I have added 3 books so far. I have been very busy doing research and going to school. Sorry the page has suffered for it. I will try to add more as I get time.
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This subject started off from a new friend walking the same path as I.
I have been taking the time and looking at personalities of Men and Transwomen. This is not done in a blind study or anything fancy it is just my observations. I am going to try to break it apart in a few simple areas. But I am going to be using myself and maybe a couple of others (no names).
I think it is important that we take a long look at age vs. transition. The reason for this is that the more a Trans person has to act the role the more personality traits become ingrained into their lives. For example (using myself) at the time of writing this I am 47. When it comes to cars I love the sound of a V8 tuned up and roaring to life. This is something I fell in love with working on a few motors over the years. If I would have been able to transition much earlier in life I would not have fallen in love with that sound because I would have spent more time and years doing thing more associated with women. But the funny thing is I hate the feel of grease (but love the musical).
We all have issues with anger and don’t waste my time trying to say you don’t. Anger comes in so many different forms. Though like my dad I have a level that hits and roofs will be taken off when I reach it. Mind you I save it for times when righteous anger is needed. This is a manly trait very few women have I ever known to reach the level of self explosion. I think if I would have Transitioned earlier in life this might not have been an issues as most women are taught to be a meeker and milder group. Though say this I would like to point out that I do have a few Spanish women in our family and even I know you don’t cross a Spanish momma, lol.
This hit me very hard a few months ago when a very special person who I know in a few different circles said “Wow Ally, you are so different now. You used to be so angry” I walked away and thought very hard on what she said. I think that storing all those emotions is a very manly trait as I was never able to release in case of showing the weakness that was so very clear to me. As I started my Transition I began to see that even to this day I still bottle it all up until I have to let it out. Where the norm should be talk it over with my girl friends and spills it out for better health, but it is not something I have ever done (I am learning).
I have never had a problem with empathy, which most men unless taught miss those clues or are not able to connect.
This is one I think with age comes the issues of unlearning “Bad habits”. For example sitting correctly to avoid the “Man gap” Sitting with your legs wide apart. This is something we teach our daughters not to do because it is not “Lady Like”. Ways of eating and the amount that are eaten. Drinking anything…..I hate straws I always have but lipstick lasts longer with them.
You see even though to most of us in Transition may be trying to live life as close to the ways we think we should. We forgotten the fact that we are all different that media has also played a huge part in what we think and feel is the correct way to act and respond. Now just because I have pointed out a few issues out of the hundreds. Does not mean that being Trans is a phase or a choice. What I am trying to point out is that the more you act like something the more you can become like it even though at the base of it all you still are not that something. Accept who you are even if it means like me you are a V8 girl who loves doing my nails. In this life there is no real right or wrong in the sense of being a man, woman or even a Transperson. The only wrong is trying to be something you are not. To that I remind you “to thine own self be true – Polonius (Hamlet)”
I am Trans and I am okay with that!
As a Divorced parent i think i am more than qualified to bring this point up. STOP being assholes in front of your kids. It does not matter why the or how the Divorce took place. Yeah you might be very hurt, you might even still be in love with the other parent. You need to use some emotional intelligence and realize your outward anger is hurting your children. It can be so very hard at times to keep your mouth shut.
It will come as no surprise that I don’t really care for my Ex. I do however wish the best for her in front of the children and I never say anything negative about her. Even when the kids come home and say “Mum says…..”. Yeah it is very upsetting that she is not able to use emotional intelligence. But in the end when my kids think of me they know I am not going to bad mouth their mum. Then they also know I am a good person who does not do that to other people. It becomes a good example, positive learning.
Actions and words used with Emotional Intelligence change environments beyond any negative comments will ever do. This creates a more harmonic home life for them. Kids are already in enough stress due to two adults thinking of themselves and Divorcing. Then Lets toss in school and friends and all the fun stress that comes with understanding those. Next if you toss in juvenile actions of some divorced parents. The child might have a harder time just being a kid.
So what am i asking? It is very simple walk away take a time out for yourself. Eat some chocolate due some stairs do something other than being an asshole in front of your children. There is a possibility that they will grow up mean and horrible person. They might even think far worse things that both of my parents never wanted me…… You make the choice, i can’t make it for you. I am just seeing the impact of how being kind to the other parent is working for me. We have time for the fun things in life, like unconditional love (every kid deserves this).
Well not a lot of crap has been going on to judge what is going on in my emotional development. In fact things are very stable over all and I am very pleased. A few commercials have played a bit of havoc. Then I went to a Mental Health First Aid class and that was very hard at times. Mainly due to some of the subject material.
I am still having itchy issues without taking hay fever meds. I am over all very pleased with my breast development. Still have a bit of hair on my body that is driving my razor to levels of hate.
Surprised at the level of dry skin I have now. Where before the hormones it was a bit oily. Even my hair used to be very oily now it is normal.
My hair has been getting longer and longer. It is very nice to enjoy a full head of hair. Though I am learning to deal with the days when long hair is a bit of a curse. Then there are the times when you over heat due to the hair that covers your neck.
Oh my I had to change the style of bra’s I am using I have gone to a sports bra as I am in that middle area of needing to up size but the sport bra has a few new issues. Like when my nipples might rub on the fabric. Oh my that is not a friendly feeling all the time. Then there are the times when you need to change the sensation and you can’t do it due to being in public. So you find a public restroom and solve the problem.
I once knew this person who by all accounts was the most beautiful person I had ever met. I watched her from a distance as she grew up to make choices that changed her. These changes were small to start with but little bit by little bit the beauty of the person I once knew was gone.
Be careful of who you choose to be with as friends, lovers or what ever. If you have to change things about who you are to keep a person or to attract a person. Then you might not know who you are. No amount of schooling can teach you the simple rule of to thine own self be true.
Yeah I did want to grab this person give them a big wake up call, but in the end it is their choice how they live their life. Of this much I am sure time is fleeting. When you die you can only take with you the weight of your soul. If it is as empty as a broken cup what will you have to be measured?
I have spent these last two years working on knowing myself without the other person in my life. I have had to mourn the passing of this person from my life just as if that person would have died. I needed a bit of grounding this past week and I called in on a close friend to whom I can trust. We talked a bit about being who I am and in time someone might just see me for the real me and be okay with that. Being honest yeah I would love to be in a relationship. Though at the same time I am enjoying the rest and relaxation of bonding with my children without distraction.
SO am I ready for someone in my life……maybe. But are they ready to meet the ghost of my past…..possibly. But this I know and I like so many others need to be reminded at times good things come to those who wait.
Maybe i should re think my title, yeah right no. When I stepped out of the shadows there was a lot of lies around external sources telling me I should just do it. But what it did was to give me the clearest vision I have ever had. I watched a number of people turn into horrific individuals that I have ever known. Now I know I say that I have never had to experience people being rude to my face, in public…… Family can be the biggest problems, you can chose you friends, but you don’t get a choice with family. Even the ones you were told they would never be like that until they are.
I started to think to myself how can I help affect change. I am in my 40’s and Trans. I started looking at who was close to me and how they did not care and took me for being me, I started to review what I could do. I started being vocal about being Trans. I stopped hiding who I was and what I had gone through. I was a subject on the Humans of Launceston, then a friend told me about The Human Library Project here in Launceston. That was a big step out of my comfort zone. It became a step forward in creating a path where I could effect change.
This past week this speaking project began to payoff. On Friday I spoke to small groups of youth 15-18 at there college / high school. When two lives came forward and asked me about being Trans. Because they had reasons for trying to understand. Then I was asked by three young men who did not understand and wanted to know more. We had a wonderful chat talking about being Trans and what it was like growing up. I was moved so very much by one person asking to understand. I was really shocked that I walked away being more and more educated on the future of Australia. They are asking why and trying to understand.
So back to my agenda, I don’t have one though I do hope that people will read my book, read my website / blog. I laugh every time I hear people say the LGBT+ community. I think it is a bit of a cop out. No not phobia, more like they don’t want to experience change. They listen to leaders who are creating fear and mistrust telling them what to think instead of thinking for themselves.
I started thinking what can I do for the future and right now that goal is on track. Last night I finished my test on being an accredited mental health first aider. When about two years ago my Brother was mine. It is amazing fucked when people push another person towards Suicidal thoughts or even drag them down into depression. Lucky my brother saw what was going on long before it even got to that point. He stood up and said enough is enough time to get out and take charge of your life.
Yeah I still see all the hate from some of my family member past and present. But you know what they have enough baggage of their own that they need to work through and I am not going to be like them. In fact I am going to lift where I stand. I am going to be that voice that says “we can”.
Well to say things are busy is the understatement of year for me. I have chosen to go back to school in the hopes to be working in the community service sector dealing with LGBT issues. Being that I am part of the community it might be a wise choice. So I want to belay your concerns that the site might close down with my book being launched, it did not. Then because of school the site might be shut down, nope I am keeping it up. One more year has just been paid for. Thanks to the sales of the book!
So where is the site going well right now it is going to a stable platform for my transition and the timeline. I am going to be trying to add information as I find it. I will try to add other information as I can.
I would like to add a bit of plump to this post. There has been something I have been seeing around in the community and that is running before you walk. Stepping out of the shadows is a big deal. It takes a lot of courage and there are a lot of risks that we are not ready for. In the attempt to be our true-selves we sometimes forget to take small steps. We overbook our lives in a rush to be what we have always felt like. So as I look at what I did and even I know I did the same running as it is normal. SO I hope that if you read this you might slow down a small bit. Enjoy every pain, smile, fear, tear and every other emotion that we were never told about. Life is a wonderful experience that does not come with warning labels. But this is a friend trying to tell you to be careful.