50) not so. I would love to ask a person I find attractive out.
Yup it is school Holidays and I am enjoying time with my kiddos. So making Podcasts hit the back burner until Friday when I can record a few shows. But please take the time and enjoy some of the older ones. But here is something to watch and learn from.
Over the holidays as with every year my children and I open our home to others. We do it for anyone who might be doing it hard or not have a place to call home or just some one who could use a good feed. Why do I do this? Because I really do care about my fellow man.
I also made a post on this blog about crisis lines and asking others to be kind. Why did I do this? I have once sat at Christmas time alone feeling the lack of love in my life and it was a very empty time. I know the dark feelings of being in that place. I wish it on no one. So my post was done with love, kindness and compassion.
I did not expect to recieve a reply to my appeal for a better holiday season. With a person sending this to me.
” Yet for all your advice about kindness, you happily appropriate womanhood, with absolutely no consideration of how women might be affected, of how women might feel about this, of how women might be disadvantaged. Your lack of kindness, your entitlement, your selfishness, your fetish, are all male. “
Now I have faced attacks from people in the US before and this really did not shock me. What did shock me that this person chose to do it when I was trying to give numbers for people to reach out if they were in a dark place. It was also a post about being kind to one another. I feel very sad for the person who read this and thought, I should launch an attack on her. But the timing was also very poor and to think what a post to reply to on at the same time.
Now I did ask on my FB for people not to attack her with rude comments. We are better than that. I am also asking on here if you read this as well. If you don’t have anything kind to say, walk away. It is very simple and hurts no one.
To the writer of the comment, Putting your name our for everyone to see might not have been your best choice. So my advice is to remove your post as being that unkind to others will do you no good. In fact, people lose their jobs for acts of hate and I would hate to see that happen to you. If you want to learn ask questions on any of my platforms and I will reply. But I will only provide you with scientific facts and links. I will not engage with you in an argument over Dr. Google crap. You might be able to find 1 or 2 pages saying things to support your ideals. I have mountains of evidence and a lot of it is really cool to read and learn from.
In the end it is your choice learn or continue to live in ignorance. I wish you only peace, love, and kindness in the coming year that you deserve, equal to the love and compassion that you show towards others.