Number one is done and I look forward to the future ones.
All of them will be on the interview page.
Number one is done and I look forward to the future ones.
All of them will be on the interview page.
So this few months in the children’s lives without ex-to-be has been hard on us. We have been trying to find ways to pay back God for all of his blessings. The one thing that I have found that the children are like Diamonds. Follow me on this for a second Where are diamonds found? What are they worth? Here is my answers Children are found everywhere but that can only be truly reached by hard hard work. Children are worth every second that you put into them. In the end teaching them thing such as love, kindness and forgiveness will work magic and wonders beyond beliefs.
What I am talking about is the fact that at the start of this year I have made a list of goals. One of those goals to start my year was to find a way to do service ever day. Now have I been able to do so, no. My goal was harder than I though it would have been. But I have found out that sometimes things happen in the most amazing ways. I set out what I wanted to do to the universe, god, or however heard me. Shortly afterwards a friend and his wife were looking for someone to help with a bread run on Friday nights. We once a fortnight I get a load of bread dropped off for me to had out to others who might be doing life a little hard. Sometimes it is very hard to do as I am stepping outside our comfort zone. But we have been doing it for close to 2 months now and wow have I seen some amazing children who show compassion beyond anything I could have every hoped for. I tell it you is such a sight to behold when my children say lets try that house.
This last week I was really hit in the gut when a family report said I was a bad parent. I was just so shocked after all we do as a family this (beeping) person had to gall to say I am doing a bad job. Please the evidence says more that this stupid person ever could. I make sure school is attended and I continue what I have been doing for the last five years of keep in touch with my children’s teachers. Yet even though someone has not been doing it at all the last two terms. Yet I am the bad parent, stupid piss ant writer of the report. Now the attorney is going to have to really go on the attack. I was hoping that would not have to happen.
Well tonight I am going to also do some work on the about me side of my blog. I feel that expanding on this part is going to help the book a lot.
Well, what a question to ask me of all people. Hhow I can answer it……
My family for the most part have become narrow minded asses. 3 of them from what I can tell are humans and are somewhat open minded. 1 Is cool beyond the rest of them. So as far as family I would not be welcome by any of them in any way shape or form. I mean after this third strike with the in the family game of Baseball. I am going to be getting my Australian Citizenship and giving up my US. I am that unhappy with the lot of them. I thought it was bad when talking to my mum about a few things like the family was not going to tell me when one of my Parents passed away and that my mum and dad wanted it that way. To giving a Family heirloom to my Nephew that was to come to me. But hey I am in Australia so no need for a gun here. So the list goes on and on.
Well Lets look at the level of Government, SD has passed a bathroom law Link 1 which bans Students in schools, they might try a law like what was attempted in WA, Link 2. Thank god it was defeated. Look at this news Link 3 , did you look real close as to where the deaths are from? 10 in the US vs. 1 in Australia. Add that with my issues in my Family I am not so sure I would be safe around any of them bar the 3.
Well I would not trust that I could find a job……… At least here in Australia the laws are such that you have a fighting chance. Mind you I have read and heard about a few people that have won that game of Roulette.
I don’t know if you could point out that there is really a safe place from all that I read I have heard and seen a lot of violence towards Trans community in the US. Yeah I know that things here is Australia are not perfect but HELL i am safe in my home and I feel safe in my community.
Please leave it up to a the USA to come to Australia and say damn we like yours but…. Lets fuck it up completely. If I get sick I am safe, if I need my HRT I don’t have to sell a kidney for it. Healthcare cannot be refused because I am Trans or I cannot pay.
Yup you got it, I can’t see a reason why should I. There is no reason at all. Sorry I can’t do it to myself. I mean where would I end up, No money, No job, no food, no home, no friends, no family, no real healthcare, wow look at those “No’s”. Now add my children into the mix there is no way I would give up what we have here for nothing there. Sure there is Gay marriage but that cannot make up for so many negatives and if you look at the MANY churches that are trying to back state laws to revoke that in one form or another HELLO UTAH! Funny when you can link the Westbrough Baptist Church (The Haters), Catholic Curch and The Mormons all have in common. Wow I never though I would say that the Mormons and Westbrough are common allies, EEKKKK!
Now I say this all the love in my heart for this person.
(I really love this picture)
In December this beautiful little girl together with the rest of the family and neighbors rescued a Guinea Pig. So for about two weeks we had this little visitor. Christmas holiday came and the day the kids left for a visit with their mum our little visitor passed away. We nick named him Speedy, cause the little bugga was FAST!
It has been a couple of months the requests have not stopped for a replacement. There have been suggestions on many different pets. Some common Cats, Dogs, and a new Guinea Pig. There have been a few off the wall ideas Racoon, Bat, Fox. Well I am very happy that mythological beast have not been suggested. She would love to have chickens back but I think we should just avoid all new family members for a little bit longer.
Granted I am not winning any points saying no but it is the best thing I can do right now… It is so hard to say no to her……Gosh I love her!
Just a few days ago I pulled out some information from my mother and such information was quite disturbing. I think that the information was not a shock to the system as much as it could have been had I not been prepared. I think I could have approached my response to the way I was being treated differently had I not already given a second chance before this last chance. Im allowed to be very upset with the opportunity that they have squandered. I am not to sure where the core of the pain lies. If it is with the fact that they have chosen a belief structure over me, or could it be the issue that they are allowing a child turn a family in to rubbish, is it the issue of my sister convincing my daughter to be her daughter to replace the one she lost. I just don’t really know anymore. Yes it is a bit harsh to say that about my sister but there is a story that I am not willing to readdress in my life ever again.
I grew up in a family that used to be amazing even with its faults. Now the faults are to big to cross and it hurts.
My original decision to create my blog was to offer up a slice of my life so others can see what trans people go through when approaching Society, Doctors and other health care professionals and last but not least family. I think there is when we have to confront family members it opens up a whole new level of frustration. There is no way to escape the pain that is caused by family we run into but at the same time we desire to be near them even though they’re sometimes extremely unhealthy to us. There are a few families who actually support their children with an unconditional love. At some point you might have to stand and say no I’m not going to take this anymore . It is sad when this line in the sand have to be drawn because you have a right to be alive and happy.
In the end you have to look out for number one…..
Well I am going to be selling the Family van. To many memories before things went bad in our little family. I have been looking at a few different cars that speak to me as Style.
Wow an MG talk about a step up in life. Screw the zoom zoom, lol.
Wow a Merc, yeah I know it is used. Like I could aford a new one, HAHA. it is all about style and quality this time.
There is NOTHING wrong with dreaming there is nothing wrong with reaching goals. Then making new ones. Life is far to short to waste one second with those that drag you down. Make your goals with both hands hold tight to them and never let them go.
I would also love to thank all my readers, you are making this Dyslexic’s dream come true and that is to write something that will make an impact on this world. I am always amazed at the letters that are filling my Email…….From my heart thank you for following me and having a bit of a read.
In a post yesterday I made the error of calling the Market “Avalon”. When in fact it is the Broadmills Market. Red faced and now adjusted.
Oh we the children and I went out for the night and had a wonderful time fireworks and great company. I so love the children we have come so far over what feels like such a short time.
I have been working with Niamh so much with her homework. We are getting caught up on all the words we need to know. I think we would have been miles ahead of the other side would have lent a hand but we are making due.
Someone asked me a “what if” their reasoning was it is not uncommon. Well funny thing as many people who really know me well once I say NO it does mean NO, not maybe, It means NO. I just can’t I am now finding out who I am and what has been going on and what I have missed. I said to my friend there is a huge sadness when you heart realizes that you have missed something more than something else. Oh though I hate fielding the question from the children “Why can’t you and mum just get back together?” I am just honest and tell them I just can’t and I am sorry. What more can be said, I know this is part of their processes of grief. This has also been why I have not really been looking to date all that much. I think they needed me more than I needed someone else. So I enjoy being with them through the good times and the bad. Comforting them when the sadness and confusion sets in and we work through it. Tears dry, smiles start once more when they know they are ok and we are all ok. I check on them still like I did when they were very young 2-3 times a night. I don’t know why, I touch their heads, i listen to the sighs after the slight touch. I hear their words when I tuck them in “I love you dad”. They are even saying it in their sleep. It is at this point in my life every time they are near that I know we are all loved and happy.
If someone was to ask you why do you like kissing……. How would you express your reasons.
The First kiss, as the moment of the tenderness filled with apprehension, excited, softness, gentle, the deep breath that is taken just before the lips touch. The warm hands touching, not moving just the stillness of the air that surrounds the two in the moment. As the two part smile, exhale look into each others eyes a small giggle is released, before the two join again.
I wrote and rewrote my answer over and over again. I think i was able to express it completely………
Please remember these are just fast posts for a little bit as the children and I are more concerned with spending quality time……
Well. This is my time, our children have returned home from a visit and it is my times to enjoy a wonderful summer and stay out of the Smoke…..Yuk.
So I will try to find time but I will not promise as they are more important than anything else
I love my friends! to say that they really don’t know how much i love and respect each and everyone of them is an understatement. So I want to show you what acceptance is and show you what true love for friends is like during transition.
Most of you who read my blog dont really know that I used to be a…..IT person (you thought i was going to say a man, lol). I was the person some friends would call and say help me my computer has gone psycho. Thank god that has reduced to only a few close friends. Ok well on to the story, I have a good friend who I call me Brother (he’ not but it is a wish). Well back on track, I got a SMS saying Help…… so off I went and over a couple of days with their internet provider we got it all fixed. Yesterday I was talking to his AMAZING wife. We were just chatting about life and things that have been going on during my transition. A few laughs about how things I have been going through that all women know is a fact of life that 90% of Trans don’t know about or really don’t get until we start the HRT path. We talked over the Gate Keeper Model and how it is designed to protect Trans people from making a huge mistake (it does not always work but for the most part it does). She said oh that is a good thing cause once it is gone you can’t get it back….Please note she is a very highly educated professional surgical nurse. I replied back well thats not really true there is a procedure called an “Addadicktome” well that was the end of proper conversational etiquette and the laughs began.
We had a great time talking and it was so much fun. We even talked about a few things that have changed like smells and colors. When her husband returned from camping with there son. I was told that maybe at the end of my Transition taking all my notes and writing a book that might be a self help / my journey. Oh you poor people some of the stupid things I have been doing and finding out. It would even be placed in the Humor section…..lol.
The next thing that happened was our children are visiting there mum for a week and I get to call them. My VOIP client over my mobile phone gives the person on the other end an echo. So the kids hate that and we played a bit with it to make it enjoyable. Echos can be fun if you can do and evil laugh. No our calls are not so serious we have fun and goof off.
Well Later that night more of my GREAT friends came over for our once-a-month AD&D party. Yup we are nerds / geeks and we wear it with pride. the night was filled with humor and fun. We really don’t take ourselves so serious that the fun of being friends is lost. I so look forward to each time we all get back together.
When I dropped the bomb shell that I was going to Transition I was so worried that i was going to lose these friends, it was more of a worry than losing family members and even a more of a worry than the divorce I was going through. Much to my surprise I had surrounded myself with some of the GREATEST group of people I have ever met. When the truth of the divorce was also reveled and why we left our home. One of them offered the children and I money almost demanding that if I needed it he would give it, another one showed up at my home dropping off food and gave me some hidden cash in the food, another one has treated me with such respect that pronouns are always on the mark even though I have never demanded or asked them to be, another once made calls to me on a regular basis, and one of them last night started calling me by my name at time with even pauses, one called me during the dark times every night. These are my TRUE friends.
All of these great Friends at one time or another have been there for me. I am living proof that choosing good friends take time and has great rewards. If I could introduce each of my readers to them you would see just what I am talking about. In a way I have a Family that has more blood sweat and tears in it than most families that are by birth. You can find this happiness, you can keep it alive if you feed it and return the love that they give to you.