Tonight I was having “talkie time” with my kids who I have been doing with them for as long as I can remember. We have time to talk about anything they want. We have opened a line of communication that I never want to see close. Yes I am a Transwoman we talked and talked it over open and honest. Tonight I got into trouble for not wearing a bra by my little girl (8) told that I must wear one at all times. Oh how I love her!
I have been having a talk with my son (9) who has been very concerned about who is telling the truth. This worries me why is he asking this? So we had a talk about “why”. So we talked about how to find the truth when we are not sure as to what is the truth. We talked about actions are louder than words. Say what you mean, mean what you say. One cannot say “I am the best” when their actions speak otherwise. We looked at how people act and by those actions they shall be known. We talked about how to keep ourselves safe we talked about making choices that might confuse other. We talked about standing up for what is right even when we might lose. Being right does not always mean we will win. I am always amazed at my son he loves so much and wants to be loved. We have a bit of a talk about how we as a family have been doing over the last six months. We talked about what can be improved on. He is such a deep thinker. I can’t wait to see what he will become in the future!
I talked to my youngest son (5). Wow so much a beautiful soul. I think I have learned much more from him than he has learned from me. I don’t even know how to write about it all.
I guess my point is the following that if you want to know your children and you want to be a part of your children. TUCK them in at night, spend 5 minutes talking to them. Show up at their school, be a pain in your children teachers side making sure your are help them teach your child. Do homework with them. These are the moments that I have been doing for a very long long time. I have a bond with them that I fear nothing will harm. We are open and I know that if they need to talk to me they can.
Yeah, we as parents make errors but we are lucky if we change in time errors can be repaired.
I hope your Christmas was as good as mine filled with love of friends and family.
P.S. if you can see the movie “The Danish Girl”
Germaine Greer, I have taken the time to listen to a few of your interviews since your so called anti-trans speech. I don’t believe in speaking my mind without knowing more about your comments and having time to review them. I think you are sorely missing a point that is really out there.
I understand your point that the way some of us have had to hid is very damaging. That no amount of surgery will make a man a woman. I would like to address this in this letter to you.
Not all Trans people who hid or are hiding are bad people. What you need to address is very simple “Why did they hide”. Your current stance is not educated enough to continue. After all of the great deeds you have done, do you wish to continue to distract from them. I personally am thankful for all the hard work you and others have done. Weather or not you know it you have helped the Trans community. So for your effort I would love to tell you why I hid. I hid because I was scared the world in which we live in is not one where change is taken easy. How many of those who are in the Trans community have been bullied, murdered or even marginalized simply because we are not the same as others. I did not have the tools to make it where I was living. My church said Pray it away, marry a “normal girl” and so many faith based ideals. Let not even go into reversion therapy…. So that said, I made choices to try to be a the stereotypical real man. But at the core of it I am not a man, nor am I a woman, I am at them end of the day a Trans member of the Human race who identifies more with the female side of the gender binary.
Just like so many others in the Gender Spectrum we have good Trans people we have bad Trans people……it is that simple. Yes it is absolutely horrible that we have had to hide to survive. What choices were we given?Even more so when a person who has built everything as a man falls apart one day and kills themselves because of the pressures that the hiding cause. While I do not feel that it was right to hide, what choice was I and others given.
You give a break to those who are Intersexed as “it’s not their fault” they “were born that way” um news flash I did not wake up one day and say “crap I want to be a girl, cause life as a boy is just to damn easy” Both are Physical, Mental and Emotional issues that are not in the control of the affected people. Though each of us at one time or another have screamed in the mirror saying “I hate me”, “I hate the way I look”, “why can’t I be like” and so many other things that if you knew your child said that your heart would break. Puberty is not kind when you want your body to do something different that it is currently doing. even worse when you don’t have the skills or not safe enough to ask for the help you need. Even worse when your parents and family members find out and attack you for being “different”. My parents took me to see professionals who did not even listen to me. Told my parents I would grow out of it. Some parents took their children to reversion Therapy. Suicide is a real issue in the Trans community 1 out of 4 have tried. The numbers who have succeeded are just as shocking and they can’t even be totaled correctly as some do it before they even tell someone that there is a problem or families have hidden the real reason out of shame.
We do not “come out” later in life because we are going “look at me” though there is one who I think did that. We “came out” because we are no longer able to continue a battle within ourselves. I felt it was better to face the misunderstanding of others than to lie to them and myself that I was just as “Normal” as they were.
I feel like you also miss the base core of our day to day struggles. Those who are still hiding are fearful of their families and society. Maybe they are in love with someone who if that person knew would run away because they are living with a person who is not “Perfect” and they are just like you to close minded to love them for just them. I have seen it, felt it and lived with it. My losses for being a person who does not fit the norms that you have embraced would shock you. I was a scared little child growing up, the scars are so very deep.
I think you could do so much good here with your wonderful talents. Like I said I do applaud many of your efforts over the years, I sadly think you are a bit out of touch. Though you will not see me standing at your door with a Torch and a Pitchfork screaming for your head. I am offering you an opportunity come walk in my shoes (I have medium size feet). Come learn what my life was like. Come interview me, I think we could have a wonderful conversation. I have children who I love and care for everyday. Yes I will agree that not all of them understand or are willing to try to understand but those that do find I am still the same goofy person I have always been. I did not disown any of them.
I also think you will find that while I call myself a Transwoman I know i am not a genetic woman, I am just another person trying to make it to the end and leave a good impact on life and my children. I do wish you the best, though I would love to see you walk one mile in our shoes before you continue your current path of speaking out against us.