I wrote this in a very dark time but not so long ago. Please understand it is always darkest just before the sun comes out and shows the way. Deep Breath and move forward.
Living with a Ghost
She walks in the day
walks by night
Never quite in your sight
I hear her
I feel her
but it is not her
The sounds she make
The kindness lost
Anger is all the remains
I must let go
I must find peace
Tears fall as we leave
Well here we are we made it!
Welcome to 2016, I have been waiting for you. Saying that reminds me of James Bond, lol.
Well as many of you know I have been looking forward to 2016. I wanted to start it off by talking about just a few of my readers….This is very cool I am getting people from all around the world Peru, Chine, Hong Kong, USA, Australia, Finland, and the UK just to name a few. In 1993 I and a friend who I grew up with had a BBS (bulletin board system). For those of you who don’t know what those are they were like having a local Facebook that you used you dialup modem to connect to. Wow the your thinking that’s a long time ago and now I am feeling a bit old, lol. Ok so where am I going with this thought, we as I get older the world is getting smaller. Yes I have not made it to Egypt, China, or Turkey just to name a few places I so want to see. Though that is nothing compared to the amazing people who are reading my blog almost on a daily basis.
I am going through my VAST music collection trying to find a theme song that is right for me at this time. I lived far to long with the last one in fact it was six months of feeling sad for the loss of my marriage which I never really knew how dysfunctional it was until the children and I were out.
So now where to…… Blog it BABY!
Well since so many people are finding my blog a good read. I could sure use a little input what is a good song for a new year. This song needs to show hope, happiness, excitement and downright Groove. No I do not want to listen to YMCA for a year while the kids would be cool with it I think i will have to pass for my sanity, lol. Place your ideas in to comments I am open to my different types of music so don’t be scared to put down your idea.
I was sitting here a couple of days ago seeking answers to a few things. Right now I am drawn to going back to school yup something I am not looking forward to doing, but I feel ever so drawn to it. A plan and a purpose to move forward in a direction that might help another person. I don’t think I can sole the worlds problems nor do I think that it will solve my problems. I do think that I have a lot of Wisdom and life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Ok back to my seeking answers on God and the Mormon Church. I think more and more that the honesty levels of the church are questionable. I do think that Members are not the problem in fact I think the ones I choose to call friends are the salt of the earth. I have always welcomed “door knockers” tonight was no different but we had the Gideon’s knock on our door. They were very nice never once trying to shove it down my throat, little did they know I might know more about the Bible then they did but it was not time for a bible bash. It was just so peaceful they prayed at our door gave a blessing to our home in their prayer. I know that 2016 is going to be a most magical year.
Tonight as I have been to work with Niamh, by her teachers on her Magic words. Were are working real hard to get her up to the level she needs. Tonight the “EX” choose to throw a spanner into something she did not even ask why we were working on them, she just said well thats boring doing homework in the Holidays. ARGH! Hellooo…. Gee if your child needs help you do it! Yeah it is not fun but you do it. Oh well we will make do, we were doing so well before she chose to say that to her then the energy just ran out. Ugh….. Gabriel was also having an issue that she was going out to eat and chose to end the call early. Dealt with his anger for 20 minutes dusted him off told him that he will talk to her on Tuesday. I think it also had to do with the fact that she choose to call a half an hour late yesterday and her only got a half and hour for all three of them before bed. I hope she calls on time and spends the whole hour talking with them and not bursting their hopes, dreams and hard work.
Well I started to work on my……LOL I can’t remember where I was going with that thought
Tonight I was having “talkie time” with my kids who I have been doing with them for as long as I can remember. We have time to talk about anything they want. We have opened a line of communication that I never want to see close. Yes I am a Transwoman we talked and talked it over open and honest. Tonight I got into trouble for not wearing a bra by my little girl (8) told that I must wear one at all times. Oh how I love her!
I have been having a talk with my son (9) who has been very concerned about who is telling the truth. This worries me why is he asking this? So we had a talk about “why”. So we talked about how to find the truth when we are not sure as to what is the truth. We talked about actions are louder than words. Say what you mean, mean what you say. One cannot say “I am the best” when their actions speak otherwise. We looked at how people act and by those actions they shall be known. We talked about how to keep ourselves safe we talked about making choices that might confuse other. We talked about standing up for what is right even when we might lose. Being right does not always mean we will win. I am always amazed at my son he loves so much and wants to be loved. We have a bit of a talk about how we as a family have been doing over the last six months. We talked about what can be improved on. He is such a deep thinker. I can’t wait to see what he will become in the future!
I talked to my youngest son (5). Wow so much a beautiful soul. I think I have learned much more from him than he has learned from me. I don’t even know how to write about it all.
I guess my point is the following that if you want to know your children and you want to be a part of your children. TUCK them in at night, spend 5 minutes talking to them. Show up at their school, be a pain in your children teachers side making sure your are help them teach your child. Do homework with them. These are the moments that I have been doing for a very long long time. I have a bond with them that I fear nothing will harm. We are open and I know that if they need to talk to me they can.
Yeah, we as parents make errors but we are lucky if we change in time errors can be repaired.
I hope your Christmas was as good as mine filled with love of friends and family.
P.S. if you can see the movie “The Danish Girl”
I did something I swore I would get back to one day but in a different form. I learned to airbrush a long time ago by a wonderful artist who had more talent in his little finger than I could ever have. I miss his talents every day. Ok so back to the point I gave a hand to an amazing artist who’s works stop my heart when I see them. I gave her my Airbrush to knowing that she will make great use of it and in her my Airbrush will shine once more.
Have a look she is…… beautiful as her works. I am always amazed. It is even cooler that my oldest amazing daughter is her best friend. Really go look!
So on the front side of my life. I’m going back to school, after years of putting someone else through it. I am going to do another course and see if that is the way I want to go as well. So why am I taking another course well it is simple two reasons and these two reasons are the same for everyone who chooses this path. One I think it might help me find the tools I need to answer a few questions about why I am the way I am. The second answer is very simple maybe just maybe I might be able to help someone out there who is walking the path I have walked. Now I will let you try to figure out what I am going to do…… I’m getting older and it is time to use the wisdom I have gained in my years on this planet.
I also was told in a “reading” that my lucky number are 4, 2 and 17. That I should use these in as many combos as I can and I will be richly rewarded. Well there is Four in our humble little home and I have four friends who would give the shirt off there backs for me (I won’t tell you who you are cause you know who you are).
The children and I are going to go see the News Years Eve fireworks I love this idea!
See 4 topics, lol