Good news

Well I am right on schedule to releasing book 2. But this time it is not as simple as telling a story. This time it is about creating an epic adventure that everyone can join in. I am going to be releasing a Role Playing game. A week ago I tested my Game with some wonderful people. We are currently in Pre-Publish version of the Game at 1.2 we expect to have the second test of the game 6th of November followed by the 2.0 version.

Well i really do need to get back to working on the project but I thought I would just give everyone an update. If you are in the US. GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND VOTE! The time to stop the Monsters that have been elected is at hand before it becomes to late to act.

I also want to say a heart felt sadness to the lives once again lost by the senseless violence at another shooting. The Jewish community are no different than a school full of children or any other place. Stop thinking that a gun is worth more than a life. Stop making excuses for not acting. The blood of those who have died because nothing was done is on your hands, America….


What have I done to myself

Oh Myyyyyy…..

I would not have ever thought I would get back into self defense. I thought I was done with that stage of my life. I should have known better when one of my best friends asked to enrol my children in Jiu-Jujitsu. Here we are two years later and many changes have taken place. Gabriel one of my sons is a Yellow belt in the sport and has moved towards a more aggressive side of BJJ. My lovely daughter is about to exit a younger class in exchange for going to an all women’s club that opened in our town. Hezekiah is still going strong in his club.

Well if you have been reading my blog you have read that I joined a all women’s club on their invitation. Well someone smack me I am thinking of joining a full club as the all women’s club does not do grading and I want to know more (okay another habit). But I plan on staying at the all women’s club as well. BJJ is so different when I sat on the sidelines it did not really click with me. Now that I have been on the mat and have had a few Rolls. I can see the respect that everyone has for each other or at least the ladies do. Yeah I am Trans and they don’t care. So now I am planning out how I am going to do this on my limited budget as I need to get Gabriel a new Gi first and into his new school uniform.

But I am also very nervous about being around new people in close proximity to my space bubble. It is a very strange feeling being openly scared of men. That sense where I used to respond with equal aggression is now gone. I even find my sense of trust at night has changed as well. I guess by joining a BJJ club I want to regain some of that sense of security that I am needing. A few weeks ago I had an event that scared the living shit out of me. I was just going to Grocery store and a guy was drunk and giving me some issues. I stood my ground but when I got home I crumbled and it was so very scary. I miss having that sense of understanding that I am safe. Now I am not safe and I am concerned when I am alone. Though no more going to the store late at night…..

Though good news a book will be released by end of year…..

Hey you….

Hey you out their all alone wondering why i’ll never call let me tell you.

I hate people reading this. But sometimes people need to learn to stand up for what is right. So by an example I will write this to you as an open letter. A long time ago I would have done anything for you. I would have given marrow for someone who is now gone. I even offered.
You broke my heart and my trust and now you say to my children that you were fearful that you would not hear from them until they were adults. Did you know that all you ever had to do was to say sorry to me. I would have forgiven you but not forgotten. Now you not only went behind my back and talked to my children without my blessing. You continue to stand with those who you should not stand with. Never once seeking forgiveness from me.
If it would have been my choice you would have never heard from them ever. But I have taught my children that there are always three sides to every story. Your’s, Mine and somewhere in the middle is the Truth. I have taught them if you have questions ask, dig and investigate. Then make a choice on what you believe, but be flexible because you might be wrong. I am Steel with you.
If stealing something that can never be replaced was not enough. If calling something yours that is mine, is not enough. If outing me was not enough. If calling me names was not enough. If ignoring blood was not enough. You talked to my children without talking to me, First.
I know you read, because my tracking software tells me. Let me make this perfectly clear to you. You tweaked one of my children so bad that I don’t even know my Grandchildren, let alone her. You tweaked her so bad that she hates me without even knowing me. You are not welcome to talk to these three children. You can’t be trusted, you know that hurts me to say that than the willingness to forgive you. So let me make this perfectly clear to you.
You think your family, your not even worth the salt in my urine. Stay away from my children, we don’t associate with people like you…..

Week 3

Wow, okay I am hooked, as I looked at the young man telling us we has 10 minutes warning for the Northern Women’s BJJ class. The only thing that ran through my mind was really this sucks its over for another week. What a major bummer…..

While it was only three of us. I had wished there were more who took the time and learned these protections. I wanted the time to turn back and do it all over again. As I drove home thinking to myself what have I missed out on for so many years. In three lessons I am hooked. I really am looking forward to lesson four. Even if it is painful afterwards…Worth every tear of knee pain. It will get better as I learn ways to avoid those positions where the knees are taking the stress to cause the pain.


Well I have been hinting for a while that something wonderful was on its way. That it is, this week we started to promote our new business. What does this mean?

Well some things need a starting point. As it has been said the hardest part of any journey is the first step. Come take a walk with us.
Give this post a share….. Keep an eye on instagram……

Gender Dysphoria (GD)

Well most people don’t understand this and many think that it is something that proves that Transgender community have a mental illness. To a point that is correct when learning about GD. When I was young at about 12 I started to have problems with GD. There are a lot of the Transgender community who also at this age started to have issues with it as well. GD can be very scary and life threatening if ignored. Treatment for GD varies in many ways. Some such as myself would have benefited from regular counseling as well as Hormone blockers.
Hormone blockers are not as scary as many might think. What they do is very simple they find the body’s pause button. Then press it until such time that the solution can be put in place. Those solutions can be proceeding with HRT or SRS (gender reassignment surgery).

Though this is not always a cure all. Such as the case with myself while when I was young I was not able to look in the mirror as it was very emotionally painful to do so. Thanks to HRT I can now look in the mirror without issues. But at the same time I still have a body image issue that I am not 100% okay with. No, it does not have anything to do with SRS. What it has to do with is that fact that I don’t like what I see in the mirror about my weight. So I know what your thinking “Yeah so many women and men have that”. When you have GD it is a bit more extreme. For me I stopped once again looking in the mirror as I could not deal with what was looking back at me. So I made the choice to do more and eat less. I was at a Jiu-jitsu class and they took a photo afterwards. Yup I looked at it and boom back to being that 12 year old kid.

So what is my solution? Well This week I started a diet my first diet ever that is structured. I am going to be doing a zero sugar and low carb (Keto) diet. Since black coffee is RIGHT out (ew), I will be drinking lots of Herbal Tea. Then a bunch of water while increasing the output of energy. Sunday I worked very hard at try to get the spring mowing done. I was hoping that today I was going to be able to get the front yard done, it rained.

Will this work? Eek, I am not sure. But I need to feel better about my physical body. My emotional health is great right now. In fact it is the best it has been ever. That says a lot if I can lose this weight I can’t see it hurting my emotional health. In fact it will make me a candidate for SRS. You see you have to be a healthy weight for that. So with Jiu-Jitsu and the diet I am sure in about 3-6 months things will be on the right path. Then my GD that has been causing me a few new problems will be gone. If the GD is not we will address those issues when we get to it.

BTW this is Day one…….No Coke look out world…….lol

Well I have been hinting

So is this the day I tell you what is going on……Hmmm Close very close I want to keep you interested. So I will give you something to think about before we launch 100%. In telling you this I will be creating a wind of change. Which that is just it, change it is the only constant in the world. Without further suspense….. if you are ready to have a peak take the look at…..