Making choices

I blew my top last night to a few close friends cause I am not understanding the issues where a once semi- attention paying parent refuses to pay attention to a child’s pleas. Even when we are in a divorce you think most parents would step up their game to prove to the court they are doing their best. All I can say is WTF.

So due to another child being very upset over mum refusing to do something at the school with her and her brothers. I canceled what I was planning to go in proxy of my ex-to-be on a mothers day event that was being held to support the bond that mothers work so hard to maintain. I had plans and dropped them at the drop of a hat for my children. Even though I am not Mum. I do not pretend to be on any level, I played a roll for many years as dad and that was my part in bring in these wonderful children in to the world.

I even found money that Niamh was wanting to buy a Mums present for her mum…..I was wrong in my thinking.

Rant over……………………………

On a good news level I have been teaching Niamh Exact English Sign Language. I have this wonderful friend who is hearing impaired and it has required me to go back to the books. There is a very fun fact about learning to sign was when my son in the US his mum and I were dating we both were going to the Sign Class and this was something we did together. It added something so very special to us. I have such great and wonderful memories with her learning sign. SO here I am going back to the books and refreshing my skills as not using it for close to 20 years you get very dull and I am finding that I need big time help understanding Auslan. I think once I am around it more and more I will pick it up. I love havi9ng friends who cause me to challenge my skills and life style. I could not be more happy with all my friends. I met this new friend  about a month ago and I have learned a lot about this person and I must say what a pleasure to call him a friend. Yup there I did it I made a statement that will have two new friends thinking is she talking about me? Guess what I did that on purpose I want you to think about what your friendship means to me. If you think I am talking about you than I am and know I consider our friendship a blessing.

I have been trying to change the negativity that has been so present in my life over these last few years. One of my New Years goals was to become more positive about life. Another was to let my current friends know that I love them all. I have been also trying to find a way tyo show it so what I have been doing is trying to lift where I stand by leaving kind messages here and there for all of them when they least expect it. What better way to make someones day. As I say you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Hey have a great day, be kind

Sorry it’s late Anna

I love my readers!

Well today was not as good as I hoped for my attorney did not give me as much hope as I wanted looks like we are going to have a fight on our hands and I know that the Gender issue will be brought up. Bloody hell, the person who wrote the family report should be dropped from the courts or there should be a way to complain about her ethics.

Okay on to the subject I promised Anna… Well this week a new milestone was hit I went to my first appointment for Laser hair removal. Wow I was nervous but the AMAZING staff that Vogue Launceston did an amazing job keeping me calm as they are so friendly for the Trans-community. I went in the room laid down with their provided glasses and I was treated to a very very close shave, i think she could learn the strait edge she would be even better….just saying. she took a good look at the test patch and told me it looked great. Which made me feel in seventh heaven. We talked over what I should see when this is done. Then she started……..

Okay the pain is so real it can be mimic-ed with easy take a rubber band and snap it against your skin on your face. So now you know what to expect write it down wad it up and toss it in the rubbish cause you know jack shit, lol.

She began snap oh I can handle that…it hurt a little bit yup it did. No pain no gain, if I ever find that person who started that right now I am going to kill them….Ouch there is one more, snap. Wow she is going fast phew cause I am sweating right now and I can’t squeeze face on firemy hands any tighter. WTF…. Holy cow……dear god all mighty that was my Jaw line….. No way why in the hell does that hurt so damn bad. Wow there it is again. Oh that’s done SMACK nope that the side burn area…. WOW. I get a break now I can breath once more.

Rise and repeat right? F*&^ing wrong new sife of you face and new pain threshold. Bahaha, ok I have found out now I have those nerves working once more. Jaw line I am ready…Nope I was not ready for that.

Ahh the break once more the upper lip sure it is a small area I am ready for that. Right…… WRONG! its only four little snaps suck it up girl I can do this. A few minutes later who ripped off my lip! ok Breath it is all done, oh what is that such nice and calming liquid wiat liquid…….OUCH! Stop touching my face!!!!  Ahh that feels better ok you can put that on my face again. Now I have a red face minor sunburn. Stings a bit.

Ok I will admit it might not have been that bad after all but at the time this is what is going through your mind. She asked me not to save if I could every day. Part of  my GID is looking like I have a beard when I am dressed like a woman. I do not was to be the bearded woman. So I made it to a day and a half. Might do better this weekend.I have made two more appointments looking forward to them. Wow the though of not having facial hair is amazing.

Well I hoped you enjoyed my first adventure in laser.

Dear parents of trans youth

First let’s get rid of the term gay or even sexual attractions.  Yeah, I know they told you that they were but please forgive your child and let’s forget the terms for just a little bit.

Since coming out and even while in the closet, I read stories about what it is like to be trans. I had to know more about what I was feeling. I don’t think that it is very easy to help you grasp what your child is going through and I don’t think that there is a way to help your child understand you.

So now that we are on even ground both of you knowing nothing about the other and what the other is going through. Lets begin……

As you have most likely been told hey (Parent) I’m trans. Wh3en the fact is we have always been Trans. It is easy to see it if we look at it like this lets say one parent is white and the other is black. Okay now you are starting to see a picture. Now lets look at it from there eyes, they have always been half & half. Not really white and not really black, in fact they live in both worlds while not living in any world. I know that it is confusing to try to wrap your head around. Now lets open it up a little more. Your child the one who is black and white wants to explore one of his sides just a little more and try to understand why god have made them that way or you have made him that way. So he being an urban background wants to move out to the country and live with his grandparents who are black.

Yup I have you on a journey. So you child heads our to learn more about being black. Did that change your child in any way? Yes it did, in many different ways that you were not ready for. Now they stand in front of you still the same black and white child you gave birth to. But now they are ready to accept who they are to a point and they are asking you to walk with them as they are just a little person learning to walk again for the first time once more. Remember that cute simple little hand reaching out for yours, well here it is once more asking for your help.

Did this little child you helped learn to walk really know what it was all about, no they never did. They were scared just the same as you are. What if I fall? Who will catch me? I know my parents….

Now that we have taken a bit of the time and the way we look at them telling you about them telling you is really a need for that hand in case they fall is because they need the one person in their life who is the MOST important and that happens to be you. Sure you can’t teach them this time but what can you do?

I can’t tell you how they feel at this point. That is something you need to talk to them about. I am a parent I know how you are thinking at this time. I am Trans, so I do know what they are thinking.  We did not have children for them to go through what they are going through. We did not invest all the love hopes and dreams to have them struggle. But you need to face a simple fact that close to 40% of all Trans have felt so confused, so alone, without hope that they only see suicide as a way out of the huge amount of pain. We as parents do know how to save a life of our child, listen and love. God it seems so simple just like it was when that little child grasped your finger for the fist time. You remember that, don’t you……

I know that the loss and grief is going to be so very very hard for you to carry. Look at it this way is it better to have this young child who is holding your hand or you holding the lid of a coffin. Yes it can be that dire. Oh the things that have changed in me once I no longer had to struggle with everything that is around me. You might see it as a simple piece of clothing though to us it is a key to our jail cell.

childs hand

I do wish you the best on your journey. I know it will be hard, in fact every single one of us who are trans know it is going to be hard. But we trust you as we want to once more grasp your safe hand……..


Spirit vs. Body

Is the issue of our Transition  based off of a birth defect vs. a metal health issue. This is what I want you to look at and think about with this post.The medical Gate Keepers want to make it more about the brain rather than looking at it from a stand point of a physical issue. As a physical issue we might want to look at it as a issue of mind and soul over the body. We need to deconstruct the issues of these elements let take the mind and body as physical elements and soul as another element.

The medical profession would like people to think that it was an issue of the mind. Which is linked linked to an easy solution of just a few options. One being that psychoanalysis and counseling can resolve, another being one where medical pharmaceuticals can be issued to to adjust the mindset, some pseudo science has attempted  to use regressive therapies, and currently all that is working is the Gate keeper model. As all you can see is that the forms of medical intervention are long and drawn out.

What would to happen if the Medical Model were to change and address the issues of Transgender more as a Birth Defect rather than an issue of the mind. Would the normal issues of the current Gate Keeper Model be required any longer? Granted AI can see that there would see need to be oversight on the persons who are affected and treatment before and after the HRT (hormone replacement therapies) and then once more before the issues of SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) took place.

I feel that the issues that might be resolved is the discrimination that many in the trans community face on a day to day basis. No longer would we have the issues of making laws that protect two or three different issues and use the ones that are currently in place. In America right now the American with Disabilities act fails to protect the Trans community but maybe with the change of mind that we are not sick in the head or going through some phase we might be able to look at the person who is as just a person who was born with a bum leg (sorry for the bad use of explanation). We might even get to see an improvement in the healthcare of the Trans community, a reduction in the Suicide rate, as well as issues of less Trans being a drain on the welfare system.

Even now we are seeing the same issues on the Trans community as the rest of society. We have Upper class, Middle class and poor in the economic spectrum. We also have those who identify as Strait, Gay and Bi-Sexual, yes I know that many will find this confronting to think that there is a possibility of a Strait Trans person. But thinking that Strait is an attraction of one Gender to another Gender from my research this is more often than not a result. We see the issues of Introverts and Extroverts, likes and dislikes none of this is different that any other person on this planet.

By changing the view of the Trans community from a mental issue to a birth defect issue we might see a break in the mold and the strangle hold that many religions and governments trying to attack the trans community.Thus removal of labels that are attached to a Trans person as well. Case in point and I will use myself in this case. I am a Transwoman and I was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of ladder-day Saints (Mormons)* in November of 2015 the Church created a policy that removed the ability of children to be members in any ways shape or form if the child has a parent who is in a same sex relationship until that child is 18 and denounces that relationship (wow, i know it is heavy). This policy makes it hard on a Trans person like me cause I was born with male parts and not female parts. So therefore once I have SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) done that will be corrected. BUT (yes I know anything before a but is bullshit it is needed here) in the LDS church I am not able to marry a man cause I was born with those parts and I be considered a homosexual and I would not be able to marry a woman cause I was changed into a woman and that makes me a lesbian. If the model is changed to a birth defect rather that a mental issue we could then point out that if I was to marry a man I was not a homosexual cause it was a correction of a birth defect.

Laws would no longer be needed to address the issues of SRS and name changes and Birth Cert. being fixed as due to the model being changed this could happen automatically. Thus reducing overall legal issues clogging up the courts on things that could be repaired with ease.

Now I am not saying that this would fix every problem that the Trans community have but it might help those who struggle with the change view this change in a different way? I leave it up to you to look at this idea yourself…..

“here’s my two cents”

*I am no longer a member of the LDS church, though I respect all beliefs and the right to worship as you may see fit.

Best day ever! So Far, well maybe

Mental Health is a huge issue while going through Transition. You must and need to take time to do some self care. Today was a self care day where a wonderful friend and I went out for morning tea and then went into Launceston to have a bit of fun I have never had so much fun looking at clothes and she kept trying to dress me up in a few things that made me look an feel like a circus act.But I could have been a bitch and let her buy this dress that would have made a tent out of her ass, but even I am not that cruel, lol.

We had a wonderful lunch at this little hole in the wall place in Launceston called Meat Cheese and bread. I could smell the food close to a block away it grabbed us and said give me a try. We saw a Philly Steak sandwich on the menu. I have not had a real one of these since being in the US some 14 years ago. I took one bite and was thrust into memories of good friends and good food. You know that zone where your heart takes a snapshot and nothing will ever compare. Well I have to say that is until sitting in a park with my friend. We sat there talking over our lives and the struggles that we have faced over the last two weeks.

I would show you photos but I want you to think of the wonderful moment and remember a time where you have felt that memory.

As we left I went and got a couple of bath bombs to relax with and sooth my body and pull out the toxins of dealing with my Ghost. As we walked down the street we had a most wonderful time and then one of my other friends ran into us!!! I just love her so much she has a most wonderful soul and is so kind. I knew she had been having a hard time with a person and then I grabbed out one of my bath bombs and gave a share. I look at life and think this is what friends do for one another.

So to two of my friends I would love to say thank you for a great day. I love my bath tonight.


Teaching the children

So this few months in the children’s lives without ex-to-be has been hard on us. We have been trying to find ways to pay back God for all of his blessings. The one thing that I have found that the children are like Diamonds. Follow me on this for a second Where are diamonds found? What are they worth? Here is my answers Children are found everywhere but that can only be truly reached by hard hard work. Children are worth every second that you put into them. In the end teaching them thing such as love, kindness and forgiveness will work magic and wonders beyond beliefs.

What I am talking about is the fact that at the start of this year I have made a list of goals. One of those goals to start my year was to find a way to do service ever day. Now have I been able to do so, no. My goal was harder than I though it would have been. But I have found out that sometimes things happen in the most amazing ways. I set out what I wanted to do to the universe, god, or however heard me. Shortly afterwards a friend and his wife were looking for someone to help with a bread run on Friday nights. We once a fortnight I get a load of bread dropped off for me to had out to others who might be doing life a little hard. Sometimes it is very hard to do as I am stepping outside our comfort zone. But we have been doing it for close to 2 months now and wow have I seen some amazing children who show compassion beyond anything I could have every hoped for. I tell it you is such a sight to behold when my children say lets try that house.

This last week I was really hit in the gut when a family report said I was a bad parent. I was just so shocked after all we do as a family this (beeping) person had to gall to say I am doing a bad job. Please the evidence says more that this stupid person ever could. I make sure school is attended and I continue what I have been doing for the last five years of keep in touch with my children’s teachers. Yet even though someone has not been doing it at all the last two terms. Yet I am the bad parent, stupid piss ant writer of the report. Now the attorney is going to have to really go on the attack. I was hoping that would not have to happen.

Well tonight I am going to also do some work on the about me side of my blog. I feel that expanding on this part is going to help the book  a lot.

I think I have found HELL

Yup, I am a Trans-woman fighting the good fight for the children’s future. So I have been running in and out of problems that the Ex-to-be starts and gets away with. She thinks she is smart and she thinks that it is causing me hell. Well I can be honest I am saddened by the loss of a person who once could have replaced the stars in the nights sky. Now I have seen the true you, well staying with you would have been HELL. Though I think I have this also to say…..

But I was going to say the real hell is when you as a parent works real hard to get the dinner thought up and underway then when you taste it you are in heaven you have done it all perfect. Then the kids sit at the table ready to enjoy what you have created then BAM it was not designed for childrens taste buds and not a single one of them like it

Having a little fun with life!

People are always asking me for my web address. So why not build a business card.

T-Shirt to boot as well.


I know that I am taking very well to the hormones. Body changes are going well well. I was thinking of have a shirt saying look up! Wow I caught a guy staring, Crap they are on a B cup and I was not dressed very high but it was so funny i just wanted to say Hi I am up here.

On top of it I was visiting my work today to say “Hello, I am coming back”. I love my job and going back is a huge blessing. I look forward to it soon I hope. There was this lovely person who has a very short memory and for about 5 minutes kept staring at me then walked up to one of the managers and asked “Is that person a Boy or a Girl?” such wonderful honesty I love my job. The Mgr gave her this wonderful explanation about gender and it was very beautiful. Though I am sad to say I don’t think it sunk in very well. The disability she has makes it hard sometimes for her to understand certain things. I do love her soul though.

Someone asked me if I would return

Well, what a question to ask me of all people. Hhow I can answer it……

Why should I?

My family for the most part have become narrow minded asses. 3 of them from what I can tell are humans and are somewhat open minded. 1 Is cool beyond the rest of them. So as far as family I would not be welcome by any of them in any way shape or form. I mean after this third strike with the in the family game of Baseball. I am going to be getting my Australian Citizenship and giving up my US. I am that unhappy with the lot of them. I thought it was bad when talking to my mum about a few things like the family was not going to tell me when one of my Parents passed away and that my mum and dad wanted it that way. To giving a Family heirloom to my Nephew that was to come to me. But hey I am in Australia so no need for a gun here. So the list goes on and on.

Is it safe?

Well Lets look at the level of Government, SD has passed a bathroom law Link 1 which bans Students in schools, they might try a law like what was attempted in WA, Link 2. Thank god it was defeated. Look at this news Link 3 , did you look real close as to where the deaths are from? 10 in the US vs. 1 in Australia. Add that with my issues in my Family I am not so sure I would be safe around any of them bar the 3.


Well I would not trust that I could find a job……… At least here in Australia the laws are such that you have a fighting chance. Mind you I have read and heard about a few people that have won that game of Roulette.

Safe Places to live?

I don’t know if you could point out that there is really a safe place from all that I read I have heard and seen a lot of violence towards Trans community in the US. Yeah I know that things here is Australia are not perfect but HELL i am safe in my home and I feel safe in my community.


Please leave it up to a the USA to come to Australia and say damn we like yours but…. Lets fuck it up completely. If I get sick I am safe, if I need my HRT I don’t have to sell a kidney for it. Healthcare cannot be refused because I am Trans or I cannot pay.

Yup you got it, I can’t see a reason why should I. There is no reason at all. Sorry I can’t do it to myself. I mean where would I end up, No money, No job, no food, no home, no friends, no family, no real healthcare, wow look at those “No’s”. Now add my children into the mix there is no way I would give up what we have here for nothing there. Sure there is Gay marriage but that cannot make up for so many negatives and if you look at the MANY churches that are trying to back state laws to revoke that in one form or another HELLO UTAH! Funny when you can link the Westbrough Baptist Church (The Haters), Catholic Curch and The Mormons all have in common. Wow I never though I would say that the Mormons and Westbrough are common allies, EEKKKK!