If you want to know something just ask me. aleana.robins@gmail.com

Q: Why are you doing this?
A: I have lived 47 years, 35 of them hating who I am in the mirror and when I look down when that just not something I can say in a “G” rated blog post. I grew up praying that I would wake up and not be me. It has almost killed me a few times as well. I also don’t want to live the rest of my life this way.

Q: Are you going to go all the way with this?
A: Much to my families horror yes I am. If you were overweight all your life what would you do to be just right? Buy clothes that fit? Not have to worry about peoples comments? Feel really good about yourself? You would do it too. So here I am looking forward to the future as me, a woman. By the way this is something most Transgender people feel is rude to ask so please remember I am answering cause I am happy to while others might not be. Whoopie Goldberg once said you would never ask a woman how tight is her vagina.

Q: Will this make you happy?
A: No, but it will be part of my future happiness. One thing will not make anyone happy forever, it is however part of a future I am looking forward to and that in itself will make me happy.

Q: When did you know you were transgender?
A: I did not know the term for it when I was young and back then it was a very negative term “Transsexual”. Though that said I have known for a very long time that I was not happy with being in this body. I did as much as I could to stay in this body. Being honest was not one of them, i mislead many friends not to be deceitful but to hide the fact that I hated being this way. Not being honest has lead me to some very serious times of depression.

Q: Are you ready for the costs?
A: No but I am going to do it no matter what. Costs for Transition can start at $20,000 aud and go upwards.

Q: What are you going to do about clothes?
A: DO? I’ve have already done. I only have 1 pair of mens works boots that I will keep cause they cost so much. Shoes! I love Shoes!

Q: How do your children feel about it all?
A: That is a very good question. Some of them have not taken it well cause they are a bit more zealous in the religion. I feel until more time passes and they can see i am still the same goofy person I have always been…..Though the rest have taken it okay there have been a few struggles. But all things aside we are a family, good families stick together.

Q: Are you attracted to???
A: Well lets take a look at attraction. Cause this is a huge issue right now in the US as many people are just plain confused of the Transgender issues. Excluding Trans and Intersex there are three main classes of sexual attraction. Hetrosexual, Homosexual, and Bisexual. Please remove the thought of Lesbian and Gay, stick to the basics for now. below is a flow chart of a Transperson like myself. If you look at it in a way of Transition you can see that is does change the way you need to look at who we are attracted to. Now I know that it says (after Transition) but it should say (in/after transition) I made an error making this sorry. So back to your question “Are you attracted to???” I consider myself to be a Translesbian, though for ease of life I am a lesbian.


Q: Why do something at all??
A: Why not? If something is broken why not fix it? After all this past year has been the one time in my life where everything fits together.

Q: What does the hormones feel like?
A: When the HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) is right on track it is easiest to say it like this. My body was like a poorly tuned guitar. You can play a song but it never sound right. Once the HRT for me was in full swing it was like the perfectly tuned guitar the music was sweet and divine. I felt whole…..

Q: How hard was it to start your Transition?
A: Transition can start at anytime for anyone. Some parts of Transition are personal and do not require a doctors help or guidance. Though if you are thinking about HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) you are going to need to seek professional assistance. I do not condone using the self medicated idea. The HRT program is modeled using a gate keeper style and is logical and safe. It will take about two years before you might be allowed HRT. You will be seeing two different Psychologists and an Endocrinologist who will tell you all about how hormones work. If you are like me you should take the time and do the research as the Doctors do not tell you everything as a lot of them have never done it.
Make sure when talking to the doctors that you 100% honest and forth coming. After all this is your body and your mind we are talking about. Messing around with them can be dangerous and the results can vary.

Q: Which bathroom do you use?
A: I live in Australia where the people do not worry about those types of issues or if they do they are not going to say anything. The laws protect peoples rights are strong and fair. Though just like in the US there are voices coming from misguided yet strong willed part of our society who say “we are protecting our wives and children”. But these people are cattle following American issues. So in answer I use the womens restroom. The US could learn a lot from Australia we are not perfect we have a long ways to go in some areas. But for the Transgender community it is pretty good.

Q: Do you have a mental illness?
A: Current thinking is that Gender Dysphoria is a mental illness and to some part I agree. Having Gender Dysphoria is like have on the wrong size size shoe it’s tight or to loose and never really fits at all. This causes many issues with those of us who are affected by it. Though I don’t think the issue is one that is like many other Mental issues. IN fact the way to solve the problem is through Transition. So in review, yes I do. In fact without the HRT life can be very difficult and hard to focus on the important parts of life. For some of the Trans-community Depression is a real side effect that happens as well. Anxiety can also be a friend. There are many issues that linger or tag along with some people who have Gender Dysphoria.
I am a lucky one my life is pretty stable now and I am safe. My depression was not linked to my Gender Dysphoria but was a result of Domestic Abuse. Environmental issues play a huge part in a person Gender Dysphoria. Social acceptance helps, though sadly many of the Trans-community are not that lucky or live in places were it is not safe to tell anyone.

Q: How did you feel at your one year mark on Hormones?
A: As I have said before in the past I am very blessed. I have wonderful friend and their partners. I live in a wonderful and safe part of the world. In fact I am surrounded by love and compassion. My one year mark on Hormones was one of peace and calm that I have never known. Everything is changing in so many ways. I at times wish that I could have been in this safe place with all that I have now but younger. Though mind you, I am very happy and I was very happy at my one year mark. Sadly not everyone is as blessed as I am.

Q: What is Detransitioning?
A: Sometimes Being Transgender is a huge struggle. Hormones, loss of family, loss of friends, social acceptance, employment are just a few of the daily struggles. Sometimes HRT is not right for the person and the Gender Dysphoria is something else that was hiding in a persons mental state. So what happens is a Trans-person goes back to who they were before Transitioning and the problems that are a part of that as well. Family might says new insults “see i told you it was a choice” or “see you do have a mental illness” these are just a couple of examples. The Gate keeper model the professionals use try to prevent this type of to and fro.

Q: What does Cis mean?
A: Well the term Cis is a double edged sword rife with confusion and self hate. What I mean is that when the Trans-community uses the term Cis we are drawing a line in the sand saying there is a difference between you and me. Cis is a person who was born in the correct body and that their mental view matches. We scream for acceptance but we accept the Cis term to be used. But at the same time the without the Cis term being used we were faced with an even more horrific term being used Genetic Male or Female.

Q: What about Body hair?
A: Body hair in time will reduce if not go away. Though the more you have the longer it will take.

Q: What about facial hair?
A: Well it is sad to say that if you are saving now get used to it. It does not stop it might slow down and you might be lucky to have the right skin hair combo for IPL (laser hair removal). Then you can also go the way of Electrolysis. Both of these options are costly and take time.

Q: What pronouns do you use?
A: For me I prefer the use of feminine pronouns (she, her). I identify with the feminine more than I do the masculine.

Q: Why did you write a book?
A: It all started with my About me page and a wonderful person I like to call my brother from another mother.  I wrote a 10,000 word about me and was about to add even more when he suggested I rethink that and possibly look into a book. One thing lead to another and then one week the children were away and I started writing to avoid being alone. 72,000 words later the book was born.

Q: How did you “coming out” go?
A: This is in my book and it is a rather long story to give it away in a single line. Read my book and you will get a better picture.

Q: I love your timeline about what is going on each month, will you continue it as you now have a book out?
A: Yes, There are a lot of people who don’t like to read blogs much less understand them. The book is a bit more expanded on a few thing from the timeline that people who read the blog will not get. Though I will not be writing a second book for the rest of my Transition, so the blog will have everything past 16 months until one day I stop writing the blog (don’t worry I enjoy it, so it won’t be for a long time).

Q: Do you regret the starting your Transition?
A: Transition is a double edged sword. What I mean by that is not everyone you care about will be there once you go into transition. Some people will show their true colours and you will learn who is and who is not going to be by your side throughout it all. This was a very hard lesson to learn, I lost a number of people I thought would always be by my side in life. I have even had people lie straight to my face tell me one thing then when I was not looking start talking behind my back.
Saying all of the above still does not outweigh the facts that I now live a life with people around my inner circle I trust with everything. I know who they are and they know me. These wonderful people have learned so much about the true me and have accepted it without a second thought. I have also met new friends who I hope will be in my life for a long time to come.

The whole impact of Transition is unknown to me at this time. But I am very thankful for the ability to have started the physical side. I have learned so much and when the noise stopped that was one of the biggest blessings there is.

Q: Are you worried about the surgery?
A: Well to be honest, yes. I think you would be a fool if something like a major change in your life that could possibly kill you did not worry you. But at the same time with great risk comes great rewards.

Q: You talk about Breast Massage how is it done?
A: I am not a qualified person to help you with this. My friend showed me and her help was wonderful as she is qualified. I do not have her permission to share her details at this time. She has however suggested that you have a look on Youtube. Plus while doing so it will allow you to become more in tune with your breasts and you will know if negative issues arise. Should a bump that is not normal arise speak to your doctor asap! Get to know the signs of Breast cancer and be aware that you are now more at risk than before due to women are more at risk than men and you have taken the step that is giving you all the hormones of a woman and are blocking the male ones.

Q: I am confused do you or don’t you believe in a god?
A: Yes, I believe that we are far to an amazing creature to be a one off chance. I do believe in a creator, higher power, God or what have you. But I do not feel that we as a human race understands him. I live my life as best as I can helping out where I can and I raise my children to be good and kind as well.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s