Judgement

Something I read today by a friend……

Don’t Love what you can’t Trust
Don’t Hate what you can’t have
Don’t Say what you can’t show
Don’t Judge what you don’t know

I have only one line to add to this information is..

Say what you mean, Mean what you say

I have seen it so many times over the years. People of all walks of life, all faiths, and all races. Doing everything but this. We lie to ourselves and others.

I left the Mormon church about 10 months ago. Not due to anger, not due to disable. My reason was simple I am Trans and Women cant hold the priesthood. So I left had my name removed from the church.

In November of 2015 I was shocked by what the church did and I wrote about this in the past posts. I have seen in recent days a change in what the church is saying that “Now” Nov 2015 was given by god. Where earlier is was said it was not but that the “Brotheren” had made this choice. I have seen and heard people saying god is separating the wheat form the chaff. Call me crazy but I am not a second class person to god. I am having a hard time with Extremists in the LDS church who a couple have now shunned me…… I foresaw this coming I told a really good friend that this was going to happen. I started to see it happening to others now twice it has happened to me. People that I had been a TRUE friend to in the past and asked for NOTHING in return……

You want me to be angry, NO! You want me to be like you, NEVER! You want my Hate, you’re not worth my time! Turn your back on those of us who you deem unworthy. Cast your stones. We will stand together, our strength is more than your voices.

The Revenant Review

Warning……I hated this movie……There is a spoiler alert as well……

IMDB Information

The Revenant (2015) Poster

The only way the damn movie saves itself from a 1 on my list is the amazing way in which it was filmed. The landscape was amazing!

So now that I have given my only praise that I can find in the damn movie is done lets talk about it. Ok to be honest I love the actors. BUT when you portray something of Native American Culture why does it always have to be based in the aspects of “the great beyond” crap at some point in the movie. Hollywood does this all the time. I love my Native American Family History, I am proud of who we are. But there is so much more of us than that part. It seems like Hollywood never gets the point. I found this movie to also insult my intelligence, I have had blood poisoning it is horrible. Your body is rebelling against you at every point and you are sore beyond belief. The issue of trying to make this main character larger than life goes even one step more to say that on top of blood poisoning he can survive freezing waters not once but twice if not more. I’m sorry back to the blood poisoning My temp was at 40 degrees cel. for over a week I lost so much weight it was not funny. I was USELESS for a whole summer and then I am still dealing with the after effects of it some 14 years later. Yeah I can grasp it is “Based on a true story” but for pete’s sake make it believable.

Then at times it eludes to a hatred that two tribes have, holy crap more of the same Native American stereotyping. Yes it happened but ARGH!!!!!!! If this movie gets and oscar, it should not! it is just CRAP on a stick.

Oh I could go on and on about my problems and loopholes in the story line plus Amount of BLOOD LOSS……GRRRRRR

But i am not going to do that

So here it is my score

2

The last 24 hours

Phew!

I love my friends! to say that they really don’t know how much i love and respect each and everyone of them is an understatement. So I want to show you what acceptance is and show you what true love for friends is like during transition.

Most of you who read my blog dont really know that I used to be a…..IT person (you thought i was going to say a man, lol). I was the person some friends would call and say help me my computer has gone psycho. Thank god that has reduced to only a few close friends. Ok well on to the story, I have a good friend who I call me Brother (he’ not but it is a wish). Well back on track, I got a SMS saying Help…… so off I went and over a couple of days with their internet provider we got it all fixed. Yesterday I was talking to his AMAZING wife. We were just chatting about life and things that have been going on during my transition. A few laughs about how things I have been going through that all women know is a fact of life that 90% of Trans don’t know about or really don’t get until we start the HRT path. We talked over the Gate Keeper Model and how it is designed to protect Trans people from making a huge mistake (it does not always work but for the most part it does). She said oh that is a good thing cause once it is gone you can’t get it back….Please note she is a very highly educated professional surgical nurse. I replied back well thats not really true there is a procedure called an “Addadicktome” well that was the end of proper conversational etiquette and the laughs began.

We had a great time talking and it was so much fun. We even talked about a few things that have changed like smells and colors. When her husband returned from camping with there son. I was told that maybe at the end of my Transition taking all my notes and writing a book that might be a self help / my journey. Oh you poor people some of the stupid things I have been doing and finding out. It would even be placed in the Humor section…..lol.

The next thing that happened was our children are visiting there mum for a week and I get to call them. My VOIP client over my mobile phone gives the person on the other end an echo. So the kids hate that and we played a bit with it to make it enjoyable. Echos can be fun if you can do and evil laugh. No our calls are not so serious we have fun and goof off.

Well Later that night more of my GREAT friends came over for our once-a-month AD&D party. Yup we are nerds / geeks and we wear it with pride. the night was filled with humor and fun. We really don’t take ourselves so serious that the fun of being friends is lost. I so look forward to each time we all get back together.

When I dropped the bomb shell that I was going to Transition I was so worried that i was going to lose these friends, it was more of a worry than losing family members and even a more of a worry than the divorce I was going through. Much to my surprise I had surrounded myself with some of the GREATEST group of people I have ever met. When the truth of the divorce was also reveled and why we left our home. One of them offered the children and I money almost demanding that if I needed it he would give it, another one showed up at my home dropping off food and gave me some hidden cash in the food, another one has treated me with such respect that pronouns are always on the mark even though I have never demanded or asked them to be, another once made calls to me on a regular basis, and one of them last night started calling me by my name at time with even pauses, one called me during the dark times every night. These are my TRUE friends.

All of these great Friends at one time or another have been there for me. I am living proof that  choosing good friends take time and has great rewards. If I could introduce each of my readers to them you would see just what I am talking about. In a way I have a Family that has more blood sweat and tears in it than most families that are by birth. You can find this happiness, you can keep it alive if you feed it and return the love that they give to you.

 

 

 

The Danish Girl

I was asked by someone who I don’t want to give away to give a review of the movie as I was transgender.

Knowing that I have seen over 3.5 thousand movies in my life and the list just keeps growing I am a very very harsh critic on movies. I rate my movies on a 1-5 scale 1 don’t waste your time to 5 Oh wow i have to watch it again.

So let get started….

the danish girl

IMDB information

on my 1-5 scale I only give this movie a 3 and that is NOT because I find it poorly made, boring or oppressive. The reason for my low score is simple I’ve seen it and I won’t need to see it again. But if you have not seen it do go and see it it will break your heart.

I find the movie to address some very sensitive subjects that revolve around the Trans community in our struggle to just be. While many of us fight the Gate keeper model that has been widely adopted  before a person can enter into the HRT program this movie shows that it was a lot harder along time ago. I love the acting and the screen writing was  done so very beautiful with a true sense of unconditional love.

I feel however that the release of the movie was more of a means to capitalize on the issues revolving around Caitlyn Jenner. Which I think they have used her issues as a way to sell this movie. In someways this has also lowered my score. So many others who are Trans have done so much publicly that this could have been produced earlier than it was.

As for the acting, so well done. I did not feel like that had phoned in their roles and I also felt that their skills lead to the movie being so well done.

So there you have it and I did not SPOIL! I am very simple and to the point

3

Is my score

(a must see but not more than once)

The end of another day

Well, I spent the whole day thinking about how I was going to talk about all this. My whole blog is to show everyone that Transpersons are just like the rest of the world. I have always felt a deep disgust for those who look down on others. I steered clear of those that are haters, I have actively taken stands against those who pour their vile hate out for others to see.

I am proud of my children every last one of them. Even though I have split from the last three’s mother we worked very hard when we were a team. I have amazing children who have love for those who are less fortunate than ourselves. We have worked hard at spreading smiles and love trying to reverse the hate. There was a time where guns were not allowed and in our simple little home we still hold to those values. We don’t where you come from, we don’t care the color of your skin, we don’t care who you believe in, we don’t care who you marry, we don’t care what lies between your legs and we do care about You.

I thank you for taking the time and reading my blog. I thank you for the time you have spent getting to know us. I hope that by knowing us a little better you feel safe enough to reach out talk write me a question or stop me on the street to ask a question. If you are scared of me you don’t need to be. Yes I know there are days I look like a dogs breakfast. Then there are days that I don’t. But in the end I am here on this wonderful place we all call home.

I live in a place where I think is one of the best ion the whole world and I have seen a lot, Tasmania, Australia. The weather changes every five minutes, people are kind and wonderful with a great sense of humor. Yeah we have a few bad apples, what place doesn’t. Overall I don’t think i could find something better. Sorry Montana, I know I said I would be back someday, I just don’t think i will make that trip again.

Sometimes you have to know when to say when. I am tired of moving ,finding new friends. Cause sometimes you can’t replace the best ones. I was only here in Tassie for a short time when I met a group of mates and was welcomed in to the “fold”. 14 years later I am still friends with 95% of them and even though my outward appearance has change they have stayed “True Blue Mates”. Hell we are back to being nerds once more and having a few laughs and playing role playing games. Nothing is better than sitting with those friends. Wow 14 years is a long time, once I was convinced of moving to another state in Australia. I am so glad that I procrastinated, I knew it was not right for us. Time with these friends has shown me that.

Hey on a second note have you ever had a flat forehead? Yup you know that one where you palm your forehead so hard it is flat now. Well that is me a few times these last seven months now it is starting to look normal.

P.S. I once told someone “that’s is between you and god” Just remember that sometime you will need to face that comment yourself better be able to return it to another when they gave it to you.

Be kind to another person today give it a go what do you have to lose.

Hezekiah Brian Robins

Well here we have come to the end….. The last of the tribe…..

The one and only Hezekiah Robins!

Lets start this off with an amazing baby photo!

S/W Ver: 9E.03.28R

What a cute little man and that hair. It has not changed that much over the years.

Little bit over the days and months sparks of his future personality started to show. A little huggy boy he would become. Parents, Papa, Nana, Teachers none of us were safe. Times would show that his way of telling you that you meant something to him was to hug you no words just simple hugs. Ninja hugs were the best in the world. You knew it was him but by the time you turned around he was gone (behind your back), but Ninja none the less.

FOOD…. cake…… and more cake……Brownies with peanut butter. Chocolate spread with peanut butter sandwiches. Then you got hugged again, dirty face and all.

I’ve got a cool movies with him and that Guitar

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It was at this point that I knew I had to make the choice in our lives. I knew we could no longer keep living the way we were going. I felt so alone and going home with memories that only we four shared in had to change.

Skip a few Months

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We took a leap a of faith and left.

Learning that he could be his wonderful happy self we embarked on road trips. New Bikes, no training wheels as he was not a big boy and earned to have one of his own.

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To school plays where he was the best Christmas spider EVER! He loved his cool Motor Cycle Teacher (yup Ninja hugs happened). They learned as we all do when you get those you are in like the good books and sometimes nothing needs to be said.

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I love this huggie bear like no one would ever know! I promise your nickname is safe with me, ok boo.

 

Gabriel Allen Robins

Introducing Gabriel, Who came in to this world refusing to go the way he was supposed to go. He has been doing it everyday since, a rebel without a need to rebel. He fought every step of the way, ending up in a blue light special box. Staying just a bit longer at the hospital. Lets start off with a photo.

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It was at this time in his life that he started to take a love to Motown music and R&B. Yes it was some covers of Motown by Human Nature that helped him calm down with he was this old. Mind you in our house music is on almost all the time.

Soon Personality started to form….

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the smiles and laughter has not stopped to this day. His hair started getting better though.

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In about two years he feel in love with his baby sister, even though they can fight like cats and dogs deep at his core he loves her so very much.

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If you have know Gabriel you know this face as it has not change “i’m so cute” and he can still use it at times.

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Caught….lol

Lets skip a few years to current as there was a bit of a sad time for our family and not many photos were taken during that time.

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This is one of the first photos I took after making a choice that would impact the him for the rest of his life. As you can see here that the small smile has returned it has been growing ever since.

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Don’t mind the dirty face, in fact it is one of the biggest signs that the choices that were made lead us to find the ability to explore new family activities and regain the beauty of this wonderful soul. This night that the photo was taken was so amazing we watched New Years fireworks in Launceston. 3 kids full of happiness and love had the most wonderful time.

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Live music was something very new to all three and then the fireworks hit.

Keep an eye out for more exciting times with this wonderful soul. I love this kid!

 

 

Morgan Robins

Welcome to the second person in Meet the Robins Family. We are going to start it off with my oldest son Morgan Alexander Robins. Lets take a look at my wonderful son to begin with.

Morgan Robins

Here he is with his first Mug shot, lol.  No really lets start off with an explanation on his name and how he ended up with it. What he did not know is that we his mom and I did not really know what to call him Alexander was a name I loved since I was a children so we used that as his middle name. Time was getting closer and closer to find a name cause it would not have been nice to have a baby and call it “?” Robins. So his Grandmother on my side started popping out names left right and center until Morgan came in to the list who was a man from my families History. It seemed to strike a cord and we stuck with it. So there you have thee names History.

2015 Morgan finished his schooling and I am very happy with him. HE has been making plans to advance his education with going to Job Corps to gain a real world skill in 2016.

In the past Morgan has enjoyed playing football. I love this photo of him.

Morgan Football

in 2016 once the house sells here in Tasmania I am hoping to fly him down for a visit and to enjoy a summer here in Australia. Can’t wait to see what the future holds for this young man.

Here’s to good health

Wow, I needed to go to my doctor for a checkup. Yes I do it regularly and not cause I am trans. I do it cause I have a firm belief that you body is a machine and it needs to be taken care of. So to the point, while I was there she was amazed at how my blood pressure was so normal where seven months ago it was very high. We talked over how was my asthma and my stress levels. I would like to point out to everyone who I love and am very thankful for you reading. Feeling better sometimes takes a leap of faith. We fled the abuse and my health has taken a turn for the best. I am getting healthy and happy at the same time. It is so amazing how when you remove certain parts of your life the weight of bad health leaves as well.

While I was there we reviewed Gabriel and Hezekiah’s health as well. We looked at the issues of their asthma in the last six months how it has improved for them as well. Gabriel has only had one asthma attack and that was being woken up with a nightmare that scared him. Top that!

I am a firm believer that relationships can be poison to ones soul at times. While I do say that i stress that being alone can also be poison. Huey Lewis said it best “power of love”. I have been teaching my children that REAL love does not happen over night that REAL love is something that builds over time. It starts slow and build over time. If it is fast it will never last. We looked that buying a cheap toy cause you saved up $20 vs buying a better toy that cost $100 and they were the same toy. One was built better and it will last longer or work better. This has been a good lesson as people in their life are making choices based upon a whim.

I have been working on being polite and kind to others. I have so many people telling me how much the kids are beautiful souls to have around. I am so blessed! That light at the end of the tunnel is very bright indeed.

Be of good health my friends!

FIGHT!

yctun4

Fight! Take deep breath
Move Forward
Extinguish fear

Stumble
Take deep breath
Get up FIGHT!

Fall
Take deep breath
GET UP Fight

Blood Dries
Wounds Heal
Faith restored

Friends rally
Goal is seen
Take Deep Breath

Move Forward
Conquer Darkness
Reach Light

Survive………

 

 

Thanks for the photo www.http://yakimatwintunnels.blogspot.com.au/

Thanks for the ass kicking Frank!