Month 23

Wow, well I would say thing have slowed down a bit but I am not really sure. I have see a large growth in the hips and breast areas. I am not sure I have lost about 30% of my Strength. My skin is still healing from the patches and the reaction. I have seen a Huge reduction in my use of Allergy medication. Which is a big bonus, I can start to regain my clear headed views.

This past month was two years since the children and I left our home and the lifer we had. It was a shit a start to the month everything was hyper emotional and as we got closer and closer to the 10th I was feeling like I was losing everything all over again. The emotions were so strong and I was not able to really focus on what I needed to. The issue of my body having to learn about the new pills without being allergic to the delivery method. I am sure that played a big part in the structure of the burst of emotions.

My hair is looking really nice and I am loving it still learning but new styles and issues of sleeping with long hair.

Weight is still a big problem. Though i am looking at the problem as I am being just lazy and the hormones as I have not really added things to my diet. I bet once some other issues like the spring I will get a bike and start going for bike rides with the kids and that might help out.

Month 24 is coming!!!!

It is hard to think that in two years looking back so many changes and a lot of them have been very wonderful. I think that post is going to be one very big one.

Violence

Violence, is not acceptable in any form to anyone. When I created this site I had the idea that it would be a place to let others know about how my transition was going. Over time a few things have changed to the point that I was not really prepared for the amount of wonderful people that I met on a regular basis. So many from so many different social and economical backgrounds. I have been treated so beautifully by so many that when something like violence happens it is a real shock. Last night when I could not sleep I started to read some sites that I read on a regular basis. I was confronted by a story were the 13th Transwoman in the US was murdered. I can say I am very lucky in my life that the few overtly attacks on my issues of being Trans have been simplistic and not to a point where I feared for my safety since leaving our home 2 years ago.

But I wanted to draw attention to the unprepared for violence that we as Transwomen will experience in our Journey. I started to think that the numbers of 13 in 6 months is a shocker. But then I hit me that we might be missing a hidden violence and not one that is directed towards Transwomen as a whole. This form of violence we could not ever be really ready for. There is no training or protection classes that we can take to protect ourselves from. It is even a violence that is being ignored by the Media and the Governments.

This violence is directed towards women as a whole. When we Transwomen step out of the shadows we need to understand that we are going to be entering a “Man’s” world for a horrible term – sorry. But we are most of the violence that women experience is from men. As Transwomen we are telling the world we do not accept the socail construct that we are “Men” and we have always felt different. We start to look at what we do feel like and that structure and design is that of the “Female” gender. In doing so we need to understand that we are going to be doing this in a society that currently accepts violence towards women. Mayim Bialik, yes the woman from The Big Bang Theory and other shows as well as a Phd. Addresses a lot of the hidden violence that women face everyday. Her YouTube channel that I linked in her name is a great place to review what I am talking about.

Transwomen need to understand that not all violence is directed towards us because we are Trans. In fact we need to take a deeper look into the realm of what women face everyday. It sould not be a shocker that we might not get a job because not only we are Trans we need to look at the fact it might even be part of the hidden violence towards women as a whole. That a large amount of men look and act as if women are below them and now you have willingly entered into this social group / construct. We have are then in some mens eyes equally available for said violence coupled with the hatered of us for giving up the “Male” privlidge. Yes, I understand that a small minority of this voilence might come from the hands of other women. But we must look at the fact that Cis-women also have to face the truth of that as well.

What is the solution i really don’t know….I know that does sound bad but this is the point where we must start to trust in the hands of strong Cis-women who are currently fighting for their fundimental rights and the right not to be abused by anyone at anytime. We must start to actively stand with them in their fight after all their win is our win aqs well. If we have children we need to start to turn off the TV and turn on our brains. Only show shows and movies where women are Strongly portrayed in positive ways. This does not just mean Wonder Woman or Super Woman / Girl. We need to allow our child to watch shows where women like Bailik are protrayed as Super Women! Then and only then will we start supporting the real change that needs to take place.

If you ever hear that intellectualism is of the Devil. Throw a book at them, and tell them to read it and then tell them that thanks to an Intellectual they can read something that was written in the first place.

 

 

 

Something found

Homophobic Christian, While You’ve Been Busy Bothering Gay People…

 

Homophobic Christian,

I see how angry you are, how consumed you are, how relentless you are, how myopic you’ve grown, how bitter you’ve become—and it saddens me.

It grieves me deeply to see you doing what you’re doing; what you’ve been doing.

I’m not sure how you ended up thinking that this was somehow your most noble calling or what good you believe you’re accomplishing or exactly what your end game is, but I hope you hear me because I am telling you in respect and with compassion and in love:

You’re wasting daylight here.
You’re squandering precious breaths.
You’re fighting a battle that you can’t win and weren’t asked to win anyway.

Changing someone’s sexual orientation or altering their gender identity is simply not your business.
It’s out of your jurisdiction.
It’s way above your pay grade.
It’s far beyond your control.

And yet Christian, because there is so much that is within your control, here is some unsolicited, but hopefully useful advice for you with whatever precious, fleeting moments you have left on this planet:

Stop spending so much time and energy trying to make gay people “not gay”—it isn’t going to happen.

Instead, try spending that time and energy, making:
hungry people not hungry,
hurting people not hurt,
lonely people not alone,
victimized people not victimized,
invisible people feel seen.
bullied people feel protected.
grieving people feel comforted.

Those things you actually can accomplish and Jesus did explicitly call you to them.
He states that this is his business and so it should be yours.
Love is the language he commands you to speak.

This is how he said he would determine your love for him; not by the signs you hold,
the insults you hurl, the coldness you deliver, the relationships you sever, the protests you mount, the havoc you wreak. 

Just look around you.
Possibility for goodness is everywhere.
It’s right in front of you.
You’ve been given this time and space and your heartbeat all as priceless gifts.
Don’t miss the chance to use them and don’t waste them.

There are hopeless situations that you can step into, blessings you can provide, people you can care for, paths you can beautifully alter, healing you can accomplish, prayers you can answer, wounds you can mend, kindnesses you can extend—right now.

The question is, do you really want any of that or are you married to this ultimately fruitless cause that is doing nothing real but damage?

The clock is ticking.
The sun is fading.
Time is wasting.
People are waiting.

Christian, do something worthy.

*Thank you for such wise words the information was gathered from the following website:
http://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/09/01/christian-while-youve-been-busy-bothering-gay-people/

The Activist Mummy

40%

 

In the last few days I have been asked over and over about this person on Facebook. Let me start of by saying the following EVERYONE should be allowed to use the freedom of speech. This includes those who choose to spew forth hate. For in that same right we are given the right to empress upon others the virtues of love and kindness. By their actions they shall be known. If you think this person is a good person would you hire them? Would you work with them? Would you allow them near your child?
Next I would like to point out is something an old friend once told me in Gardening. There is no need to fancy sprays or dust to kill weeds. All you have to do is remove the light from them. This woman while she has the right to speak her mind. We do not need to fan the flames of her hate what we need to do is remove the light that she now enjoys. What I mean is so very simple. Don’t reply to her, don’t give her fuel, don’t complain, and don’t share her hate. Remove the spotlight from her actions. In time she will slow and then start to be forgotten and then last she will fade away.
The more and more we fan the flames of hate the more wel add fuel to the 40%. We must take the time and work to reduce the 40%. How do we do this we start by Caring, Loving, and Doing. For in doing we act upon “Say what you mean, Mean what you say”. Wow ever so simple to apply more love. I have to say it but it is so very simple Love wins over Hate every time. Look at 10 people and four of them are in the 40%. That is a large amount of people if you think about it.

What is 40%?

Well I am part of the 40%, you might be as well.  40% of all LGBT+ children have attempted suicide. Did you think of this that an additional percentage have succeeded but it is unknown how many. What can be done well it is hard for a person to say you could have saved me when they are dead. So let’s start right off the top Religion needs to stop its Passive Aggressive Nature towards the LGBT+ communities. This institution has created more hate among the general populace. In the name of their God they claim they are doing his work. Yet what most Christians forget 99% of the commandments that they choose not to obey before casting the first stone.
Next what we need to do is VOTE. The more you learn to force good people in roles of leadership the more we remove the light from the weeds of Hatred.
Vote with your feet if there is a group of is doing things that are not filled with love in their actions STOP giving them light. Even the smallest weed is still a weed. This means that if your church is spewing forth hate about anyone leave it. There are others that do not. Yes it is hard to leave what you might view as the right religion, but is it? IF you doubt then you need to listen to what the spirit is saying. Love is above all else what a good person lives everyday. Passive Aggressiveness is not love it is Abuse is the most underhanded way known. Emotional abuse never leaves you it resides in the deepest parts your memories.

40%

Is there blood on your hands from doing nothing?

I hate my battles

All my life I have fought a war and the battles that are linked to it. I don’t really don’t like talking about my battles with Depression. But this week two years ago I took a long walk in hell. Sometimes I am not really sure if I have reached the other side. In less than five days from now the abuse we suffered hit its penacle. Last year I was a mess during this week, this year feels a little better but….. Just when I think I can sit down and enjoy my life getting better, memories rush in and flood my mind with the happy days. Days that are now lost in pain and heart break. No matter how many people tell you that you are doing better; you are somewhat scared to close your eyes. Because the events replay over and over and I am lost in the views of the destruction of what was something so very beautiful.

About a year ago I learned how to work with my depression and learned ways to find my safe place. Which even to this day I still use it. But now I on working on grounding myself and bringing back my centre. It is a very tought thing to learn. Though once you start working with it, it becomes second nature. Now mind you this does not mean my depression is gone. Oh far from it, in fact I even have to bring out the big guns and borrow a friends drumset from time to time and play Toxicity & Fourty Six & 2 on it until my arms are jello or he is sick of my playing. Though it is very nice to be playing once again. With each drop of sweat that rolls off my body I begin to feel safer.

Then if all things fail I call my back up and have a long chat with Vik. I have my plans in place now where I can defend against the on slaught of self defeating voices. But like I said this war will never end but I will hold the demons at the gate. I will have down days where I need to just take self care. But I will never allow another person to abuse the children or myself ever again because they feel they have a right to. Yes we are doing better….But I take myself care very serious and I am doing better everyday. Maybe just maybe someday I will wake from a memory recall and go back to sleep.

*Please get help if you need it, life is very beautiful even in the dark times. Good people are always there to help if you just ask.

life linemensline

I got called a sinner

Here is my reply…
It is very simple become educated in the bible. There are 667 sins in the bible yet most of those forgetting that when they point the finger at you three are pointed back at them. Christ never talked about anything that showed HATE. Even when faced with Satan (who is his brother) he never got mad. The only time he did get “Mad” is at the money changers at the temple. The bible has be translated so many times by so many different people all of them with their own adjendas. Verses left out because they did not fit the narrative that their sponsor wanted to portray. Mathew is missing verses that are commandments in most bibles (in fact I think it is in all of them)…..Thess verses are so very important you wonder why it was dropped… Meanings were changed as in the Joseph Smith Translation, The New American Bible, The King James Bible and so many others.
 
Then lets ask why it was written some 55-90 years after the death of Christ and some of these men to whom the books are assigned to could not read or write.
 
Point being when you are judged by another it gives you the right to judge back. The only choice you have is, will you… Knowing that it becomes an endless cycle of finger pointing where each person is forgetting about 666 sins. Funny number eh? The devil lies in the detail.
 
Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying that the bible is not true or that there is no God. All I am saying is that if you are going to quote the bible know what you are quoting. If you are going to call a person a sinner know that you are also a sinner and that you might be breaking a three to one odds in sin.
Don’t Bible bash, Book of Mormon bash….Me! I am educated. Are you? I am not perfect nor will I ever be, but I lift others instead of trying to tear them down. Can you say the same?

Transition Timeline Update

Month 23

Well let get this month done, I wish it was that simple. This is my second month on the pills for my Estrogen part of my HRT. There has been a few issues that have been creeping up here and there. Mind you most of them are physical and most of thge are emotional. I have been learning to deal the heavier emotional responses to issues.

Emotional Developement

Wow, what a month crying a lot about silly things and stupid people.

Hair issues

Due to my age I had back hair when i was 30 as well as arm hair that made me look a fuzzy wuzzy. While I was on the patch that hair started to thin but not go away. But since I have been on the pills for two months now this has really taken a fast track to clearing up the amount and the little I have left now is very light in colow and not as corse.

Skin issues

I have stopped itching all the way now and where the patch was has healed with no scaring to the area. I have started to see a bit of clearing up of the dry skin on my ankles. The wounds from scratching so much is all gone as well.but over all it is still very dry.

Breast Devlopement

Well I have seated into a B cups just fine now and still a bit sit and nipple has begun to change as well. The early puberty style of breast swelling has made way for the fill out stage of growth.

Weight issues

Well I am not to happy with the amount of weight I have gained but some is the hormones and others has been my lazy ass not getting out and doing stuff. But I have been also wqritting my next book and school and kids and and and excuses…..suck.

Hips Developement

Well with some of the weight the hips have taken some of it. That has helped the hips to look better.