Please let me twist your ear to enlighten your heart. We are the broken hearts, we long for the love that will fill our days and comfort our nights. We watch all the shows, as well as the couples passing by. They that get held as we the alone cry. Time will come so they say, we perfect our hearts day by day. For the sun to rise our hearts to swell. We will walk out of this alone and what seems an endless hell. Love grasps our hands a new story to tell.

The misadventures of Tucker and Fin

I was trying to find something a little lighter to write about yet still be a transwoman issue or something similar about my life. Please enjoy the following.

While walking with a girlfriend we came up on hiding the sausage and beans aka Tucking.  While I am not going to tell you how to do it.  The following does happen. Sometimes it can even make a sound.  Every transwoman knows that feeling just before it happens. The sinking feeling of the dreaded pop.  Yup you guessed it one of the beans has come loose. The next part to the misadventure is the feeling that you have willingly just reached down in your throat and grab you own Balls and pull. It is at this point you start to understand just how fast you can find a way to hide and adjust the issue.

Mind you there is something worse than the Tuck giving you a wake up call. It is the point the you have gotten dressed and are ready for the evening and are just about to step out with your best friend or partner has pointed out that you have come completely untucked and surprise there is a lump in the front.

Lets not forget the fun of tucking to begin with the “first tuck” OMG my balls have just been squished what the hell was I thinking.

Hmm taping is an idea……Yeah lets take a sensitive part of the body ad some adhesive to it and then later take it off hoping that it does not hurt, Bahahaha. No I have not tried that.

Smaller undies that does help a bit and less change of causing a rash. Until the first problem I talked about.

Oh the walk of the untucked surprise where it looks and feels like Big foot in a dress.


The fun of tucking……..

The meeting today

Well if life was not tough enough right now I have to meet with my attorney to sort out a few issues that have shown up in the last few weeks. This is going to be fun and $$$ but I still maintain my attorney is one of the best I have ever met. Such a good attorney that does not try to rob you blind and will tell you when you should not do something. I just cannot say enough about his skills and personality. On a plus side VERY LGBT friendly the whole staff from Anna at the front door to the little Barracuda in heels.  The little Barracuda in heels, well I have had the pleasure of having my ass protected by this fantastic little pocket rocket, She will eat them up and spit them out can’t wait to see what she does in the future as she is still young.

Ok enough said about my attorney…..

If anyone has had such problems with the ex-to-be issues or similar problems from Ex’s please I would sure use to advice on how to combat the issues of “your dad (me) is a liar” or “it’s your dads fault”. The only way I have been doing it has been to point out the fact that they are cared for and loved. I do not want to play games like that as I don’t think that is very healthy for children. But I know I am not the first nor will I be the last on this issue. So I am hoping that someone might have some strong wisdom that I can learn from and might help out. Please if you are going to waste time with hate filled ideas I am not going to address them. Last night the children were talking to the ex-to-be and she said duhto them doesn’t your dad play music like I do at home. Gabriel the smart boy he is did not bite at the attempt he just changed the subject cause she forgets that I am the one who has the Huge music collection. It would be like having tons of dust collectors. Yeah right, I get in to trouble with them for playing some old stuff a bit here and there plus I get the Bed time music requests all the time.


friendsI always wondered if members of the LDS faith can be just friends with members who had left for one reason or another. Well by and by I am finding that the members here in Australia or at least in Tassie don’t have that issue.which is really nice to know. Though I have read read continue to read of people that have left for one reason or another being shunned by members 99% of them are in the US, the only thing that keeps popping up in my mind is that “Pride comes before the fall”

I was doing some soul searching this weekend after all the attacks of the past week. IRoolercoaster needed to do a Six check and make sure I am doing what is best for the children. This was very hard and a good friend reminded me that I needed to look at all the blessings that are in my care and all around us day in and day out. Once I started looking at that I  noticed that I was missing a simple fact. That at the base of it I would not give up one second of the time I have with the children for one second of carnal gap filler. That in the end I am healing myself and coming to terms with being at peace with ones own soul takes time and emotional health is going to have its ups and downs. Though at the time I am feeling a down the truth is I am very blessed and most of the downs are really just dips and not the fall / crash of the roller coaster ride.


Back to the Diet it again. This time I am going to do it wiser with the help of a friend we women walkingare going to start walking after school starts everyday. I did say walk there is no way in hell I am going to start running as these boobs hurt enough with out needing to run with them, lol. Once again I am going to cut back on sugars and see what happens I know that to some point I am going to have to keep the fat intake up for issues like boob growth and fat redistribution. I am going to have to change the veggie intake as well. Might even look into a swim membership for the children and I (hmm that sound like a great idea!)


Well this needs to end so I want everyone to please remember to be Kind to one another….

Making choices

Hello and have a wonderful day!

I was talking to a friend last night as we went over the things I am trying to teachaward my children. I am trying to make sure that the morals that all the other children in out family have had to live under don’t change. As well as some that I have found to be so very important. I was told once again how very special our children are. How lucky I am to have them in my life.

Well despite this past week having so many ups and downs we have pulled through it just like the champs we are. I forget that seeing my children day in day out tends to place blinkers on me thinking I have to work on this and that with them. But after conversations and friends and other who meet our children all seemed to be very amazed that they are not brats.

The children started school this week. With all of there teachers some new some I have known from last year. I can’t say enough praise from St. Finn Barrs School. They last year went the extra mile with our family and helped out so very much with all of the fees and uniforms. I am even more amazed with how they asked me to come in and meet with all the teachers to explain “Transgender” and my life. I look back and after talking with those that are like myself this was such a rare thing to have done none of us have ever seen this happen. If you have not figured it out that our children attend a Private Catholic School this make what took place that much more amazing.

Now to be honest I still get the funny looks from those who have not taken the time to get to know me. But from many of the teacher who have met me even during the summer holiday when we bump into them I am treated with respect and kindness even if the children are not with me. I will not say this is because my children are at treat school. It is more like these are wonderful people. Who just happen to be teaching my children.

I was reading in one of my many Facebook groups that someone posted an offer for any homeless Transperson who need a place to help get them on their feet they would be happy to help. Then I said if some one was needing to be fed my home always is a place to get a meal. I am amazed at how many so-called Christians are not will to go this far, yet verbally attack others. I think they are missing the point of the many teachings.

open-clip-art-book-open-clip-artRemember I am starting to work on my Transition book soon I will be adding my 5th month on HRT and what has been going on. so keep an eye on the “My Book” section.

Remember be kind to one another!


The Run


What did you and your children do tonight? What memories did you make? What lesson did you teach?

Well we have done a bread run tonight! if you never have done one give it a go. Times are hard for some people. Just a simple loaf bread can make a persons day. It can also make the difference between feeding you children something or nothing. So we took about an hour and built a memory that taught a lesson of love. We came home with smiles. A year ago this next week we were not enjoying our life as we should have been. If you would have seen our family you might have said “why are they so sad”. Now people see us and We shine like beacons of light even in the brightest day. I sure do love these days.

Gabriel did the first drop and the courage was simple and amazing to behold. He did not even give it a second thought. I love all of these guys. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for them.

This is OUR year!

Did you know……

As a parent I tell my children on a regular basis that they are special, beautiful and loved. I love their reactions to these simple yet magical words. I love watch people being Trans I tend to challenge the norms of society. But are we as society missing what should be the norm. To be this video speaks more than words ever do. I was amazed at this video and though I would share it with you

People are funny

I spent the last two days coming to terms with the past. Please let me explain, years ago I had my heart broken by one of the most amazing persons I ever knew. In fact it was so painful the way she broke my heart to this very day I have never been able to fully heal the wound. You get to that point when you love someone so very much that when they leave there is a HUGE void. So this gaping hole was in my heart knowing that i must have done something or we did something that made her leave. Over the years I have only brought it to one simple reason that I was not true with my own self.
As many of my readers know my marriage has ended and it did not end on the best of terms. I thought this person was my soul mate the one person who I could count on when all of life is not accountable. Please don’t get me wrong I am not angry that the marriage ended. I am hurt over how it ended, even still hurt that when I read things you find out it was ending before it ended, but that part is sealed in my memories and in time I will deal with those actions. I am sure that many people have felt this horrific pain of loss. I just never knew it would purposely ended the way it did. So that the new wounds lie on top of an old wound that never really healed because the other party wanted to cause more pain.
This week some of the wound came back to cause some pain once more. Over the choice of running away. I always thought that Nothing and No one could cause a pain so bad to another person that could make that person run. That was until I did, I ran and kept running until part of that wound healed. It took close to 15 years to heal it but I did. Then choices of others trying to lay a new fresh wound on top of the old wound hoping that I would have repeated those old actions. This time I sank my heels into the ground and said NO I AM STRONGER THAN THAT. I felt some of the old pain that I ran from come to the surface and needed to be addressed. I learned to say I am sorry to someone I hurt when I ran. I don’t know if she will forgive me, time will judge my hopes on that. With age comes wisdom, and a willingness to say sorry and a strength to do it as well. I think I could ahave avoid all the pain in my life by being true to myself, though I would never have been in the wonderful place I am at this time in my life.

Over this week I have found some more amazing people who have entered into my life. Who did not Judge me, who did not care, and who simply said you matter. I have spent the last couple of days just enjoying their company. I am amazed of the people who I have started to surround myself with over the years. I have this core of friends, no they are more than friends they are Family who mean more to me than the person we left. IT should have never been this way. but we all make choices. I love each and every one of my core Family I am starting to expand my life in such a way that when i base it off of “who are ok for my children to know” and the examples of my core “family”. I know I am making the right choice.

I was getting a drink today from a person I met a few days ago at the Australian day event the children and I went to. We had a small chance to talk. I need to address something that has happened a lot…. It is not her fault it is just the way people think. On Australia day I was dressed VERY casual, that if something happened and it did that I would not have freaked out. That was very smart on my part.  Ok to the point I was wearing shorts and a simple tshirt nothing to big as it was a BBQ and casual.
Today I spent the morning with the group of good people and one of them said wow you look nice you weren’t dress like this a couple of days ago. I just quickly pointed out that i was just in Daggy clothes. Another person came up to me and said wow you look very nice I love your eyes. I think I have found a problem that I don’t know really how to dress down… I can dress up just fine. most of my makeup is good, not perfect but good. But twice now people think that when I dress down I am in “boy mode” so I have to figure this problem out. Cause I am doing something wrong…. I don’t have any Boy Clothes….. What am I doing wrong? I thought it was just a fluke that my EX-to-be kept saying that to the children as well. Hmm i just don’t know.

White privilege, I am amazed at how many white people don’t understand this topic much less see it at all. This week I ended up within a conversation over another topic and I brought up the simple fact that if it had been anyone other than a white person the way the issue ended would have ended differently. I got accused of being a bigot, yeah right this person never really knew me and in one minute judge me as being a bigot cause I basically said that if it had been another person other than a white it would have ended differently. I though and still do that an American white woman would be calling another person a bigot for not supporting white people. How far has America fallen when a white person calls another person who is white a bigot cause they don’t support white people. In fact my comment was not in a way that was being bigoted as to be against white people. So we got off on the issue of white privilege, the person near the end of the conversation still did not see much less understand the fact that white get more, have more, are treated differently, served better, get things cheaper, just to name a few. I was even asked to provide an example…..Um when was the last time in America was a white child shot but a police officer for playing? When was the last time was the police called to stop kids playing basket ball in the street? Um then the person had to reply with the Black lives matter riot as an example of something that I still can’t see why she did cause it proved MY point. When was the last time white people had to walk and march saying our lives matter? Then I was called uneducated…..Um…..right. The only thing I was not called was a traitor for leaving the US. Yup you can be just as confused as I am……. i just had to stop talking to a wall that could not see the very truth right in front of their face.

I am amazed that I have a problem with blushing, bloody hell it is bad! Argh! I am finding out that it is getting worse and I don’t know how to deal with it.

Family Matters the Most

Well. This is my time, our children have returned home from a visit and it is my times to enjoy a wonderful summer and stay out of the Smoke…..Yuk.


So I will try to find time but I will not promise as they are more important than anything else

Ok the real story of the day

I am going to link a show of Youtube. Please take the time and watch all of it and look at the stories inside the main story there are several different layers to this story. Since I am in Australia and this is home. I want all those who are also here to know just how lucky we are being in a country that does not demonize us for being different. Yes Australia is not perfect but it is better than where i came from……. The US has a long way to go. Gay marriage aside, that is only the bottom part of a bigger hill that needs to be climbed.

Like I said there are a lot of things going on that most might not see but I noticed. I am so thankful for the Police in Tasmania. They helped me get out of an abusive relationship. I could have gone to a women’s shelter if there would have been space for the children and I. In the end we are placed in a “Safe House” and very few people knew where it was. We were taken care of. Not one worker shunned me. I was treated with the amazing amount of respect. Yes there are scary times, yes there are times where I am alone. But in the end we are safe, we are better everyday. 2016 is going to be our year!


Something I read today by a friend……

Don’t Love what you can’t Trust
Don’t Hate what you can’t have
Don’t Say what you can’t show
Don’t Judge what you don’t know

I have only one line to add to this information is..

Say what you mean, Mean what you say

I have seen it so many times over the years. People of all walks of life, all faiths, and all races. Doing everything but this. We lie to ourselves and others.

I left the Mormon church about 10 months ago. Not due to anger, not due to disable. My reason was simple I am Trans and Women cant hold the priesthood. So I left had my name removed from the church.

In November of 2015 I was shocked by what the church did and I wrote about this in the past posts. I have seen in recent days a change in what the church is saying that “Now” Nov 2015 was given by god. Where earlier is was said it was not but that the “Brotheren” had made this choice. I have seen and heard people saying god is separating the wheat form the chaff. Call me crazy but I am not a second class person to god. I am having a hard time with Extremists in the LDS church who a couple have now shunned me…… I foresaw this coming I told a really good friend that this was going to happen. I started to see it happening to others now twice it has happened to me. People that I had been a TRUE friend to in the past and asked for NOTHING in return……

You want me to be angry, NO! You want me to be like you, NEVER! You want my Hate, you’re not worth my time! Turn your back on those of us who you deem unworthy. Cast your stones. We will stand together, our strength is more than your voices.