Want change? Act !

Well I was tell everyone a while back that I was ready to start to lose weight. Sometimes I wish my Nephew Frank was around I bet her would have me into shape in no time. But since he isn’t a good friend stepped in and changed the desire to changer to an action. I have been going to the Pool/Gym for 5 days now and I am starting to feel better. Today is my fifth day and compared to my first I swam 250m compared to about 50m.

What does this mean overall well lets take a hard look at it. I am going to lose weight and a side benefit I am going to start to feel better about myself at the same time. In case you did not know a lot of fat is not wise when going to Gender surgery. Then I have 3 amazing little kids who need me more everyday and I need to be here for them. Healthy is the way to go. Then the next thing is no more fat clothes. Lets be honest those suck unless you have a bucket load of cash.

My next goal is 300m my end goal is 1000m in one hour. I will reach that and hold there until I feel the need to push harder. I am swimming in a 25m pool and I am not a very fast swimmer right now but with the lose of weight comes a speed and muscle memory. I warned my friend once I get hooked into something I go for it and I go hard. So we both are going to reach our goals.

I am so thankful for her help that first day. You see as a Transwoman I was scared of being judged. But once again Tasmania is showing me the beauty it has. Yeah I get a few people who Cisgaze (I wrote about this a long time ago) but you know the more I am out the better younger Transwomen will have it. So instead of sitting have home wishing my friend help me Act. Give it a go.

Advertisements

Eek 2 years

2011-08-14 00-58-38.075bike-1fab5b-img_20150419_203015OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA10-5-10 Allen

I was Allen Over Robins, unhappy angry at living a life that I could not feel happy about. I have always loved my choices in life when it came to my three youngest children and my oldest Step Daughter. I made a lot of mistakes but protecting Ally was not one of them. I am going to walk away from it all to allow Ally to live for once. I am sure there is some magic that is going to follow.

Niamh and I

Hello I am Ally, I love Allen and all that he did for me and the love he had for me. The days that followed the magical moment where Allen stepped away was one of the saddest days of our little families life. But the magic that started to flow with the honesty and good people was and is something that is so very hard to describe. I would relive in a second to be where we are right now at this time.

I don’t think I was really ready to see all the changes that were about to take place after Allen said goodbye. Our life was like a little ship tossed at sea. Trying to learn how to act like a dignified woman instead of some rebellious child. There was the first days when DSC_1429the medication started to stop the noises. Oh the noise of the world to which played in the background of the darkness of the shadows to which I had to hide in was enough to make anyone cry out. But I look back now and see the smiles on my face as I started to evolve out of shadow, just so you know it takes a long time. There were bad choices in people along the way. I had to learn about a new community and good people who became close friends. The names of the ones who left as Allen walked away at like the sands of time and will be forgotten….

As time started to change my mind I began to see the beauty of love and forgiveness in a wp-1451485798985.jpeglight that had never been there before I even found it in my heart to forgive my own mother. I also had to learn the lesson of betrayal of loved ones. But all that did was build a strong bond with my remaining children that hugs and kisses cannot even explain. I started to seer the beauty of the world where I was once lost in the simplicity of it. I saw the colours of the world in ways that must have been like a child seeing the world for the first time. Ahh the smells of life also changed I started to noticed the smells of people from across the road as I passed by them as I drove. Even learning about the taste of food began to surprise me. I started to noticed my desire to be artistic had become an overwhelming force that allowed me to put pen to paper and write my first published book the Shadow of Ally (2016).

I had to learn that boobs while a defining part of womanhood I was not really ready for,  the door a few times saw to that. I was not ready for the rush of the hormones that would change my reaction to what should have been normal events TV commercials wp-1461520466793.jpgwhere the worst thing in the world. I did find a solution to those, I turned off the TV. I started to see that with the hormones and my reactions to people was a bit hard to get used to. I was very concerned that my attraction to men was going to change. As with some people that is a very big chance, but as a blessing for me it did not.

Oh then there was Hair I was not really ready for those changes. All the past in Allen’s life he hated having hair. To some point that was my

fault I can’t stand body hair, eww. But I had two learn about hair styles and taking good care of my hair that was a challenge as well. I also stopped listening to people who said they were advocates for Transpeople but when the hammer fell they were only img_20161230_110757

self-serving their own pocketbooks plus a bit of 15 seconds of fame. That was a very sad lesson I had to learn. I watched reactions to women make more and more sense to a point that it was normal to feel the way I always did. But with that came some huge blessings with the great friendship that followed. I am still very much blessed that the core of 4 stayed in my life. Those 5 friends made my walk from the shadows one of love and kindness.

The other physical changes that were talked about started to be come a reality with the connection between sex and attraction. Sadly I start to find out that I knew nothing about the world that I had entered. I had to give up on a few friends here and there. Many tears were also had that a long term relationship became very poisonous as the court procedures advanced. But as I look back on the two years I have changed in so many ways I don’t even know what it was like to look at the mirror and see the Angry man looking back at himself yet knowing his heartache that lied deep down inside. Would I change anything, I can say with a strong and resounding voice No. I am happy now and I am Me……..Niamh and I

Emails

Hello….

Look while I will answer any question that people have about being Trans. I do get a few of the Bible Thumpers who like to try to bash me up and say I am going to hell. The problem with this is some just don’t understand my answer to them. SO I hope by putting my pat answer on this way I might stop them before they waste our time by asking stupid questions or making dumb ass statements. So here is my favorite answer……

There are 667 sins in the standard bible. Two listed about men laying with men but they are part of the Old law to which the Birth of Christ ended. But in the new law it is mentioned once in a letter from Peter. Now lets also look at something that is listed both in the Old and New and that is Divorce. Wow how many people have broken this law? Then lets look at the 10 commandments, oh shit… Then lets look at the 7 deadly sins, oh boy I can smell something being burned…. Then lets look at the law of Judgement, oops they did it again…

Do you see where I am going 667 sins and people forget that when you point a finger at someone saying they are sinning they need to look at the three point back at them saying have you seen what you have and are doing?

But in the end you and you alone (if you believe) will stand in front of god for judgement of your life. Will one of the 667 sins be your undoing or will the million things you have done be your savior? Only you can answer this issue. Tell me did you see that story about the Two dads who adopted 4 children no one wanted but someone brought in to this world? Its on Ellen…. What love these men had in their hearts. So what impact will you make? What love will you share? Who will you lift up when they are down? This is your life, your choice, and only you can make an impact on the world.

Much love Ally

I like to update this answer from time to time as the wonderful things the LGBT+ communities do without being asked. I am amazed how many people are willing to pluck out the things that are convenient to them in the bible to support their hatred of others. For your information I will leave my Judgement up to my Three children who know me best and God. Though with a passion if you attack me in an email or face to face you will find out that I am really a Momma Bear and I will shred you and your arguments down to the core. I will point out your flaws in you statements leaving you wondering to whom you have picked a fight with.

I really don’t know what is worse the fact that you tell me I am sinning or the fact that you like to destroy others for your own amusement and need for your 15 minutes of fame/hate. I really don’t care and the more you push your filth in my face the more I back away from what you are saying. Truth lies in actions not words and your actions say so much….

TO parents who hate that their child is not a carbon copy of them. Get over it, what do you think you are perfect. Please…..

And to some of my family members who love to email hate my way. You don’t know jack shit about me and jack left town a while ago…..

Suicide

Suicide………….

Look I understand more than most. I know what it feels like to lose all hope and to feel like there is no other way to make the pain go away. I have been to the edge far to many times in the past. I have even been driven there by the actions of others.

But one thing now resides in my heart the simple yet very powerful Latin phrase:
Illegitimi non carborundum
“Don’t let the bastards grind you down”

I started to look at life in a different light.
I am worth more than the trouble you give me.
I am worth more than the times you break my heart.
I can find someone else who KNOWS how to love.
I can BLACK you out of my life.
I am worth it ALL.

My heart breaks now with every senseless death to suicide. Yes, life sucks and the pain is very real. But so is the love of so many who care. Please DEAR reader if this is you make the call and reach out. I know I am in Australia and these are valid numbers please if worse comes to worse dial 911 or 000 or whatever. Please….

Month 23

Wow, well I would say thing have slowed down a bit but I am not really sure. I have see a large growth in the hips and breast areas. I am not sure I have lost about 30% of my Strength. My skin is still healing from the patches and the reaction. I have seen a Huge reduction in my use of Allergy medication. Which is a big bonus, I can start to regain my clear headed views.

This past month was two years since the children and I left our home and the lifer we had. It was a shit a start to the month everything was hyper emotional and as we got closer and closer to the 10th I was feeling like I was losing everything all over again. The emotions were so strong and I was not able to really focus on what I needed to. The issue of my body having to learn about the new pills without being allergic to the delivery method. I am sure that played a big part in the structure of the burst of emotions.

My hair is looking really nice and I am loving it still learning but new styles and issues of sleeping with long hair.

Weight is still a big problem. Though i am looking at the problem as I am being just lazy and the hormones as I have not really added things to my diet. I bet once some other issues like the spring I will get a bike and start going for bike rides with the kids and that might help out.

Month 24 is coming!!!!

It is hard to think that in two years looking back so many changes and a lot of them have been very wonderful. I think that post is going to be one very big one.

Violence

Violence, is not acceptable in any form to anyone. When I created this site I had the idea that it would be a place to let others know about how my transition was going. Over time a few things have changed to the point that I was not really prepared for the amount of wonderful people that I met on a regular basis. So many from so many different social and economical backgrounds. I have been treated so beautifully by so many that when something like violence happens it is a real shock. Last night when I could not sleep I started to read some sites that I read on a regular basis. I was confronted by a story were the 13th Transwoman in the US was murdered. I can say I am very lucky in my life that the few overtly attacks on my issues of being Trans have been simplistic and not to a point where I feared for my safety since leaving our home 2 years ago.

But I wanted to draw attention to the unprepared for violence that we as Transwomen will experience in our Journey. I started to think that the numbers of 13 in 6 months is a shocker. But then I hit me that we might be missing a hidden violence and not one that is directed towards Transwomen as a whole. This form of violence we could not ever be really ready for. There is no training or protection classes that we can take to protect ourselves from. It is even a violence that is being ignored by the Media and the Governments.

This violence is directed towards women as a whole. When we Transwomen step out of the shadows we need to understand that we are going to be entering a “Man’s” world for a horrible term – sorry. But we are most of the violence that women experience is from men. As Transwomen we are telling the world we do not accept the socail construct that we are “Men” and we have always felt different. We start to look at what we do feel like and that structure and design is that of the “Female” gender. In doing so we need to understand that we are going to be doing this in a society that currently accepts violence towards women. Mayim Bialik, yes the woman from The Big Bang Theory and other shows as well as a Phd. Addresses a lot of the hidden violence that women face everyday. Her YouTube channel that I linked in her name is a great place to review what I am talking about.

Transwomen need to understand that not all violence is directed towards us because we are Trans. In fact we need to take a deeper look into the realm of what women face everyday. It sould not be a shocker that we might not get a job because not only we are Trans we need to look at the fact it might even be part of the hidden violence towards women as a whole. That a large amount of men look and act as if women are below them and now you have willingly entered into this social group / construct. We have are then in some mens eyes equally available for said violence coupled with the hatered of us for giving up the “Male” privlidge. Yes, I understand that a small minority of this voilence might come from the hands of other women. But we must look at the fact that Cis-women also have to face the truth of that as well.

What is the solution i really don’t know….I know that does sound bad but this is the point where we must start to trust in the hands of strong Cis-women who are currently fighting for their fundimental rights and the right not to be abused by anyone at anytime. We must start to actively stand with them in their fight after all their win is our win aqs well. If we have children we need to start to turn off the TV and turn on our brains. Only show shows and movies where women are Strongly portrayed in positive ways. This does not just mean Wonder Woman or Super Woman / Girl. We need to allow our child to watch shows where women like Bailik are protrayed as Super Women! Then and only then will we start supporting the real change that needs to take place.

If you ever hear that intellectualism is of the Devil. Throw a book at them, and tell them to read it and then tell them that thanks to an Intellectual they can read something that was written in the first place.