Back to the grind

Well, today I have a meeting with Ross Hart mp. I was really not to sure how this was really going to go. I did not know what to expect as an out come of this meeting. People might ask why? Labor is not in power at this time in Australia. Yes that is correct, but if you want something to change you go to someone who has the same values. I am beyond a Labor supporter in fact some might call me a socialist in my political leanings.

So lets get down to the meat of what happened. I am a person who can tell the type of person you are within a few minutes. First I judge your handshake, then how you talk with me not at me, then I judge the time you spent and last the promises you give. So let work through those with Mr. Hart and my meeting with him. I was greeted by his staff member Laura. She was a very nice and kind young lady. I might want to point out the Cis-gaze was the only issue with her. But to be honest it did not affect the way she treated me. She asked if I would like a water or coffee. I gladly took the offer of water. If you know me then you know my reasons for accepting water. It was served to me in a glass and was cold. Very refreshing and got the tick of my “Okay I might be listened to”. First impressions are important.
I waited for a few minutes but not to many to say that it was long. After all I was early, prompt means before the appointment time. Our time to meet was at 10am Mr. Hart at 9:55am came out of the meeting door. I was greeted warmly and with a firm but not overly masculine. In case you don’t know women shake hands differently than men. He even kindly opened the door to the meeting room for me and allowed me to enter in first. This was important to me, if you respect me I will give you all the respect you are due.
We began our conversation and I think he was not really expecting me to be like I am. He did start with what I did expected, the party line. To be honest if I was not a supporter of Labor I would not have been in his office. The party line is okay and here is why. If you don’t know where the common ground is you need to establish it. I did interrupt and change the need for him top continue his party line because I already knew it. We started to get down to the issues. After a few minutes I think I was able to express my issues clearly. He was kind and genuine in his responses. He kept clear eye contact. Let me tell you this as a Transwoman I have learned eye contact on a level I never wanted to. I have been in countless interviews where the interviewer cannot take the time to keep eye contact with me. I know at that point I don’t have the job. Mr. Hart did not have this problem the whole time direct eye contact was kept. Next we need to look at the promises that were given. Let be honest if you are going to tell me that you are going to try to help. I will hold you to it. He told me that he had a few contact at the Uni and my skills might be useful to them. Well we will see, to be honest I have heard this before. He asked for my Resume’ so I gave him my current one and we will see what happens next.
There are few things about time in a business settings. If you have to make appointments keep them in a reasonable time frame. Don’t make an appointment for 10am because you are a busy person and then talk to me for 2-3 hours. Mr. Hart did not let me down in that aspect. When we did have a good about of time to talk it was not beyond reason. I count that as a good thing.
Next he asked me to keep in touch with him. He did this 2 or 3 times and to me that means a lot. As I felt like it was sincere. We also talked about my writing and how it was going as well. This was important to me as my writing is a big part of me now. As our meeting ended within a reasonable time frame. He once again opened the door and we continued our conversation as he walked me out.

So where does this leave me……..hopeful. People need to know that single parents are doing it so very hard. Drop by drop our support to get out of our holes is getting harder. Then toss in the fact that being Transgender is the elephant in the room makes it ten times harder. I will agree to disagree with Labor on the Private Hospital expanse at the LGH. My reason for this is very simple it does not support one single lower income family. I at this time will not be able to benefit from this idea and I can’t see it helping my family as a whole and that includes my Ex (gulp). But maybe I am missing the bigger picture. But what I see is from a socialist view point where others less fortunate needs to be helped first.

I want to add in closing something that really broke my heart. It has nothing to do with Mr. Hart. As I was walking to his office, I for the first time in many many years saw a man sleeping in a door way on the cold concrete. I was so upset that I did not have 10 dollars to give him for a breakfast. I know he did not ask because he was still asleep. But it did not change my desire to lift someone who had it worse than I did. Because I don’t have any extra money could not help or else I would have…….Yet we waste as a government countless dollars on useless shit and give raises to those who don’t need it. While we rob the poor and disadvantaged to give tax breaks to big businesses.  All I could think about was the time when I was him. It still is breaking my heart as I write this……

Hey have a nice day and if you can help someone who is in need, thanks……



About three years ago I was thrust from a very large home into a small home with three children. In doing so I needed to rethink what was important. What could I live without, what could I give away. In most of today’s world we tend to think that the person who dies with the most toys wins.
I set out to try to prove to myself that I really did not need all that junk. My mother was a horder and my ex was a horder with style. When we left it was time to take charge of our life in out smaller home. We started doing toy culls, if you have not played with it for 12 months it’s time to go. So I also started to look at clothing the same way. Well that does not work with me because I have a big problem. My weight goes up and down all the time and I am not talking about a small movement I am talking about 20-30kg. So what I needed to do is to find a solution to no be a horder but at the same not waste money when my weight moves again. So I started to sort the clothes by sizes and store them away for when I need them. Style police be damned….

Then I went into the dishes. My ex was shocking to many different styles. Plates for guests and holidays, normal plates, and grab and go plates. Do my head in, if you can’t handle enjoying a meal I cooked by eating it off normal plates you my friend in the wrong house. I only have one set of plates, glasses, and flatware. Goodbye to the clutter.

Next Towels, there is a towel for everyone, a washcloth and a hand towel as well. I also looked at the issues of towels for swimming okay we have a couple of beach towels as well.

Then we needed to look at sheets. Oh….. the mountains of sheets that my ex had. Ones for winter and ones for summers, Ones in this style and ones in that style, and last but not least colours and patterns. At some point what you need to see that all that is needed to 2 per bed. Simple not to hard to understand make the colours something you can live with for a long time. When you wash one put the other one on.

Shoes, I am a failure at that but i try to keep it simple…..Try

Thats really it to a simple fact….. cut what you can do without. After all do you really need tons of different table cloths. I think not….

BTW good luck give it a try.

Leaves update

Well here it is just so you know how close the next book is. Though right now I am also doing something crazy while facing down the barrel of Leaves wanting to be finished. I have chosen to stop drinking fizzy. OMG the headaches and my tummy is also turning over and over. Well 50,000 words is nothing to shrug at. There was also a big edit done to it as well. I cemented a good part of the book ready for my editor.


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Time for an update

Well, I was sitting here working on about three book at the same time this past week. When it dawned on me that I might want to tell people how things are going. So i’ll do a book by book breakdown….lol


Oh I love this book currently it is going through a semi small edit to check for errors as well as flow. I am starting to add in the photos and a few things to make the right reader think a bot more on a unique level. You will have to see when the book is out but there is a hidden message in the pages. One that unless you really pay close attention to you might miss. I am very excited about that. Current word count just reached 50,000. It is going up and down faster than a roller coaster.

The Choice:

Well this being my first real dive in to full fiction it is a bit strange with all the angels I am trying to create. I did not think it would get as deep as it would. I am hoping that I am on the mark with it. Current word count just hit 12,000. Some days I just don’t know what to write in it and others like today I am 2,000 words so far.

Cooking to Connect:

Right now this book is on the slow burner as I have lost a bit of spark in it due to a few other projects. But I am very sure that it will start to pickup once one of the others is done.

Things the doctors never told me:

Working title, but saying that I still love the idea. I am working out the context in my mind before I start to put it to effort. I like where it is going and the idea behind it all. Needless to say this is a book about transition. With my crazy sense of humor it might be a good read.

Well those are the ones I feel okay to talk about. I am so surprised that I am working on so many others as well. But not really ready to talk about them all. I heard a quote this past week that changed my ideas on some of the books I have been working on and I think i will share it with you. The worst book on paper is better than the best book in your mind. In a weird way it helped out with the idea that maybe people won’t like my Fiction, but you never know there might be someone out there who loves it. So I am not going to give up, there is more books in me than you could ever imagine.

Well I need to get back top writing. Thank you for taking the time.


About me page

Well in keeping the page changes coming the Photos and Transition Timeline have been moved to the About Me page. I know it is an extra step but one I think will serve this page better.


Missing links

Well in the redesign of the page I have removed a few links to pages. But I have placed them in links page as to not remove the whole page. The new design is going to mainly focus on my life as a writer who happens to be Transgender. But not as the Transgender Writer. The reason I did this was to make a very valid point that seems to be lost on so many people. First I am a Human who has a set of skills but with the added bonus I am also Transgender. I have been finding it very hard to find work because of the elephant in the room. It seems that when people look at me they see a Transperson not a skillful person first. So in changing the mind set I have also started to change my website / blog to reflect this. I want you my readers to see that while I am trying to place information I find. I also want you to see where I might not be finding work, I am working and not giving up. Following a bit of advice “If you can’t find it, Make it”.



Everyone stumbles

I am a firm believer in a lot of Buddha’s teachings. But not a follower of his religion. A long time ago I came across a passage. I was really consumed in anger over a person’s actions. While I was reading a website this quote from Buddha caught my attention “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” I walked away thinking to myself how true that statement was. So I went on a search and that thought process became expanded with the following:

The Reviler

Once while the Blessed One stayed near Rajagaha in the Veluvana Monastery at the Squirrels’ Feeding Place, there lived at Rajagha a Brahman of the Bharadvaja clan who was later called “the Reviler.” When he learned that one of his clan had gone forth from home life and had become a monk under the recluse Gotama, he was angry and displeased. And in that mood he went to see the Blessed One, and having arrived he reviled and abused him in rude and harsh speech.

Thus being spoken to, the Blessed One said: “How is it, Brahman: do you sometimes receive visits from friends, relatives or other guests?”

“Yes, Master Gotama, I sometimes have visitors.”

“When they come, do you offer to them various kinds of foods and a place for resting?”

“Yes, I sometimes do so.”

“But if, Brahman, your visitors do not accept what you offer, to whom does it then belong?”

“Well, Master Gotama, if they do not accept it, these things remain with us.”

“It is just so in this case, Brahman: you revile us who do not revile in return, you scold us who do not scold in return, you abuse us who do not abuse in return. So we do not accept it from you and hence it remains with you, it belongs to you, Brahman…”

I walked away with a different view after reading this. It was from that point in my life I started trying to return gifts of hate with love. Though last night after a wonderful day with our children. I thought it would be nice to let my Ex-partner know that the children would be singing in their school carols. My intentions soon became twisted when the person chose not to support our children once again. I let the anger fill my cup to the point it flowed out. I told the person how about next year the children come live with me full time so she could go live with her new partner who lives 3 hours away. I offered her every other weekend and half of the holidays. I would carry the responsibility of the children’s school and extra circular activities. That simple offer was met with vile anger and her response was met with my own. I allowed myself to spill forth the reasons for why she needed to do it. I told her of all the problems the children were having while in her care. At this point I just should have said no thank you for your anger and walked away from sending that message.

But in doing what I thought was right for my children she replied in hate and anger over the fact of the truth being presented to her. She chose to take target at many things but not least to the issue of myself being Trans. She also said “I always place my children first”. I then caught sight in my reflection and it startled me. It was a face from a long time ago, one who thought anger was okay to be met with anger. I relaxed and tried once more for the children and said “So we shall see you tonight for the carols” and I left it at that. I knew that she would not show, but I wanted her to show up for the kids sake. I had noticed that her lack of caring in regards to the children were starting to frustrate me. These messages were the perfect example. I was shocked that I was dealing with a Disneyland parent and I allowed it to anger me. I did not see the clear blessings as the anger clouded my eyes. I could not see that it was such a blessing to enjoy a picnic with our children without her interruption. But once I began to step away from her it allowed me to focus my energies to the children and what a wonderful blessing it was. We sat and listened to the music and all the smiles of so many parents enjoying their children’s wonderful singing. We ate and enjoyed our food without competition. This is the reason this part of the season is so magical.

I now come full circle to what Buddha said (pardon I am paraphrasing) The gift of love is love, the gift of returned hate is that it is not yours. I think to myself in hindsight I could have had such a wonderful day if I would have never bothered in trying to move the Mule. But even looking at it I notice it is okay to stumble from time to time it allows us to see the clearer path that we should be taking. Who knows what will happen in the future, but one thing is for sure that I will no longer waste any time or energy trying to get the other parent to focus on our children. in closing I will leave you with one last thought and a small little lesson to reflect upon.

“One’s mind finds no peace, neither enjoys pleasure or delight, nor goes to sleep, nor feels secure while the dart of hatred is stuck in the heart”