I blew my top last night to a few close friends cause I am not understanding the issues where a once semi- attention paying parent refuses to pay attention to a child’s pleas. Even when we are in a divorce you think most parents would step up their game to prove to the court they are doing their best. All I can say is WTF.
So due to another child being very upset over mum refusing to do something at the school with her and her brothers. I canceled what I was planning to go in proxy of my ex-to-be on a mothers day event that was being held to support the bond that mothers work so hard to maintain. I had plans and dropped them at the drop of a hat for my children. Even though I am not Mum. I do not pretend to be on any level, I played a roll for many years as dad and that was my part in bring in these wonderful children in to the world.
I even found money that Niamh was wanting to buy a Mums present for her mum…..I was wrong in my thinking.
On a good news level I have been teaching Niamh Exact English Sign Language. I have this wonderful friend who is hearing impaired and it has required me to go back to the books. There is a very fun fact about learning to sign was when my son in the US his mum and I were dating we both were going to the Sign Class and this was something we did together. It added something so very special to us. I have such great and wonderful memories with her learning sign. SO here I am going back to the books and refreshing my skills as not using it for close to 20 years you get very dull and I am finding that I need big time help understanding Auslan. I think once I am around it more and more I will pick it up. I love havi9ng friends who cause me to challenge my skills and life style. I could not be more happy with all my friends. I met this new friend about a month ago and I have learned a lot about this person and I must say what a pleasure to call him a friend. Yup there I did it I made a statement that will have two new friends thinking is she talking about me? Guess what I did that on purpose I want you to think about what your friendship means to me. If you think I am talking about you than I am and know I consider our friendship a blessing.
I have been trying to change the negativity that has been so present in my life over these last few years. One of my New Years goals was to become more positive about life. Another was to let my current friends know that I love them all. I have been also trying to find a way tyo show it so what I have been doing is trying to lift where I stand by leaving kind messages here and there for all of them when they least expect it. What better way to make someones day. As I say you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
Well today was not as good as I hoped for my attorney did not give me as much hope as I wanted looks like we are going to have a fight on our hands and I know that the Gender issue will be brought up. Bloody hell, the person who wrote the family report should be dropped from the courts or there should be a way to complain about her ethics.
Okay on to the subject I promised Anna… Well this week a new milestone was hit I went to my first appointment for Laser hair removal. Wow I was nervous but the AMAZING staff that Vogue Launceston did an amazing job keeping me calm as they are so friendly for the Trans-community. I went in the room laid down with their provided glasses and I was treated to a very very close shave, i think she could learn the strait edge she would be even better….just saying. she took a good look at the test patch and told me it looked great. Which made me feel in seventh heaven. We talked over what I should see when this is done. Then she started……..
Okay the pain is so real it can be mimic-ed with easy take a rubber band and snap it against your skin on your face. So now you know what to expect write it down wad it up and toss it in the rubbish cause you know jack shit, lol.
She began snap oh I can handle that…it hurt a little bit yup it did. No pain no gain, if I ever find that person who started that right now I am going to kill them….Ouch there is one more, snap. Wow she is going fast phew cause I am sweating right now and I can’t squeeze my hands any tighter. WTF…. Holy cow……dear god all mighty that was my Jaw line….. No way why in the hell does that hurt so damn bad. Wow there it is again. Oh that’s done SMACK nope that the side burn area…. WOW. I get a break now I can breath once more.
Rise and repeat right? F*&^ing wrong new sife of you face and new pain threshold. Bahaha, ok I have found out now I have those nerves working once more. Jaw line I am ready…Nope I was not ready for that.
Ahh the break once more the upper lip sure it is a small area I am ready for that. Right…… WRONG! its only four little snaps suck it up girl I can do this. A few minutes later who ripped off my lip! ok Breath it is all done, oh what is that such nice and calming liquid wiat liquid…….OUCH! Stop touching my face!!!! Ahh that feels better ok you can put that on my face again. Now I have a red face minor sunburn. Stings a bit.
Ok I will admit it might not have been that bad after all but at the time this is what is going through your mind. She asked me not to save if I could every day. Part of my GID is looking like I have a beard when I am dressed like a woman. I do not was to be the bearded woman. So I made it to a day and a half. Might do better this weekend.I have made two more appointments looking forward to them. Wow the though of not having facial hair is amazing.
Well I hoped you enjoyed my first adventure in laser.
First let’s get rid of the term gay or even sexual attractions. Yeah, I know they told you that they were but please forgive your child and let’s forget the terms for just a little bit.
Since coming out and even while in the closet, I read stories about what it is like to be trans. I had to know more about what I was feeling. I don’t think that it is very easy to help you grasp what your child is going through and I don’t think that there is a way to help your child understand you.
So now that we are on even ground both of you knowing nothing about the other and what the other is going through. Lets begin……
As you have most likely been told hey (Parent) I’m trans. Wh3en the fact is we have always been Trans. It is easy to see it if we look at it like this lets say one parent is white and the other is black. Okay now you are starting to see a picture. Now lets look at it from there eyes, they have always been half & half. Not really white and not really black, in fact they live in both worlds while not living in any world. I know that it is confusing to try to wrap your head around. Now lets open it up a little more. Your child the one who is black and white wants to explore one of his sides just a little more and try to understand why god have made them that way or you have made him that way. So he being an urban background wants to move out to the country and live with his grandparents who are black.
Yup I have you on a journey. So you child heads our to learn more about being black. Did that change your child in any way? Yes it did, in many different ways that you were not ready for. Now they stand in front of you still the same black and white child you gave birth to. But now they are ready to accept who they are to a point and they are asking you to walk with them as they are just a little person learning to walk again for the first time once more. Remember that cute simple little hand reaching out for yours, well here it is once more asking for your help.
Did this little child you helped learn to walk really know what it was all about, no they never did. They were scared just the same as you are. What if I fall? Who will catch me? I know my parents….
Now that we have taken a bit of the time and the way we look at them telling you about them telling you is really a need for that hand in case they fall is because they need the one person in their life who is the MOST important and that happens to be you. Sure you can’t teach them this time but what can you do?
I can’t tell you how they feel at this point. That is something you need to talk to them about. I am a parent I know how you are thinking at this time. I am Trans, so I do know what they are thinking. We did not have children for them to go through what they are going through. We did not invest all the love hopes and dreams to have them struggle. But you need to face a simple fact that close to 40% of all Trans have felt so confused, so alone, without hope that they only see suicide as a way out of the huge amount of pain. We as parents do know how to save a life of our child, listen and love. God it seems so simple just like it was when that little child grasped your finger for the fist time. You remember that, don’t you……
I know that the loss and grief is going to be so very very hard for you to carry. Look at it this way is it better to have this young child who is holding your hand or you holding the lid of a coffin. Yes it can be that dire. Oh the things that have changed in me once I no longer had to struggle with everything that is around me. You might see it as a simple piece of clothing though to us it is a key to our jail cell.
I do wish you the best on your journey. I know it will be hard, in fact every single one of us who are trans know it is going to be hard. But we trust you as we want to once more grasp your safe hand……..
Is the issue of our Transition based off of a birth defect vs. a metal health issue. This is what I want you to look at and think about with this post.The medical Gate Keepers want to make it more about the brain rather than looking at it from a stand point of a physical issue. As a physical issue we might want to look at it as a issue of mind and soul over the body. We need to deconstruct the issues of these elements let take the mind and body as physical elements and soul as another element.
The medical profession would like people to think that it was an issue of the mind. Which is linked linked to an easy solution of just a few options. One being that psychoanalysis and counseling can resolve, another being one where medical pharmaceuticals can be issued to to adjust the mindset, some pseudo science has attempted to use regressive therapies, and currently all that is working is the Gate keeper model. As all you can see is that the forms of medical intervention are long and drawn out.
What would to happen if the Medical Model were to change and address the issues of Transgender more as a Birth Defect rather than an issue of the mind. Would the normal issues of the current Gate Keeper Model be required any longer? Granted AI can see that there would see need to be oversight on the persons who are affected and treatment before and after the HRT (hormone replacement therapies) and then once more before the issues of SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) took place.
I feel that the issues that might be resolved is the discrimination that many in the trans community face on a day to day basis. No longer would we have the issues of making laws that protect two or three different issues and use the ones that are currently in place. In America right now the American with Disabilities act fails to protect the Trans community but maybe with the change of mind that we are not sick in the head or going through some phase we might be able to look at the person who is as just a person who was born with a bum leg (sorry for the bad use of explanation). We might even get to see an improvement in the healthcare of the Trans community, a reduction in the Suicide rate, as well as issues of less Trans being a drain on the welfare system.
Even now we are seeing the same issues on the Trans community as the rest of society. We have Upper class, Middle class and poor in the economic spectrum. We also have those who identify as Strait, Gay and Bi-Sexual, yes I know that many will find this confronting to think that there is a possibility of a Strait Trans person. But thinking that Strait is an attraction of one Gender to another Gender from my research this is more often than not a result. We see the issues of Introverts and Extroverts, likes and dislikes none of this is different that any other person on this planet.
By changing the view of the Trans community from a mental issue to a birth defect issue we might see a break in the mold and the strangle hold that many religions and governments trying to attack the trans community.Thus removal of labels that are attached to a Trans person as well. Case in point and I will use myself in this case. I am a Transwoman and I was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of ladder-day Saints (Mormons)* in November of 2015 the Church created a policy that removed the ability of children to be members in any ways shape or form if the child has a parent who is in a same sex relationship until that child is 18 and denounces that relationship (wow, i know it is heavy). This policy makes it hard on a Trans person like me cause I was born with male parts and not female parts. So therefore once I have SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) done that will be corrected. BUT (yes I know anything before a but is bullshit it is needed here) in the LDS church I am not able to marry a man cause I was born with those parts and I be considered a homosexual and I would not be able to marry a woman cause I was changed into a woman and that makes me a lesbian. If the model is changed to a birth defect rather that a mental issue we could then point out that if I was to marry a man I was not a homosexual cause it was a correction of a birth defect.
Laws would no longer be needed to address the issues of SRS and name changes and Birth Cert. being fixed as due to the model being changed this could happen automatically. Thus reducing overall legal issues clogging up the courts on things that could be repaired with ease.
Now I am not saying that this would fix every problem that the Trans community have but it might help those who struggle with the change view this change in a different way? I leave it up to you to look at this idea yourself…..
“here’s my two cents”
*I am no longer a member of the LDS church, though I respect all beliefs and the right to worship as you may see fit.
So this few months in the children’s lives without ex-to-be has been hard on us. We have been trying to find ways to pay back God for all of his blessings. The one thing that I have found that the children are like Diamonds. Follow me on this for a second Where are diamonds found? What are they worth? Here is my answers Children are found everywhere but that can only be truly reached by hard hard work. Children are worth every second that you put into them. In the end teaching them thing such as love, kindness and forgiveness will work magic and wonders beyond beliefs.
What I am talking about is the fact that at the start of this year I have made a list of goals. One of those goals to start my year was to find a way to do service ever day. Now have I been able to do so, no. My goal was harder than I though it would have been. But I have found out that sometimes things happen in the most amazing ways. I set out what I wanted to do to the universe, god, or however heard me. Shortly afterwards a friend and his wife were looking for someone to help with a bread run on Friday nights. We once a fortnight I get a load of bread dropped off for me to had out to others who might be doing life a little hard. Sometimes it is very hard to do as I am stepping outside our comfort zone. But we have been doing it for close to 2 months now and wow have I seen some amazing children who show compassion beyond anything I could have every hoped for. I tell it you is such a sight to behold when my children say lets try that house.
This last week I was really hit in the gut when a family report said I was a bad parent. I was just so shocked after all we do as a family this (beeping) person had to gall to say I am doing a bad job. Please the evidence says more that this stupid person ever could. I make sure school is attended and I continue what I have been doing for the last five years of keep in touch with my children’s teachers. Yet even though someone has not been doing it at all the last two terms. Yet I am the bad parent, stupid piss ant writer of the report. Now the attorney is going to have to really go on the attack. I was hoping that would not have to happen.
Well tonight I am going to also do some work on the about me side of my blog. I feel that expanding on this part is going to help the book a lot.
Yup, I am a Trans-woman fighting the good fight for the children’s future. So I have been running in and out of problems that the Ex-to-be starts and gets away with. She thinks she is smart and she thinks that it is causing me hell. Well I can be honest I am saddened by the loss of a person who once could have replaced the stars in the nights sky. Now I have seen the true you, well staying with you would have been HELL. Though I think I have this also to say…..
But I was going to say the real hell is when you as a parent works real hard to get the dinner thought up and underway then when you taste it you are in heaven you have done it all perfect. Then the kids sit at the table ready to enjoy what you have created then BAM it was not designed for childrens taste buds and not a single one of them like it
Since November the 6th my shelf of faith has been rocked and has fallen. I know that this has not been helped by what my family has been doing as well. I have Read the CES at http://www.ces.com this is not an Anti-mormon letter it is a letter that is asking the Church Educational System some very hard questions that to this day have never been answered by the church. Even so the church for this person asking these questions has been seeking to have him Excommunicated. In Fact they were seeking to do it on February the 14 of 2016 but it was postponed until March.
Well I have also been watching the the issues that are going on in Utah and the scandals of the Child Sexual Abuse in the LDS church that has been going on and the cover ups. If you are not aware of it I think it is up to you to find it out. But going on with this same topic but a different church is what the Catholic church with a few bad priests who have done the same and how the church covered it up. Today while still sick I was reading Facebook I came across this little video and the pain that every person has had to go through. I am a parent of a child who was Sexually Assaulted. I don’t think many people really know pain of a broken heart like that of a child who has gone through this issue and there is no Justice for them. The many and I do mean many sightings of the “perp” who did this to my little girl is nothing compared to having to see him every Sunday and other events. Please take the time watch this video all the way to the end. If you can help please help. These children have a right to Justice!
Like I said these people that he is singing about is just like my little girl.
Every child deserves Justice!
Hey LDS Church leaders stop hiding behind you high walls and come forward with the truth and let the Justice be heard.
Nothing ruins a fabulous day for me more than entitlement.
I’m talking about the expectations placed on me as a transgender person that are never placed on my cisgender counterparts.
Take, for example, the number of times that cis folks have asked me, “Are you getting rid of…” Then, gesturing to my chest, they add, “those?” without batting an eye.
I’m not sure on what planet that’s an acceptable question to ask anyone, but it bothers me – endlessly – that so many people feel entitled to that information, so much so that they don’t consider my comfort level or privacy when they ask.
From time to time, I run into folks who – whether they’re “curious” about my existence or aren’t sure how to talk to me about trans issues – mistakenly believe that I exist as their real-life Caitlyn Jenner, a science experiment, a case study, or a source of entertainment.
Entitlement can surface in a whole slew of different ways.
It can be seemingly “innocent” questions about our bodies, as if we owe you private or intimate details about our transitions. It can be tokenizing us, sensationalizing our being transgender and not actually valuing or recognizing our personhood.
It can even be requests to change our appearance to make cisgender people more comfortable.
Ultimately, entitlement comes from the idea that transgender people exist for the entertainment, comfort, or curiosity of cisgender people.
And whether it’s intended or not, even the best allies can perpetuate this kind of attitude in their day-to-day interactions with trans folks.
So how can we break down entitlement and make the world a safer place for trans folks?
Well, to start, here are eight things trans people don’t owe you – and why these everyday examples of entitlement are so problematic.
1. Details About Their Body or Any Plans They Have for It
Whoa, whoa, whoa. My body? My business. Don’t ask me about what my plans are unless I’ve brought them up myself.
I can’t recall a single time back when I identified as cisgender that someone asked me, “Please describe in intimate detail what your genitals look like and what you hope they’ll look like in the future.”
Why are transgender people somehow fair game for invasive questions like these?
Just because I’m trans, that doesn’t mean I owe the world a detailed blueprint of what my medical transition is going to look like, assuming I even opt for a medical transition. That’s a personal question between me, my doctors, and those that I choose to share it with.
While I agree with the writer to a point I feel that some education is in the best interest of everyone. But the point where education becomes intrusive I will let you know or I will send you to a place where you can find out that information.
2. Their Birth Name or Any Details About Who They Were Prior to Transitioning
Translation: Please tell me about a time in your life that you had no intention of sharing – and give me private details about it, too!
Again, sensitive information that could be triggering or painful is not something a trans person owes you by virtue of being trans. Your curiosity does not trump their right to privacy, ever.
Questions like these bother me because the moment someone learns that I’m transgender, they treat my past like a scandalous secret that is somehow more interesting or valuable than the person that I’ve fought to become today.
I will share my past with you if I want to and when I’m ready.
Please focus on who I am in the present – I promise, the person I am now is much more interesting.
I have said it before, I am very proud of Allen he did a wonderful Job keeping me safe. I knowthis sds like talking about yourself in third person. If you look at it from my point of view Allen did a wonderful job. He kept all of us safe and when the time came to protect us he took a leap of faith and did what was needed to be done. Allen stood aside and let me come out when it was safe. In the end Allen took a chair and let me drive for a while. So I am not worried if you ask I think it is better if you do. But once again this is my time this is my life and Allen did a fine job and that is all I will say about it.
3. A Friendship or Relationship So That You Can Prove That You’re Open-Minded
I’m not going to be a pawn in some kind of social justice credibility game. So stop introducing me as your “transgender friend” and pulling a Vanna White when we meet someone new.
Real talk: You are not a better person, a better ally, or a better activist because you know or fuck a trans person.
This is not proof of how radical you are or evidence of how open-minded you are.
And if you ever get called out for transphobia and pull the “I can’t be transphobic, my best friend/my partner is trans” card, I will drop you so fast that you won’t know what hit you.
I’m not your token, and I’m definitely not your shield from criticism.
Ok, so you want me as a friend I do come with a warning label. I have no room for those who commit ADULTERY in any form. You made a promise and until you are released from that promise BY THE COURT, keep your dick in your pants and your legs crossed. I have no room for the people who hurt children ot their spouse. TO BE CLEAR, until you have had this done to you you will never know the pain of it and you might never know the anger of the pain for staying to long. I have no room for those who rape, sexually assault anyone, and if you think a bastard ho hurts a child like this LET ME BE CLEAR it would be better for you to have your gut opened and your intestines pull out and left to dry…….Than to think i would talk to a person like that! Oh one last thing I HAVE AN ANSWER for EVERYTHING….you might not like my answers. I believe in Karma and God!
4. A Gender Studies 101 Education
I get that you want to learn more about trans people.
Gender identity, gender expression – gender is a vast and complex topic, and it’s fascinating, too! You might have a lot of questions, and who better to ask than someone you trust?
But think about it. Chances are, you are not the only friend that I have. I have hundreds of friends who are just as fascinated and have just as many questions as you.
The reality: Trans people are constantly bombarded with questions and expected to educate others by virtue of being trans.
So before you demand the resources and energy of a trans person for your own personal benefit, why not seek out existing resources online? The transgender tag on Everyday Feminism is a great place to start.
This tells trans people that you not only want to learn, but that you respect their time.
Um read my Blog! if you are unsure ask me I don’t care in fact I love it. I want to teach others so someday you might not ask your questions to the younger generations of Trans. Plus better to walk in education than you wallow in stupidity!
5. A Sensational and Tragic Account of Their Life Story
My life is not an Oprah Winfrey special.
If you’re asking questions about my past because you want to hear a sad story, that tells me that you view me as entertainment before you view me as a person.
Well that is not true for me. I want you to know what we go through. I want you to know that my life is just as crazy as your in so many many areas. I want you to know that like the writer I am a living human being. I have my ups and downs, I have good days and bad days. But most of all I am very approachable and I love to talk to people. So get to know me, if you see me talk to me, but be polite I have children and sometimes they are with me.
“I get that this isn’t the name that you’re using, but don’t you see how hard this is for me?”
“Your grandparents don’t need this drama right now. Can’t you come out later?”
Transgender people should never be made to feel like their identity is an inconvenience or burden. They should never be guilted into apologizing for who they are or making their needs known.
Trans people do not owe you an apology for being honest about their identity. Trans people do not owe you an apology because their transness is unfamiliar and “difficult” to you. Trans people do not owe you an apology just for existing.
If you don’t have something supportive to say, please process your feelings on your own time.
I love what was written here!
7. Justification for Why or When They Are (Or Aren’t) Transitioning
Transition is about my comfort – not yours.
So asking me to explain why I’m making certain choices about my body, as if I have to defend them to you; asking me why I can’t wait for hormones or surgery until it’s a more convenient time for you; or pushing me to make decisions that will make you feel more at ease instead of supporting me are not okay.
These are gestures that tell me that you prioritize your happiness and comfort over mine.
Trans people should not have to transition in a way that makes everyone around them happy.
Their transitions (or lack thereof) should be guided by their own needs, their own desires, and what makes them feel best – not by cisgender people in their lives who just happen to have an inappropriate opinion on something so personal.
Trans people do not owe anyone a justification for their choices when it comes to their bodies and their (a)gender(s).
The truth of the matter is that while this may affect you, trans people are the ones who are most impacted by transitioning. And at the end of the day, they have to live with the choices that they make.
Those choices might impact you, but they aren’t about you.
Like I have said I am very open I want to help you understand me and others like me. The more you understand and see the value of a person is not what lies between their legs the more you will see that it is what lies between their ears. For me I know that asking questions is many peoples way to understand something unusual to them. So don’t be scared ask me and I will tell you, remember you might not like the answer I give.
Transgender people, just like anyone else, get to set boundaries in their lives, and those boundaries should be respected. The truth is, transgender people don’t owe you anything.
The problem with entitlement and the many ways that it surfaces is that it erases the humanity of trans people. It treats us like an object, a prop, a source of entertainment, or something to impose demands upon before we are ever fully recognized as autonomous human beings.
When you dehumanize trans people in this way, whether subtle or overt, you give the rest of the world permission to disrespect or even hurt us because we are seen as exploitable – something that people can use for their own purposes instead of actual human beings.
If you feel that you are owed something from a trans person – their body, their time, their decisions – it’s time to reflect. Toxic expectations do not exist in a vacuum. They feed into a culture that denies transgender people their agency and views them as inherently less-than.
This might seem overwhelming. You might be thinking, “Wow, can I interact with a trans person at all without seeming entitled? Am I doomed no matter what I do?”
What it boils down to is this: We want to be seen as whole people, just like anyone else.
So deep breaths. I promise we’re not fragile. Just treat us with respect, be open to learning from mistakes, and apologize when you make them. And, you know, don’t ask about our
genitals. You really need to stop doing that.
Like I said I will answer anything from anyone and I do it others who might not have the ability to do so don’t have to. Please know who you are talking to and the right time to ask. What I mean is that sometimes asking me in the middle of Coles (supermarket) is not the right place and my response might be a little rude. So choose your timing and the way you ask me. I hope you will understand that here you have two points of view the writers and mine. Both are different and both of us have our own reasons for our views. RESPECT. I love you for who you are please do the same for me and we will be kind to each other that is all I ask of you.
Now I say this all the love in my heart for this person.
(I really love this picture)
In December this beautiful little girl together with the rest of the family and neighbors rescued a Guinea Pig. So for about two weeks we had this little visitor. Christmas holiday came and the day the kids left for a visit with their mum our little visitor passed away. We nick named him Speedy, cause the little bugga was FAST!
It has been a couple of months the requests have not stopped for a replacement. There have been suggestions on many different pets. Some common Cats, Dogs, and a new Guinea Pig. There have been a few off the wall ideas Racoon, Bat, Fox. Well I am very happy that mythological beast have not been suggested. She would love to have chickens back but I think we should just avoid all new family members for a little bit longer.
Granted I am not winning any points saying no but it is the best thing I can do right now… It is so hard to say no to her……Gosh I love her!