Gender Dysphoria (GD)

Well most people don’t understand this and many think that it is something that proves that Transgender community have a mental illness. To a point that is correct when learning about GD. When I was young at about 12 I started to have problems with GD. There are a lot of the Transgender community who also at this age started to have issues with it as well. GD can be very scary and life threatening if ignored. Treatment for GD varies in many ways. Some such as myself would have benefited from regular counseling as well as Hormone blockers.
Hormone blockers are not as scary as many might think. What they do is very simple they find the body’s pause button. Then press it until such time that the solution can be put in place. Those solutions can be proceeding with HRT or SRS (gender reassignment surgery).

Though this is not always a cure all. Such as the case with myself while when I was young I was not able to look in the mirror as it was very emotionally painful to do so. Thanks to HRT I can now look in the mirror without issues. But at the same time I still have a body image issue that I am not 100% okay with. No, it does not have anything to do with SRS. What it has to do with is that fact that I don’t like what I see in the mirror about my weight. So I know what your thinking “Yeah so many women and men have that”. When you have GD it is a bit more extreme. For me I stopped once again looking in the mirror as I could not deal with what was looking back at me. So I made the choice to do more and eat less. I was at a Jiu-jitsu class and they took a photo afterwards. Yup I looked at it and boom back to being that 12 year old kid.

So what is my solution? Well This week I started a diet my first diet ever that is structured. I am going to be doing a zero sugar and low carb (Keto) diet. Since black coffee is RIGHT out (ew), I will be drinking lots of Herbal Tea. Then a bunch of water while increasing the output of energy. Sunday I worked very hard at try to get the spring mowing done. I was hoping that today I was going to be able to get the front yard done, it rained.

Will this work? Eek, I am not sure. But I need to feel better about my physical body. My emotional health is great right now. In fact it is the best it has been ever. That says a lot if I can lose this weight I can’t see it hurting my emotional health. In fact it will make me a candidate for SRS. You see you have to be a healthy weight for that. So with Jiu-Jitsu and the diet I am sure in about 3-6 months things will be on the right path. Then my GD that has been causing me a few new problems will be gone. If the GD is not we will address those issues when we get to it.

BTW this is Day one…….No Coke look out world…….lol

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Well I have been hinting

So is this the day I tell you what is going on……Hmmm Close very close I want to keep you interested. So I will give you something to think about before we launch 100%. In telling you this I will be creating a wind of change. Which that is just it, change it is the only constant in the world. Without further suspense….. if you are ready to have a peak take the look at…..

 

www.human-roadshow.org

Strength check

Hello everyone,

Well is you have been listening to the wind and to my posts. I met a new friend Rona Fry, this was just a random meeting. I was surfing Facebook and out of the corner of my eye I saw Northwest Women BJJ (BJJ stands for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). I followed there link for my Daughter Niamh who has been concerned about Boys in BJJ as they are a bit to rough. There is an issue that my Daughter is still having problems from her Sexual Assault a number of years ago. So I looked at this group thinking maybe, just maybe it might be her saving grace in BJJ. The more I read and talked with Rona I was thinking this might be the place for Niamh to have a go. Long story short, it was a very wise choice.

But then something happened……

I give Rona a huge amount of credit for building a wonderful club full of caring women and filled with understanding. I have always been of the mindset if you like something use it, support it or it might be gone. One night Rona and I were talking and she invited me to join them next week. Now I tried and tried to think of a way to get out of this offer. Not because I was scared or worried about the long term effects. I tried to get out of it because I knew that while I had lost 30% of my muscle mass (which took a lot to do) I was still very strong. This concerned me as I did not want to hurt another person. Plus on top of it I really have an issue with Transwomen in sport.

My problem with being a Transwoman is not that my mindset is different it is that even after losing a lot of muscle mass. There is 70% that is well developed. The muscle structure between those who have Testosterone and those with Estrogen is vastly different. This is why drug testing in the Olympics for women involves testing for increased levels of Testosterone. The muscles that are affected by Testosterone are more fibrous. In such this type of muscle tends to be stronger. Even after 3 year of HRT the issue is that I have a lot of strength. Now I know that I look fat and that it is very hard to notice that you might not be able to see how strong I still am it is noticeable on the Mat in BJJ. While if I was sparing with a man I would be weaker (a lot). So I reside in a place like Limbo that while is not one it is not the other as well.

I really tried to take my concerns to Rona and gave her the choice to resend her offer as I was very concerned. She assured me that it would be okay. So, I trusted and last week I had my first lesson on the mat. In the past I have enjoyed a different art form (Taekwondo). I have had to stop myself from using those learned skills as they have been coming back because the difference is not to let you get me on my back. BJJ is I am going to take you to the mat and I am going to win. With week one done I was a bit sore as I have been working hard to lose the muscle mass. Well this week I was also ready I took precautions to make sure I was not as sore as last week (Bahaha, I am a DORK!).

When I sat on the mat there was this wonderful woman who I have seen in action who I also respected because of her ability. Well I was teamed up with her and I asked her not to go to easy on me. I am that type of person who does not like half-assed attempts. If we are going to do it give me your all or don’t come and play. Well to say I am sore right now is such a lie. Oh I am so sore from the top of my neck to my arm that has limited feeling. I woke up today with my left arm feeling like it weighed a ton (dead arm). Now for those of you who don’t know in 2002 I lost all feelings of normality in that arm. My nerves are shot big time from a blood poisoning event that took place that almost killed me.

So next week I will be at it again… 3rd week in a row. I am also going to be starting a Keytone diet to lose the fat that came as a result of not doing anything to lose the muscle mass. I did have a plan to do it before now. But being on the front page of the newspaper looking like a blimp has been the fuck me running point. I will now lose this weight as I am doing 20 other things at the same time. Gosh who needs a partner like I have time for that, lol.

Okay getting to the point. I don’t buy it that these Transwomen who are athletes that used to resided in a culture of strength are the same as Cis-women in strength. I have worked hard to lose my muscle mass. To look at what I can still do. Hmm I am no sport person, trust me I am NOT. But on HRT for 3 years and the wonderful woman who I spared with tonight even said I was still very strong. Mind you she was no wimp, kept me on my toes that was sure. Then the teacher Rona is also another amazingly strong woman. You can’t tell it when you look at her but wow. You would be a fool to piss off these women of BJJ. #respect

I am hooked and will be going back for more…My suggestion is I don’t care if you are Trans or Cis learn to defend yourself. There are those assholes out there who don’t like Women or Transwomen. Better to be safe than sorry. Really sorry for the hand slip that result in a minor slap to the face, Mon. Gosh I felt so bad for that….Huge amount of respect I can’t say it enough.

Thanks to the new Australian PM

stop

Dear readers this week in Australia our new PM did something that should outrage anyone with a drop of kindness in their hearts. In fact it has taken me a bit to respond as finding the right words is so very hard. But before I shat what the PM said I am going to share something I want you to read. I want you to understand why I do what I do. When you are ready hit the fact button (warning this is going to shock you). BTW it opens a new tab or window, comeback when you are done reading.

 

fact

So now I better share what our new PM (who has been in less than a couple of weeks) has said.

pm said what

BTW if you don’t like what I have say Fuck the Right Off… I am blunt as a stick so deal with it on this post.

Mr. PM look at the numbers before before attacking children. You fucking over privileged low life scum. We are trying to save lives and help children avoid the trauma that so many of us have lived. So until walk one step in our shoes shut up. I get the idea of appealing to the lowest disenchanted voter, we are not stupid. But due to direct actions leaders like Bump-a-Trump we  seen an increase of the Suicide rate of youth in my community. Under Obama we saw a reduction in the numbers as my community in the US started to see hope. But that is gone now replaced by increased youth Suicides and adult Murders. Now Mr. PM sir you have taken a page out of that Monsters handbook and gone on an attack of the youth who are Transgender or feeling “Different”.

I don’t think you really know or understand the full impact of your words or your attack. While I agree parents need to be making the call on issues like this. In a 24 hour day we trust teachers to lead our children to a better future, respect them! Next those same teachers are the best protection for our children. As a parent who was told by the school “Your daughter is thinking of Suicide” they saved my daughters life. Just think if my child’s schools hands were tied and they were not allowed to talk about that. Yeah you are starting to see what it is like being Transgender or Different. There is nothing like being at a school where people hate you just because. Then to go home to be hated.
I am a survivor of Abuse that most would never or have survived. It lead me to the door of Suicide attempts because there was no one to help me. Mr. PM this is what I am talking about in your comments. So yeah I am fucking angry, in fact I am down right dirty on anything you say or do from this point onward. In fact I don’t see a way for you to get out of this hole with me.

One last thing from me sir…

while I support your right to you beliefs 100%. It is so very difficult for a dead child Strait or LGBT+ to do anything. Your attack could cost lives just for a few voters. Wash you hands clean of that stain. I doubt the blood will come off so easy.

We are trying to save lives, get on board or get out!

 

OUCH, lol BJJ

You know you meet good salt when they are willing to give you a go with no pressure. Rona Fry thank you for tonight. It was such a pleasure. I learned a lot and a new respect for the amazing women of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ). The mentality behind the women’s side of the sport is an eye opener. From the stand point that if a person (normally a man) got you down on your back what would you do. I started to think about this with my daughter and how to give her the best chance to protect herself.

Tonight I was invited to give BJJ a chance. Now I am going to say something that some people might disagree with and I have three words for you (I Don’t Care). Since starting my hormone treatment 3 years ago I have lost 30% of my muscle mass. Wow that was an eye opener. But tonight I was so concerned that I am still very strong and that I can be an imposing figure. In an all women’s class of BJJ I did feel a bit out of place while still feeling a bit safer than in a normal club.
I did offer the instructor a second chance to resend her offer to me and I would not be offended as I know my own strength (sort of). I needed to make sure that I kept it in check as I disdain hurting another living soul. But I can see knowing these skills is a good idea as to help me protect myself as not everyone likes me or my issues of being Transgender (like I have a choice).
But this wonderful woman would not let me back out of it (rats). Next thing I knew that I was on the mat enjoying the reminder that my body is beat and old. But I loved every second of it even as I cramped up from not using those muscles in a very long time. I am still very concerned that I am Trans and that my muscles are more fibrous and thus the remaining 70% is still a lot to be reconsidered. But this wonderful person proved to me that what I thought was to be a concern was nothing as she took my left shoulder and with my permission put me into a Triangle hold that did wind me a small amount.

Knowing my years of work with another art form we had a good conversation about a few moves and different ways to escape what I once thought was damn near impossible to get out of. Wow was it fun! SO yeah I am going back even though I am a bit sore. But it feels good to be alive. I would also suggest that others Women and Transwomen take the time and get on the Mat.

There is an old saying…

There is an old saying “If you don’t plan you plan to fail”. As many people might know I support Jiu-Jitsu. There was a huge reason I started to love this sport. The first being that one of my GREATEST friends on the whole world asked me to allow him to help my daughter who at the time was 9. She was going through a hard time years later after a sexual assault. I am a person who does not really support violence in any form. It sickens my heart to be a part of it. Reluctantly I thought I have tried everything else to help my child regain her mental strength.

Now lets forward 2 years. My youngest Daughter & her 2 Brothers have become really good at a sport I did not think they would even enjoy. As a parent I have also seen a huge change in the ways my children have grown. What used to cause my daughter to cower no longer does. She has regained some of her inner power. This was all because of one Dojo and a wonderful man who pestered me to let him try to help. Don’t get me wrong my little girl is still a girl to the core and will always be. This year she took the next step in her training and chose to go to an all girl Dojo.
The reasons for this was women train differently then men do. They understand the feeling of a different Threat. A threat that most men will never know or experience. One that even I never really understood until my transition. That fear of someone walking behind them. I started to think as I watched these wonderful young ladies learning to defend themselves. This was the best choice I have made in a  long time. I looked at my daughter growing and knowing herself once more. I have listened to the stories of other women who have fought hard to regain their own mental power and bodies back. Some of them have been horrific to say the least.

So now to the point, take the time and learn defense. Learn learn learn not to become a victim. Learn not to stay a victim. Learn to fight back to a level where you walk away with your dignity. Teach you children the same. We are not building warriors we are building strong and powerful humans who know great sportsmanship who develop friendships. Who learn to understand that there is an important part of life and that is being a good winner as well as being a good loser. Jiu-Jitsu is not just a art form of defense. It becomes a lifestyle that invades every part of your life. There are clubs open for one and all there are clubs like the one my Daughter is involved in that are Women only (transwomen are welcome). They are out there! get involved i’m going to be starting next week…..

Here are some photos of what I am talking about.

 

The above is a women’s only for Little Ladies in Launceston Tasmania.

Kaos Dojo above is in Launceston Tasmania where my children got there start. (RESPECT!)

The above is all women BJJ club in Launceston Tasmania. Which can be found on Face book at the following LINK

In the end this is not only about having a sport and a go. It is about saving lives. Get involved it does not matter if you belong to an LGBT+ community. There is no cost that is wasted on personal safety. Roses come with thorns so you respect their beauty.

something BIG this ways comes

Soon……. I know, I have kept you waiting…….Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

So now you are wanting to know what it will be. One book, Two book, three book or something more. Sometimes Silence is golden, sometimes it can be the messenger of something grand. Where this will take us I only know.

Hint hint I hear people beg…. though it falls on deaf ears. I am always busy doing this or doing that, a project here or there. But never idle never far from a passion.

See you soon…….