Choices that we make

This year number 48 is over. I have seen some amazing things that a lot of people will never be able to. I have stood on the tops of mountains and seen the glory of mother earth. I have seen the beauty of humanity in the eyes of a child who has lost everything. I have fed the homeless, given shelter to the broken hearts, I have saved a life more than once, I have given hope when it was needed and I have loved.

Where did you go last year of your life? What did you do? What mark did you leave on this world? Did you help someone?

Well now my 49th year on mother earth is here and it has been a ride and a half to start. My best friends in the whole world gave me the best present I could have ever been given. That present cost them nothing but rewarded me plenty. They gave their time. I call these friends the Five. But their weight in gold is much more than money will every buy. When I have been at my lowest the five have been there. When I thought all was lost the 5 lifted me up. I know Karma is a thing we say sometimes to comfort ourselves when we think there needs to be justice. But I say this about Karma she does not act like that. She only repays what you put in. I can’t wait for every day to be a blessing. My cars tyre was slashed. But I walked to see my children get on the bus to go visit the other home. Then I walked back. That was a very hard walk 13k’s with bad knees. But I saw some beauty as I smiled at others who passed. Then they smiled as well. I saw birds, wallabies, and mother nature reclaiming what belonged to her in the first place.  It was a lovely walk. What a great way to start the year.

 

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spare a quick thought

This Sunday I was in our local paper. Link

While responding to a question someone asked I gave a few stats and while I was in the shower. It dawned on me my numbers were possibly wrong. We know that right now the current world population sits somewhere between .03-.05% of those who are Transgender and that number is growing.

But I left something out and it shocked me when I noticed it. Currently due to the attacks by the US government towards the Transcommunity there has been a huge increase of suicides. That number has risen to 41% and is expected to continue. This is due to the attacks that are created by the Religious Right but supported by the Government as well. So with that set of numbers we should look at the possibility that the true amount of World population might be closer to 1% if the suicides were to cease.

But what we are also seeing here is a number that is missing and that is being 1 Transperson a week is being killed in the US. There is an untold number being killed in a other countries as well. What we could be seeing is a government  (the US) allowing wholesale discrimination and a group in society that is possibly being reduced if not eliminated.

Just something to think about….

Being Trans

Hello….

Lets start this post by saying the following. I believe being trans is a journey of discovery. I was asked a question in my email. About if I thought it was real and right that children receive treatment for being transgender. So here is my reply……

Thank you for your question. While I sense that you are asking it is because you are struggling with the answer you have. Then thought it would be best to ask someone. So once again thank you for asking me. Many people think that the Transcommunity wakes up one day and says hey I am Trans.

Well in a way we do I will speak from my life and point of view. I was six years old when it all started. My generation was not as switched on as the children are now days. I was in the bathroom and very upset that my penis was bothering me. I did not tell anyone because I did not really know how to express the feelings. I was also very angry that my sisters got to look so pretty and I was dull. Once again my dads was a mans man. As the years went on this confusion got worse it stayed until I started treatment.

But somewhere along the life’s journey I had children. One was born challenged mentally more than the others. Then I made a huge mistake and lost touch with that child. Life moved on and so did I. I got remarried and had another few children. One was born with Club foot. She could have grown up and lived a okay life. But kids can be as cruel as the real world. So, my ex and I took the advice of doctors and got her help. Which she needed to have. But that was fixed, It took years. Now that child has turned out to also have Dyslexia. So, now I work hard on helping my child understand how to work with Dyslexia.

Do you see where I am going with this. I was born challenged as well. I am not angry about being different but life could have been better if my parents would have listened and cared. But times were different than they are now and so was the medical profession. I watch children now who have the same challenges that I started to see when I was 6. But now these children have the power to talk about what is going on.  The medical profession has also grown on many different areas not just Trans-Health issues. But somewhere they started to see that the quality of life could be lifted if the right help was given. There is a few shining examples of this quality of life. But the one I know most of all is Jazz Jennings. The journey that not only she went through but what her parents went through is very well documented. I am more than sure they had their concerns as well for the future of this little person. But like my daughter, my ex and I took steps to give her a better life. Yeah there were questions, a lot of them. There were also some tears and anger as well. But never at our child more as to why we did not really understand how this could have happened. But we got over it and focused on our child and still do. When this same child fought suicidal thoughts we did not give up. We fought those demons together with her.

You see times change and so does our collective understanding that we are not all alike. So when it comes to healthcare for children who are Transgender we need to take a step back and think what is best for the child’s quality of life. Remember that 41% of people who are Transgender have succeeded or attempted suicide. I am a survivor of many attempts. But if we can save 1 life through medical help is that life worth it? As a survivor, yeah I think it is. As a parent who has a child who fought the demon as well. I can say without a shadow of a doubt every life is worth trying to save. So if a pill stops the pain, confusion and then saves a life. Why not do it? That child does not care about God nor how many people might hate them for being different. What they care about is stopping the chaos.

I hope my answer helps you understand why medical help is needed. I lived with the chaos for 40 years. If you ask one of my closest friends who knew what I was going through. She would tell you that at times it was very bad. Then she would tell you how I have changed and the difference HRT has made in my life. She would also say that my quality of life has also been better on HRT. Is it my solution, yes. Is it everyone’s solution I don’t know but that is for them and a doctor to look at. I wish you all the best…

Ally

Most of the time….

Most of the time it is a big block that stops me from writing. Not this time, it is just a lack of desire to let the creative juices to flow onto paper. Its not over not by a long shot. I just need to breathe from the chaos and confusion of my book “The Choice” I have never been so confused on if I am going the write way with a story. I spend time telling my children stories all the time. But this story I just so confused if I have the right path. I think it is very good but I want better than good I want great if not amazing to read.

My last post hinted at something exciting is coming and that it is. I am not going to let that cat of the bag so to speak.  So hang in there it is coming. I Promise….

Busy much?

Bad Hair

Well, yes….

I just finished a wonderful day of doing something else I never thought I would do. I spent a few hours enjoying talking to Doctors about what it is like being Trans. This was done to help them be more in touch with understanding the issues that surround the Transcommunity. I was so impressed by these young and upcoming doctors. They asked questions that most would be to scared to ask. Oh if I could do it more often I would be so happy.

I am still part of the Human Library of Launceston who this year just hit there 10 year mark. If I could stress something in my little blog is for you to take the time and join the Human Library in your town. If you don’t have one, start one. The only way out of Ignorance is through Education.

I have met a ton of hate this past few months. What is so sad is that most of these people who like to express their hate waste their breath on me. I brush it off like dust on my shoulders. I had a Doctor who did not like that I was Trans and my children are with me. Do something very shocking and reprehensible. My youngest Daughter who has been dealing with demons after being sexually assaulted a number of years ago. She was suicidal and I started to get her assistance. But this doctor even with evidence in the form of a written letter from a Therapist called Child Services. Who then called me accusing me of not taking care of my child. I had to defend myself and show proof I was doing everything I could for my child.

angry man

Talk about being treated like I was a bad parent without evidence. The MAN on the phone kept telling me that this was a serious issue and that I needed to take it seriously. It was all I could do from having a come to Jesus meeting with this man. I had to remain calm and present the evidence and contact details of her Therapist. Oh it can be so hard sometimes. I so wanted to grab the man and tell him what it is like when your child tells you they feel like ending it all. Not to mention that my Ex and I are in a shared care agreement. Both of us should be doing all we can for our child. But to this man that shit did not matter it was my fault even though I had already done what needed to be done.
There is so much unseen trauma that surrounds the Sexual Assault of a child. Not only in the child but in the parents. While I might not care for my Ex and her actions these days. I know the pain we both suffered in seeing our child hurt to this extreme. Her battles have taken a toll on us in many ways as we struggle to be there for our child. I see some many of the adults who were once children who suffered at the hands of demented priests (pedophiles). Who have scars so very deep that it has ruined some of their lives. Some have even ended their lives due to the actions. Now these monsters are only slapped on the wrist but that is only my anger showing.
It hurt so much to have this man treated me like shit. All because a doctor did not like me. I really had to look at what took place before the call and who we involved in our lives. This doctor was the only new person who knew very little about our family. I saw her a few days ago while seeing my personal doctor and that doctor could/would not even look me in my face. What makes me so upset is that there is no way to prove it was her. Because child services don’t give out that information to protect the reporter. In someways that is good but as in this case that doctor needed to be retrained.

What many don’t understand is that I tried several times as a child to end it. My parents were all to blind to see something was really wrong. In fact they did not even notice that just a little love and listening without judging could have helped. It took years to address my problems without help from my parents.
My soul ripped apart when I heard my own daughters words. I knew that I had to do what my parents never did. I listened, listened and listened again to everything she needed to say. I got her help where I could not help. I have picked up my child held her comforted her while tears of pain rolled down both our faces. I have watched her sleep, hid knives, power cords were shortened, cleaning products were hidden, medicines were hidden and even slept with my eyes wide open. I would do it all over again if need be. What has this event done for my daughter and I, it brought us closer together. I told her about my past and the feelings that we shared. I told her together we can overcome the pain. We talk ever night about how things are going for her. I listen and listen again. I let her tell me about the monsters in her life. Then I tell her the tips to beating the monsters.
Where are we at now, there is always a bright light at the end of every tunnel. We just need to make sure it is not the train. But for my Daughter it is the sun light of being loved and cared for.

yctun4

I have also dealt with the anger from my Ex for things that make no sense. I really felt sorry for my attorney/friend. He had the full anger of my frustrations dealing with her.

I don’banging head into wallt know why she wastes so much energy of hating me. She knew what happened to my mother and how she poisoned her body with so much hate. I would hate to see her end up like my mother years down the road never really knowing what happiness is. I have learned to document everything. All the rants and nutty things that go on. I make sure I even keep my receipts from shopping. Just in case she tries to say I am not feeding them. She is always trying to find problems where there are none. She even goes so far as telling my daughter tell your counselor about that (that being almost anything that she wants to make into a mountain). That’s great make our daughter look like she has got more problems than what she does. She keeps trying to convince the children to live only with her. Well anyone with two eyes cans see that is never going to work as long and she keeps acting like this. At about 10 kids start seeing the truth in adults. They tell me everything even when I don’t want to know. Like how her boy has said he uses their mum’s boobs as pillows. What a piece of (BEEP) telling a kid that, it is kinda creepy…

Then finding a new school for my son who is going into High school. Wow what a event august baby 042.jpgthis has been. Working my ass off doing that. I am so proud of him. He has been working so hard on getting his grades up. He has also played a big part in choosing the school that was best for him. I trusted him as we went through the process of the choice. He interviewed all the schools writing down the Pro’s and Cons to each only asked questions that would help him choose. In the end I think he made the right choice for his future. Gosh it feels like he was just a baby a few years ago. Now I have a young man in my home.

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It seems like that every job I go for and that I am more than qualified for. When they meet me, I must have a huge “personality” that scares them into not wanting me on their team. I am sure you can read in between the lines on that one. Because it is against the law to discriminate based on Gender and Sexuality.

But they would never do that, would they….

 

So yeah, my writing has taken a bit of a back seat. I would say I am sorry but I am not sorry. So much going on that has put a big cork in the creative side of my writing. Trust me the ideas are flowing but not onto paper.

I am sorry there is a delay in the latest book.

Hello my readers…….

I know I said I would be posting more but life sometimes throws a monkey wrench here and there. Sometimes the bounce back can take time. Well I am back at it again.

I am still sitting at 70,000(ish) words in the the book called The Choice. But after a bit of Grounding (if you are not sure what that is, take the time and read about it) I have started to rewrite a few chapters. I have also added in something I am going to ask the reader to do while reading the book. It took me forever to write a Foreword. I have the story always in my head and I want it be special. So we will see if I can make it happen.

More updates as I can do it, you know life is fun sometimes. Remember be kind to one another, there is to much hate these days.