Well it has begun

Interview

Number one is done and I look forward to the future ones.

All of them will be on the interview page.

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Best day ever! So Far, well maybe

Mental Health is a huge issue while going through Transition. You must and need to take time to do some self care. Today was a self care day where a wonderful friend and I went out for morning tea and then went into Launceston to have a bit of fun I have never had so much fun looking at clothes and she kept trying to dress me up in a few things that made me look an feel like a circus act.But I could have been a bitch and let her buy this dress that would have made a tent out of her ass, but even I am not that cruel, lol.

We had a wonderful lunch at this little hole in the wall place in Launceston called Meat Cheese and bread. I could smell the food close to a block away it grabbed us and said give me a try. We saw a Philly Steak sandwich on the menu. I have not had a real one of these since being in the US some 14 years ago. I took one bite and was thrust into memories of good friends and good food. You know that zone where your heart takes a snapshot and nothing will ever compare. Well I have to say that is until sitting in a park with my friend. We sat there talking over our lives and the struggles that we have faced over the last two weeks.

I would show you photos but I want you to think of the wonderful moment and remember a time where you have felt that memory.

As we left I went and got a couple of bath bombs to relax with and sooth my body and pull out the toxins of dealing with my Ghost. As we walked down the street we had a most wonderful time and then one of my other friends ran into us!!! I just love her so much she has a most wonderful soul and is so kind. I knew she had been having a hard time with a person and then I grabbed out one of my bath bombs and gave a share. I look at life and think this is what friends do for one another.

So to two of my friends I would love to say thank you for a great day. I love my bath tonight.

 

Monday

Just a few days ago I pulled out some information from my mother and such information was quite disturbing. I think that the information was not a shock to the system as much as it could have been had I not been prepared. I think I could have approached my response to the way I was being treated differently had I not already given a second chance before this last chance. Im allowed to be very upset with the opportunity that they have squandered. I am not to sure where the core of the pain lies. If it is with the fact that they have chosen a belief structure over me, or could it be the issue that they are allowing a child turn a family in to rubbish, is it the issue of my sister convincing my daughter to be her daughter to replace the one she lost. I just don’t really know anymore.  Yes it is a bit harsh to say that about my sister but there is a story that I am not willing to readdress in my life ever again.

I grew up in a family that used to be amazing even with its faults. Now the faults are to big to cross and it hurts.

My original decision to create my blog was to offer up a slice of my life so others can see what trans people go through when approaching Society, Doctors and other health care professionals and last but not least family. I think there is when we have to confront family members it opens up a whole new level of frustration. There is no way to escape the pain that is caused by family we run into but at the same time we desire to be near them even though they’re sometimes extremely unhealthy to us. There are a few families who actually support their children with an unconditional love. At some point you might have to stand and say no I’m not going to take this anymore . It is sad when this line in the sand have to be drawn because you have a right to be alive and happy.sand

In the end you have to look out for number one…..

Well I am going to be selling the Family van. To many memories before things went bad in our little family. I have been looking at a few different cars that speak to me as Style.

Wow an MG talk about a step up in life. Screw the zoom zoom, lol.

Wow a Merc, yeah I know it is used. Like I could aford a new one, HAHA. it is all about style and quality this time.

There is NOTHING wrong with dreaming there is nothing wrong with reaching goals. Then making new ones. Life is far to short to waste one second with those that drag you down. Make your goals with both hands hold tight to them and never let them go.

thanks

I would also love to thank all my readers, you are making this Dyslexic’s dream come true and that is to write something that will make an impact on this world. I am always amazed at the letters that are filling my Email…….From my heart thank you for following me and having a bit of a read.

Dust in the wind

Wow..I did not see that coming.

Well the last two days have been a real humdinger, you see i am trying to be nice of what I thought of the last two days right now. Here is what I really thought about it all F-ing BEEP WTF do you think saying BEEP which is a BEEPing lie about me would accomplish. Wow how BEEPING Still Beeping LOW of a human being can a BEEPing person be. As I like to say as the shock took me by surprise (Beep) me running backwards, maybe up a BEEPing hill, in Beeping snow, may be even BEEPING naked. No I am still ranting about being called a BEEPING BEEPING BEEPING person who is lower than the scum of the earth. I am so BEEPING mad about being lied about that you can really go BEEP yourself. Do you ever BEEPING think that I will be the kind of person who will forgive that BEEPING stunt. (calm voice now) almost want to say to you have really become so desperate in you life to need to mean something? To create a new lie and story to tell people, much like the lies you told about the last person who trusted your love. That you feel you can BEEPING drag another living human being down to your level. Well news for you….

(saying with conviction)

This is my YEAR

This is my time
This is my life
Those are my Kick ass friends

Nothing you can say
Not one little lie
None of your stories

Well ever change the truth
You don’t matter
You can’t control me
I’m not yours any longer

You lost the right to be called a friend
You lost the right to be called a lover
You lost more than you will ever gain

Go away!

(back to calm)

I am such a blessed person right now. I have some of the greatest friends a person could ever hope for. Ones when the earth shook took the place of Atlas and steadied my world. Showed me hope, helped design my dreams and started the ground works on a firm foundation. Which no longer includes you and that frustrates you.

This is my year!

I can’t stop what has begun. The power of true friendship is amazing. I once hid and doubted myself because of you. Now that there is no you, i don’t hide, doubts are fleeting. I never knew how many friends I really had in my life until you were gone. I simply love being hugged by so many friends. I love the fact that they call me to make sure I am doing well despite the adversity you have become. I love the fact that honesty once again is supreme, that I no longer have to second guess what is being said to me day to day. I love the fact that in 6.25 years all of my cells in my body will have been renewed. That means none of them…….and you. Yes this is my rant, yes you will never ever not in a million years be allowed to enjoy my company again. Face it your not relevant……. 

I was told yesterday by my attorneys PA to get mad. I did for a short time about as long as it took me to write this silly old rant. But then it hit me, my anger is mine, not yours and you are no longer worth the energy.

It is like old movies stars and old washed up singers (Billy Ray Cyrus). Who tell stories to say look at me look at me. But in the end those types of people are empty and void. In time even the old sages warn Beauty is Fleeting…… What you build here in this time will echo in the eternities.

So……

This is my year
These are the best friends a person could every want!

I will grow old

I will sit around with these friends and smile over the past
you will be nothing but dust in the wind

So sad too bad you’re gone

AUSTRALIAN DAY!

Ok all invasion day stuff aside… Cause I understand why and how you feel. This day has brought a wonderful sense of life that I have missed for so long. The children even felt it. There is the point in time where nothing really fucking matters but good people just being good people. Oh that day was today. You see I have heard int he past that “you are nothing without me” WOW news flash I am Awesome and once again I keep hearing that people love the children and are amazed about how wonderful they are with manner and kindness except when Gabriel shook a can of Coke and asked a lovely woman to open in and it got all over her nice clothes need less to say Gabriel got it back and then some. Lesson taught and when he got home he told me how sorry he was for getting her with a can of fizzy.

I can not believe how much fun we had so many new faces, Which to be honest I was really spooked to meet them all as there were so many in such a short time. But not one of them cared that I was trans. In fact I was so relaxed.

 

As another night comes to a close

Oh we the children and I went out for the night and had a wonderful time fireworks and great company. I so love the children we have come so far over what feels like such a short time.

I have been working with Niamh so much with her homework. We are getting caught up on all the words we need to know. I think we would have been miles ahead of the other side would have lent a hand but we are making due.

Someone asked me a “what if” their reasoning was it is not uncommon. Well funny thing as many people who really know me well once I say NO it does mean NO, not maybe, It means NO. I just can’t I am now finding out who I am and what has been going on and what I have missed. I said to my friend there is a huge sadness when you heart realizes that you have missed something more than something else. Oh though I hate fielding the question from the children “Why can’t you and mum just get back together?” I am just honest and tell them I just can’t and I am sorry. What more can be said, I know this is part of their processes of grief. This has also been why I have not really been looking to date all that much. I think they needed me more than I needed someone else. So I enjoy being with them through the good times and the bad. Comforting them when the sadness and confusion sets in and we work through it. Tears dry, smiles start once more when they know they are ok and we are all ok. I check on them still like I did when they were very young 2-3 times a night. I don’t know why, I touch their heads, i listen to the sighs after the slight touch. I hear their words when I tuck them in “I love you dad”. They are even saying it in their sleep. It is at this point in my life every time they are near that I know we are all loved and happy.